The second child that was the husband.
No, he wasnt a wife He was the housekeeper, the cook Do not be distracted.
At a gathering I mentioned Emily actually, her husband.
A wife? A cook? That twist knocked the wind out of me.
Emily went pale as a sheet.
Even the guests were strangers to Emily. The men turned, as if a sudden clang had broken their quiet, each standing like a minister at a council meeting. Who were these friends that the wife had never heard of?
Sam, overturning his chair, sprang up and lunged toward Emily, trying to whisk her away from the eyes of his companions. His smug acquaintances exchanged bewildered glances. A low murmur slipped through: What is he hurrying to tell the housekeeper? They snorted, halfsmiling.
Only the tall gentleman occupying the farthest seat remained indifferent.
Housekeeper? Emily whispered behind closed doors. Cook?
Its absurd to picture you, in those threadbare jeans, as a wife, Sam said, as if Emily ought to understand himself. We have respectable men here.
Decent jeans.
The loose stitches barely caught the eye.
Theyre suitable for a workhorse, but the wife of a successful businessman cant traipse about like a beggar!
A successful businessman? Did you string me along with spaghetti? Where did you find them?
I was at the snooker hall on Oxford Street today and beat the lot of them all five! They admired my talent, offered a round of something strong, and I asked about funding. They said they could back my cardealership project. Investors!
Your investors are playing dominoes behind garage doors.
Today Emily saw how her husband regarded her as service. She might not be a cook, but she kept the household running, a financial steward. She brought in money and then slipped away, as if hiding behind a skirting board.
She mentioned dominoes again.
If you cant trust your husband, why then rage at a husband who doesnt trust himself or work? How can you build a career when your own wife dismisses you?
They had agreed he would take her suits to the dry cleaners. Emily favoured classic tailoring for important meetings, but for daily errands she wore battered jeans.
Did you take the suits?
No! When was I supposed to? I was trying to win over the investors
At the snooker hall?
What, I cant even relax?
When I handled all the finances, you handled the home.
But I told you I needed time for hobbies and selfrealisation.
You have plenty of that! Theres never time for the home. I pay for cleaning, eat wherever, and you order sushi or pizza every night! Wheres the domestic life you dreamed of when you moved in? You dreamed of playing snooker from dawn till dusk!
Lower the volume, dear, he covered her mouth, if the investors hear us, we wont see any profit.
We wont see profit anyway, because tomorrow those investors will wake up and forget our names.
Emily envied the office ladies who came in to break the monotony of housewives, earning their own money. They didnt stay late, didnt lug reports home to check numbers through the night. Even as layoffs loomed, they chattered over tea, untroubled; if they were cut, their husbandssome earning a penny more than their wiveswould still provide.
Emily fled the prospect of layoffs like a flame. She worked harder, faster, most productively, yet relief eluded her.
Sam snapped, You, my dear, are a negotiation amateur, go laugh with your new friends about the lazy cook who mixed everything up and forgot to fetch his suits from the cleaners.
Emily said nothing.
If she spoke, Sam would bring up divorce again.
And they were only thinking about a child
Emily and Sam lived in a new block of flats. There was a hallway serving three apartments, not the cramped corridors of old council blocks, but a spacious room with visitor chairs leading onto a balcony. Emily stepped onto that shared balcony.
I once had a wife, a voice drifted over the rail.
Emily shrieked. Sam and his companions, lost in their laughter, heard nothing, so no one appeared.
The tall investor who had not smiled at the ambiguous housekeepers situation loomed over her.
Do you hear voices? You think were having a lively debate? Emily demanded, angry at his audacity. What about the remark on a wife when I never spoke to you? Im not interested in who was there.
He was unmoved.
I too once had a wife.
Stuck?
It was a housewife, he said, She didnt work, we had no children, and I often ordered cleaning for her. The difference? She greeted me with joy.
Im not a housewife.
No, Im not talking about you. Im talking about the person you mistakenly called a husband. In my family I earned money, built a business, while my wife tended the home and her hobbies. I never blamed her. I was on cloud nine, able to give her a life where she never wondered where the next loaf would come from. Yet if shed called me a servant to her friends, shed instantly be my exwife in my heart, not on paper. You can forgive many things, but not the neglect of the one youd die for. My wife loved me.
What then tore you apart if you loved each other?
A tipsy middleaged dealer, found by Sam in a snooker hall, interjected.
Emilys words about divorce did not sway him. He muttered something about walking in anothers shoes to understand, slurring as if drunk.
Because of that, were thinking of a child, and Emily has always dreamed of one Who will be the father at thirtyseven?
Cancer, he blurted. It split us.
Excuse me
Everythings fine, Tilly. Never let anyone treat you without respect, not even a husband. Where theres no respect, theres no love.
A family therapist, you say?
