Emily Clarke has watched the man of her dreams leave his wife for her, yet she never imagined how the story would unfold.
She has admired him since her university days at Oxford. It feels like an unconditional, foolish loveblind and reckless. When he finally notices her, she loses her head. It really happens a few years after she graduates; they end up working at the same firm in London because they share the same specialty, so their paths cross often. She tells herself it must be fate.
To Emily, he appears to be the perfect partner. In her youth, she doesnt care that he already has a wife. She has never been married herself and knows nothing about a marriage falling apart, so she feels no shame when James Whitaker decides to quit his wife for her. Who could have guessed it would bring her such sorrow? As the saying goes, you cant build happiness on someone elses misery.
When he chooses her, she feels on cloud nine and is ready to forgive anything. In everyday life, however, he isnt the prince he seems in public. His belongings litter the flat, and he flatly refuses to wash the dishes. All the housework falls on her shoulders, but at that moment she doesnt mind.
He quickly forgets about his former marriage. They have no children, and it turns out his exwifes parents had pushed them into wedlock. With Emily, everything feels differentor so he tells her.
Her joy lasts only until she discovers shes pregnant. At first, James is thrilled about the baby. They even plan a big family gathering to celebrate, and everyone wishes them love and good health for the little one.
That evening remains one of her fondest memories, and she doesnt regret it. Yet from that point her blind love begins to wane.
The larger her belly becomes, the less often she sees James. She goes on maternity leave, so they only meet late at night. He stays later at work and attends company parties. At first it doesnt bother her, but soon the strain wears her down. Household chores grow harder because she can no longer bend down to pick up scattered socks.
She starts wondering whether they rushed into having a child.
She knows feelings cool over time, but she never expected it to happen so fast. James still brings flowers and chocolates, yet she just wants him present.
Eventually she realises his endless work events arent random. Over coffee, a colleague mentions a new junior recruit joining their department. The team has been shortstaffed, and her maternity leave makes the shortage critical. How ironic.
She isnt sure who the newcomer is, but James certainly has someone because he has no free time leftwhether its a meeting, a business trip, or another office party he cant miss. One day she finds a note in his jacket pocket signed with initials she doesnt recognise. Something makes her slip the note back and pretend she knows nothing.
It terrifies her to be alone in the seventh month of pregnancy while James complains that she has become irrational. Every argument ends with his disappointed sigh. She senses that if she raises the issue, she will end up alone. The fear of losing James is so strong she cant think of anything else. Theres a belief that fearing something too much makes it happen.
No matter how charming James once was, he isnt a gentleman. The worst words she ever hears are, Im not ready for children, and, I have someone else. She cant recall his exact tone, but in that moment she feels her mind slipping.
She never expected to find the strength to file for divorce. James didnt expect her to refuse his behaviour, nor that she would toss his belongings out the next day. She feels relief that they rent a flatat least they dont have to divide a house.
What about the child? he asks. Think about the child. How will you support him?
Somehow. Ill find work from home. Besides, my parents have always offered help. Mum always said he was a womaniserI should have listened, she replies.
Perhaps the responsibility for her son gives her confidence. On her own she might never have left.
She also realises she doesnt want to raise a child with a father like him. His betrayal feels so vile that she wants nothing to do with him. Its as if a veil lifts from her eyes.
The first few months after the divorce, including the birth, are incredibly hard. She moves back in with her parents, who are overjoyed, especially her sons grandparents. She misses James, but tries not to think about him. Deep down she knows she made the right choice and believes she can give her son everything he needs.
Once she regains strength, she starts looking for work. She has occasionally done legal translation, and now turns it into a fulltime remote job. Some months bring no income, but her parents support her. Soon she builds a stable client base and no longer needs their help.
Her son grows quickly, and she hardly notices the first few years passing. She only realises it when he needs his own room. Her parents dont want her to leave, but she wants her own spacea home office for herself and a comfortable study for him. By then she can afford to rent a flat.
From that point everything begins to fall into place. Nursery becomes primary school, first grade becomes fifth, and for the first time in years she feels happiness and freedom again. Then, unexpectedly, James reappears.
Their town isnt huge, and in the legal field everyone knows each other. So James easily discovers where her office is. She regrets not moving away with her son to another city. It turns out her exhusband has finally settled down and deeply regrets his actions. He says he was too young and foolish, that he never got to know his son, and he insists on meeting the boy.
The law doesnt prevent a father from seeing his child, and she knows that if James truly wants to, he will find ways to reach her son. The thought terrifies her. Several weeks pass after their conversation. She tells him she will think about it, but she cant process the idea. She wants to prevent her son from meeting his father.
Now she wonders whether this is some punishment for taking James away from his first wifea consequence of her choices. Perhaps she should move to another city.
