**Diary Entry 12th May**
I woke up too early for a Saturdayonly seven o’clockand nudged Daniels shoulder. “Youre not going to be late, are you? What time are you leaving?” He grunted, waving me off as if sleep mattered more than his meeting. I sighed, checking my phone again. Why had I even woken up so early? His bag was already packed.
But then that old, creeping unease settled over me again. No reason for it, really. We had everythinga lovely flat in the city centre, tastefully decorated, designer furniture, top-notch appliances. Daniel had his car; I had mine. Wed even bought a house in a quiet suburban estate. By all accounts, we were living the dream.
Most people would kill for this. No more renting, no crowded buses, no frantic evenings juggling kids’ homework, dinner, bills, school fees. You collapse into bed, only for the alarm to drag you back to the grind. What I wouldnt give for such simple troubles! But no, this was something elsethat hollow dread, that sharp twinge in my chest, the unshakable feeling that something was slipping away. It came without warning and left just as abruptly.
This morning, it was back. I slipped out of bed, glancing at Daniel still asleep, and padded to the kitchen. Another business trip. Lately, they sent him everywhereeven weekends. His new boss, brought in a year and a half ago, had boosted his salary, and the company was thriving. Daniel was one of their top managers. But the job swallowed his time whole.
I made breakfast and returned to nudge him awake.
“Daniel, come on, youll be late. Didnt you say you were leaving this afternoon?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled, dragging himself up.
“Breakfasts ready.”
“Right.” Still half-asleep, he followed me to the table.
He barely looked up from his phone. Lately, we hardly spokejust coexisted. Not that we argued. Everything was fine. He still brought flowers now and then. Sometimes I convinced him to go out for dinner. We took walks, met friends, saw films. But nothing felt like it used to.
“Take me with you,” I blurted out.
He didnt even glance up. “Hmm.”
“I mean it. Youll be at a hotel, right? Work all day, evenings together.”
“What? No!” He finally looked up, startled. “Why would you come?”
“Why not? Ive never been there. I could explore, visit museums”
“Its a dead-end town! Nothing worth seeing. Dont we have enough shops here?”
“Im bored, Daniel. I wont get in your way.”
“Emma, no. If you want a holiday, book a trip. Go alone.”
“Alone? Were married, in case youve forgotten!”
“Emma, not this again! Works insane right now. The boss is a nightmare! Its not my fault they keep sending me away!”
“Funny how its always you. Last week, I saw James from your office at the mall with his wife and kids. But you? Somehow, you were working!” I hadnt meant to arguenot before he leftbut the words tumbled out.
“Lets not do this. Thanks for breakfast.” He stood abruptly and disappeared into the bathroom.
I tidied up while he watched telly, then packed sandwiches and tea for his drive.
“Emma, wheres my bag?” he called from the hall.
“By the dresser,” I said flatly.
“Right. Look, dont be cross. Theres really nothing to do there.”
“Its fine. Drive safe.”
He left, and the flat fell silent. A SaturdayI could call a friend, meet for dinner somewhere nice, talk
But who? Sophie had a husband and two kidsno chance shed come. Rachel had moved to the countryside; she wasnt popping into the city anytime soon. Grace had gone off to “conquer” London and hadnt called in months. Everyone had their own lives, their own burdens.
Im thirty-eight. No children. A mistake in our youtha botched procedure. Back then, we were just starting out, still renting, scraping by on entry-level salaries.
Sometimes I wonder what mightve been.
**Later Entry 20th July**
Years on, Daniel and I celebrated our anniversary, and little Sophienow a teenagerraised a toast with tearful eyes. “Thank you, Mum, for coming into our lives and making us whole again.”
