A sharp observation by Erich Maria Remarque: What awaits a woman who scrimps on herself?
*”When you ask for little, you receive little. First, you save on yourself, then life saves on you…”*
As Remarque once noted, *”A woman who deprives herself inspires only one desire in men—to deprive her further!”* First, we sacrifice for ourselves, then the world sacrifices for us.
Modesty, kindness, and good manners—qualities often praised in novels—are rewarded there, but rarely beyond the pages. In reality, they can be exploited by those with less noble intentions. Not all virtues serve us well; sometimes, they become our downfall. When a decent person is taken advantage of by someone unscrupulous, their goodness fuels another’s selfishness. Remember that.
Every kind, well-mannered soul must learn to read people—to avoid being walked over. But first, they must understand themselves. Ask: Why do women so often deny themselves, and what do they gain from it?
No one will thank you for self-deprivation. It’s not just about money—women skimp on rest, stretch themselves thin for loved ones, shrink their own desires to make room for others’. That is sacrificing your own life.
People grow accustomed: when you settle for little, they give you little. First, you scrimp on yourself, then everyone scrimps on you. Exhausted and disillusioned, a woman may ask fate why her life is spent giving everything and receiving nothing. But silence will be her only answer.
No one will rejoice in your exhaustion, your weariness, your lack of joy. No one will thank you for denying yourself—not them, not even you.
Bad habits lead to bitter lives:
*Good habits don’t always bring happiness, but bad habits always bring misery.* The habit of self-denial begins with love—a partner, a child. The world shifts: once, *you* were the priority; now, you are not. A mother loves her child so deeply she sacrifices herself. A woman in love gives up her time, comfort, ambitions—just to stay by her beloved. Children learn to expect sacrifice; so does a partner. *You* taught them this life.
What happens when a woman reclaims herself, stops denying her needs? Anger. No one will say, *”What wonderful years those were—thank you! Now it’s our turn.”* Instead, they’ll resent you for taking back what they saw as theirs by right.
If fear of that anger stops her, decades will slip away—until she wakes one day, asking, *”Where did my life go?”* If you don’t want your years to vanish behind others’ lives, stop scrimping on yourself. Everyone deserves happiness.
Self-doubt destroys millions of opportunities:
What does it mean to deprive yourself? Convincing yourself you’re unworthy of the job you desire—that others are smarter, better. Believing you could never learn to paint or dance because you’ve never tried, and talent surrounds you—so why bother? Thinking other women are superior because their noses are straighter or their hair fuller.
Self-denial is a habit that trains you to accept crumbs and aim low. It breeds fear of rejection—one failure, one *”no,”* and you lower the bar further.
It’s the habit that smothers dreams, that convinces you happiness is too distant, too impossible.
Don’t scrimp on time for yourself—on evenings with a beloved book, on your dreams, on small joys that light your heart. Time spent in delight is never wasted; it replenishes the soul.
Sometimes, I think people expect to live forever. They wait for chances to fall from the sky, measure themselves against others, delay and delay—always saving, always sacrificing.
Don’t shrink your spirit. Never compare yourself. If I measured my writing against greater authors, I’d deem myself unworthy of pen and ink.
© Erich Maria RemarqueBut in the end, the only life you save by refusing to economise on yourself is your own.
