I often think back to that summer when I was merely a temporary guest in a household that felt more like a revolving door.
Youre nothing but a meddlesome meddler who loves to stick her nose into other families! Milly spat at me, her voice sharp as a winter wind.
It was almost comical.
Claire burst out laughing.
Did you even try to think of a more ridiculous accusation? When I met Edward, you two had already been divorced for three years. And, if I recall correctly, you left Edward for another man. What family am I supposed to be barging into?
***
Claire had always been fond of numbers. Digits were easier to manage than the tangled emotions of people, especially those who never seemed to understand her. Exact sciences came naturally to her, and so did the work she did in that field. When Edward entered her life, he brought along his daughter, elevenyearold Emily, and Claire gladly took on the role of tutor.
Why are these numbers being cancelled out here? Emily asked, hoping I hadnt forgotten the lessons wed covered over the weekend.
Because theyre the same, I replied.
Thats not a terrible answer. Well done, Claire praised, tapping the textbook with confidence. Emily, have another look. If you multiply this part by that one, youll get Wait how does it work here Ah, thats right. She paused a moment, searching for a simple analogy. Emily, its just ordinary multiplication, only you have to pull it out from under the radical. Its no harder than counting sweets in the thirdgrade maths class.
Emily, slumped at the kitchen table that morning, was fiddling with her pencil on the countertop. Claire always insisted we review the material before school; Emily, however, fought for a few more minutes of sleep. Claire always won.
This isnt sweets, Claire. Emily sighed. Its problems. Difficult ones.
Theres nothing difficult if you approach it the right way, Claire smiled, feeling a motherly protectiveness she had long kept under wraps. Lets try this one Oh, were already running out of time.
The mornings began with the same routine of repetition.
Edward, smoothing Emilys tousled bangs, asked, Claire, could you see Emily to school today? Im pressed for time.
No trouble at all, I answered, already pulling on my coat. Dont worry, Ill get her there in tiptop shape.
Thanks, Clairepie.
Its nothing.
I helped Emily pack her notebooks into her rucksack. I loved Edward, and I loved Emily. Their family was unconventional, but I didnt need anything else.
At the school gate we ran into Milly, Edwards exwife. Dressed in a thin coat against the lateautumn chill, she looked already irritated, as if the world were slightly askew to her.
Emily! Youve forgotten your changeover shoes, and you have PE today! Here, I brought a pair. Say thank you for someone actually thinking of you.
Seeing her mother, Emily said goodbye to me, dashed to grab the bag of trainers, and slipped into the school building without a word.
I was about to get back into the car when Milly suddenly warned me, Dont you dare meddle with my daughter.
I frowned.
Excuse me? What are you talking about? Im not meddling. Im just
You teach her, you drive her around. Do you think youre now a second mother to her? she snapped, her hatred spilling over.
I had never seen Milly so openly hostile. She usually kept her grievances to herself.
Im not trying to replace anyone, I replied evenly, refusing to be provoked. She spends a lot of time with us, I talk to her, I help with her maths, we shop together. Im not pretending she isnt here.
Youre just a meddlesome meddler who loves to stick her nose into other families! Milly snapped again.
It was almost laughable.
Claire burst into a fullblown laugh.
You havent managed to think of a more absurd charge, have you? When I met Edward, you two had already been divorced for three years. And, if I recall, you left Edward for another man. What family am I supposed to be barging into?
Milly was momentarily speechless. I gave her a gentle nudge away from the car, slipped into the drivers seat, and drove off to work. The argument with Milly replaced my usual morning coffee.
Where does all this aggression come from? I thought theyd been apart for ages. Milly never said such things to my face before.
I eventually figured it out on my own.
That evening, as I was polishing my boots, Edward said, Claire, I need to speak with you. Its not a pleasant subject Would you mind if Emily stayed with us for a while longer?
I kept cleaning.
Stay? Shes already here often enough.
No, I mean permanently, or at least for an extended period.
I see no problem. If it helps Emily, Im fine with it. But why? How did Milly agree to this? I asked, a hint of sarcasm in my tone.
Edward hadnt finished.
Theres a catch Emily will move in, and Milly will too.
My boot hit the floor with a thud.
And whats your exwife doing here? Are you telling me that between us everythings over and you want to live with her again? I asked.
He answered hurriedly, No! I cant stand her! I love you, Claire! Just the man she ran off with left her a weeks notice to move out. Rents expensive, you know.