No, Im a programmer.
What did you lose in this merry band of investors and the one trying to pull money from them?
Im not poor; I could invest myself, but I hung out with them for company. Home feels empty, barren. So when Im not working, I wander. Sorry, if Id known youd come, I wouldnt have put you here. Still, I dont regret meeting you. Youre charming.
You never introduced yourself.
Ivan, the man said, calming the raucous group with a wave, and sending them home.
Emily was right. The next morning Sam phoned his new investor friends; they couldnt even recall his name or where theyd been drinking the night before.
No trace of disappointment.
Sam merely mimicked entrepreneurial dreams. He needed nothing. Working for someone else wasnt his aim; he was an entrepreneur, albeit one who projected an illusion rather than building something real.
A simple façade.
Didnt answer, didnt answer. Theyll chase after me later.
Sam, what about my maternity leave?
Pardon?
If I go on maternity, what will we live on?
But youll only be on leave for a month before the birth and three months after. After that a nanny can manage.
Actually, you said okay when I suggested you either support the family or stay with the baby.
But I said okay, not I promise. Where does the child go? Im not a nanny. Youre the mother. Sort it out yourself.
So youll find a job?
Well see
Do you have any answers beyond well see?
Emily! Youve ruined my appetite this morning! Dont burden me with the baby. It will happen. Tomorrow well start working on it.
And they tried.
Emily was pregnant.
She planned to find a nanny and work parttime, but then learned the firm she worked for was about to collapse.
The companys going bust! announced Anna.
What does that mean?
It means in a month well all be out of work.
But Im pregnant You cant fire a pregnant woman.
If the company is insolvent, how can it keep anyone on?
Emily fell into a numbness, refusing food or company, until a faint hope flickered that perhaps Sams star would finally rise and he would become the man of the house.
Sam looked at his wife skeptically.
If I go back to work, the money will be laughably small, far less than what you earned. I have a huge gap in my CV, my skills are rusty, my qualifications dented. I cant shoulder that responsibility.
But I need time to get a job, and there isnt much Just a couple of months and the baby will be visible.
How many weeks now?
Ten.
Ten, right. We still have time.
What do you mean?
On the rack! Dont think about giving birth now. I called mum; shes horrified by your recklessness. You cant go on leave with that much on your plate. I have to feed myself. I cant work right now. Our parents expect us to pay for the fence and the garden. They wont fund us for pretty eyes. Mum said theres no talk of a child yet. She doesnt even know you wont take maternity leave and will be unemployed. No, no, love, that number wont work.
But you also said it was time to become parents.
Thats because you twisted my head with that baby talk. When the child arrives, hell take the whole blanket. Am I to become a pauper because all our remaining money goes to the baby? Its an unbearable burden. Be sensible, hurry. Meet the deadline, or our woes will multiply.
Emily trudged to collect her things from work.
The manager, who had warned her about the bankruptcy, was also packing up.
Did he send you on a break?
Yes.
What does he say?
That we wont make it.
Will you not manage two children?
I dont know what to do with work, I need a job fast to get any maternity pay Or do as Sam wants. If I decide to have the baby, hell file for divorce. I know hell. Hell leave me. How do I live without a job and a child without a husband?
Without a husband who doesnt earn? Your logic has gone astray. Surviving on benefits with a child is hard. With a child and a nonworking husband, its even harder, you think?
Well, he isnt working now, but if
Then?
Nothing.
The disaster was already here. Emily was pregnant and faced redundancy, yet Sam still refused to work.
She had to run interviews.
She couldnt lie about her pregnancy if asked, but if they didnt ask
Determined, Emily marched home, ready to send out résumés and see what would be offered.
Hello, housewives! the tall man joked.
Was he in her building?
Im not a housewife.
But Sam claimed otherwise. Youre now unemployed.
Were you in our flat?
I didnt get there. I was heading up when I ran into Sam on the landing. He was hauling his own perhaps his own, things. He seems to be filing for divorce.
Clear enough. Sam fled the sinking ship.
Determination faded.
Unemployed and abandoned, Emily said.
Well, I can provide you with work if you wish.
Did Sam tell you Im pregnant?
He did. First his panic, then himself. But how will that affect your professional abilities? Ive heard you work tirelessly. I think youd fit a dustfree position. Ill put in a word for you. Emily, Ive always wanted a child. My wife never bore one I could not help her. Why not help you? Come tomorrow to my friends firm. Ill be there too, so you wont feel shy. I hope this isnt our last meeting.
And I hope so.
Emily gave birth to a daughter, then a son, then another son. Though the first daughter was technically a stepchild, Ian never drew a line between them. He never reminded Emily of that.
Ian, however, kept reminding Sam, who now banged his ears with endless chatter about how Emily had slipped away, all for the sake of Ian, who was richer now.
