At our school, theres a girl an orphan.
She lives with her grandmother, whos frail, elderly, and deeply religious. Every Sunday morning, they walk past our house on the way to the village church, both thin and delicately vulnerable, dressed in spotless white headscarves. People say her grandmother doesnt let her watch television, eat sweets, or laugh with her mouth opena fear that mischief might slip in. The poor girl is made to wash her face with icy water each morning.
We teased her mercilessly. She just looked at us with grey, world-weary eyes and quietly said, God, forgive them. They dont know what theyre doing. No one tried to befriend her everyone called her odd. Her name was Emily. Angelina.
School dinners in my childhood werent much to brag about. But Fridays brought a rare treat: jam tarts with tea, or a sausage roll with cocoa and a little chocolate bar. One Friday, while we were teasing Emily, someone shoved her and she bumped into me. My tray tipped and a river of cocoa splashed over two older lads.
Well then, the sixth formers grumbled.
Run! I said, grabbing Emilys hand, and we sprinted back to our classroom.
It felt as if a wild bunch of cowboys and a herd of stampeding cattle were right behind us, hooting and hollering. The last two lessons were maths. Behind the glass door stood those two looming older boys. Now and then, the door would open a crack and their heads would peek in, then whisper together. I knew what was comingan inquest, a sentence, and execution.
If we slip out quietly, I know a way to the attic. We can stay there till its dark and then dash home.
No, Emily replied. Well leave with everyone else, like proper girls. In daylight and respectfully.
But, Emily, theyre waitingwhat if they
What? Tip a carton of milk over us? Shout a bit? Hit two girls in Year 5? Honestly.
Well
Even if they hit us, itll only happen once. If we run, well be scared every day.
So we walked out together with the rest of the class, modest and proper. Both those sixth form lads were leaning against the wall.
Oi, shorties, which one of you lost this? One was holding my Mickey Mouse wallet with a tenner inside (meant for the local swimming pool and art club fees).
Here you go, he said, pressing it into my palm. And dont leg it next time.
On the walk home, I swung my satchel and thought how wonderful life wasthat everything had sorted itself outand what a wonderful new friend Id found.
Do you want me to call my mum? She can ring your gran to ask permission, and we can go to mine and watch cartoons. Or arent you allowed?
Emily rolled her eyes.
Lets grab some waffles with condensed milk from Granny. She baked them this morning.
We stayed friends for years, until life scattered us to different corners of the globe.
But I never forget that one time.
Jumping off the diving board into the blue mirror of the pool is terrifying. But its only terrifying once.
Trying something new is scary. Worst case? Someone calls you a fool. Itll happen once. If you never try, youll repeat it to yourself every day.
Scared once, or scared every day.
You conquer fear onceor it takes over your life each day.
Theres a choice.