So let her go back to her parents! I exclaimed.
Her parents live far away. If she leaves, Emily would have to change schools, the town, friendseverything. Milly wont go anywhere without Emily. Our flat has three rooms; we could all fit.
We could all fit? in a threeroom flat with Milly?
You must be joking
It sounds a bit mad, but I see no other way. We cant afford a separate flat for her, and if she went back to her parents wed hardly see Emily at all.
I repeated the word fit in my mind, not noticing the dirt on my hand as I scrubbed the boot.
And we did fit.
But at what cost Milly moved in as if shed taken the house by siege. Her belongings slowly claimed every bit of space.
Claire, could you shift that vase? It blocks my view of the telly.
The vase sat on the coffee table, hardly in the way.
Milly, it
Just move it. I want to watch the news.
And youre not going to let me have it?
Its your vase. I cant touch your things without asking, or Ill have trouble later.
I carefully moved the vase.
Thanks.
Next came the curtains, which I had taken to the laundrette while Milly was out. I dumped the dirty bundle into a basket.
Whats wrong with the curtains? They were always light and airy. I want them back.
They were my choice. Ill ask Edward to replace them tomorrow.
It felt like a harem in our modest home. Milly tried to restore the flat to the way it had been when she and Edward lived together. The kitchen was rearranged; pans were shoved into the oven, spices placed on the top shelf because Milly rarely used them. The washing machine, which used to run every other day, now spun only once a week to save water. I never understood that logic, especially when the machine was cranked five or six times a day.
Claire, could you put your perfume bottle away from the hallway table? I need space for my cosmetics.
Theyre not in the way, I replied.
They are. I live here, and I need to be comfortable.
This is my home too, I said, though Milly seemed deaf to my words.
Youre nobody here. This is my house, my man, my family. And you just a side effect.
I relayed those words to Edward later.
Edward, when will you sort out the housing for Milly and Emily? Im happy to have Emily, but Milly told me Im nobody, that this is her house, her man, her family. Is that okay with you? Are you going to pretend you didnt hear?
He tried to explain. Claire, youve misunderstood. Millys going through a rough patch, but she couldnt have said those things. Shes just nervous, maybe she misspoke, and you took it personally.
Nervous? She said it to my face!
What do you suggest I do? Throw her out? Where would she go?
Edward sided with his former wife.
Each day, Edward spent more time not only with Emily but also with Milly. They walked together, swapped jokes that left me baffled. I truly felt like an unnecessary extra.
But the idyll between Edward and Milly, if it could be called that, was shortlived. A trivial dispute sparked a fight. Edward misplaced a cup on the table, and Milly could not forgive the slightest sloppiness.
You know I hate it when you do that! she shrieked.
What did I do? Breathe wrong? I was just having tea!
Look, the tea has already soaked the tablecloth. You cant even tap the table without upsetting me! My nerves arent a joke.
Your nerves are like an old womans nagging.
And youre a careless bloke who cant remember simple things!
I listened from the next room, as if I were an old couple arguing after decades of an unhappy marriage. Yes, unhappy, but still a marriage. And where did I fit into all this?
Everythings starting over Daddy and Mum are back together and fighting again. It was nicer when they split Emily said, halflaughing.
In that moment I realised it wasnt my family at all. I was only a temporary guest who never quite belonged in the newlyold, restitched family.
Edward finally faced the fact that they were heading for divorce. He didnt know how to untangle the mess, begged me to wait, but I knew it would lead nowhere good.
The day I was to move out, a small incident occurred that might have been insignificant if not for the whole situation. As I packed, Milly, apparently eager to display her housekeeping, began a thorough cleaning. She decided to optimise the arrangement of books on the livingroom shelf. I, a pedantic sort, kept my books ordered alphabetically and by genre. Milly, driven purely by aesthetics, shuffled everything based on the colour of the spines. I wanted to argue, but remembering that this was no longer my home, I cracked a joke instead.
Planning to chase my spirit out with a fullscale cleanup? I asked.
I just love a tidy house, she replied, polishing another volume. It looks like a library dump here.
I organise it for convenience, so I can find a book quickly.
I look for books by the cover, she said, thats how I like it. It looks better that way.
They could never coexist.
When I left the house, sitting in my car, I saw Emily at the window, watching me go. For a heartbeat it seemed she wanted to run after me caught between two flames.
Shall we carry on? asked my brother, who had arrived to help with the move.
Yes, I answered, lets get moving faster.
