So, imagine this: Eleanor was just coming out of the hospital when she bumped straight into this man in the doorway.
Sorry, he said, holding her gaze for a second.
But then, in the very next moment, his eyes shifted to that cold, dismissive look, and he turned away like Eleanor didn’t even exist. She was all too used to looks like that. Slender, long-legged women got a completely different kind of stare from men. Acting as though a beautiful figure made you special, mens eyes would light up greedily at the sight of them. It stungthis unfairness. Was it her fault she was built the way she was?
As a little kid, everyone cooed at her round cheeks and chubby legsshe was adorable. But once she hit school, lining up in P.E. always meant she was put first in the girls row. Some of the other kids called her Fatty, Piglet, even Pumpkin. That was the tame stuff. Shed rather not remember the cruelest nicknameschildren can be surprisingly heartless. The teachers noticed the bullying but did nothing about it.
Eleanor tried every diet under the sun, but the constant gnaw of hunger always won. Any weight that left her would come charging back. Shed always been rather pretty, but her size seemed to overshadow everything else.
She dreamed of becoming a teacher, but she abandoned that plan. The thought of being called names behind her back by the kids was unbearable. So, after school, she went for nursing college instead. After all, pain makes people care less about appearancesa nurse who could take care of you and ease your suffering was all that mattered.
Her cohort was mostly girls, too wrapped up in crushes and weddings to pay Eleanor much heed. She spent nearly every afternoon alone. In lectures, the other girls would ask her to sit in the front row, using her broad shoulders as a shield from the professors line of sight.
Shed walk past shop windows, gazing longingly at the beautiful dresses. She could never wear things like that. Instead, Eleanor chose roomy jumpers and loose skirts to hide her shape, her so-called imperfections. She was diligent, steady-handedher injections were virtually painless, something her elderly patients appreciated.
One day, she joined a trip to the ice rink with her course mates. Some teenage boys sneered at her. Watch out, the abattoirs missing its meat! they laughed. Their mockery stung, making her want to curl up in a ball and disappear.
Her mum did her best to introduce her to sons of family friends. A few times, Eleanor even went on dates. One fellow took one look and pretended he wasnt waiting for anyone, deliberately turning his back. Anotherbefore even getting to know hertried to grope her. She pushed him hard, and he tumbled backwards into a puddle. Acting up, are you? You should be grateful I even looked at you! he shouted. Eleanor, choking back tears, swore off dating after that. It was better to stick to her own company.
Online, her profile picture became Fiona from Shrek. When some guy asked what she really looked like, Eleanor replied, Exactly like my avatar, only not green. He thought she was kidding. You must be trying to scare off pesky admirers, he wrote, and then suggested a meetup. That was enough for Eleanor to drop the conversation entirely.
And then, one day in the wards corridor, a six-year-old boy dashed into her.
Where are you rushing to? There are poorly people here, you know, she said, gently grabbing his arm.
I wanted to slide along the lino, the boy admitted, completely honest.
And who are you here with?
My dad, to visit my gran. Do you know where the loo is? he asked.
Come on, Ill show you, Eleanor said, leading him to the end of the hallway. Will you manage on your own?
The boy gave her a pointed, grown-up look, as if offended at the mere suggestion. She couldnt bring herself to be annoyed by him. Soon, she heard the sound of the toilet flushing, and then the boy returned.
Lets go. Show me which room your grans in, Eleanor said.
He sighed, dragging his feet beside her. Then he stopped at one of the rooms, put on a dead-serious face, and raised a finger to his lip.
This one, I think, he said, pointing at Room Four.
Think? So you ran out without looking at the number? Or maybe you dont know your numbers yet? Eleanor teasedit was a mens ward.
Of course I do! I even know my letters. Thats her door, he said, finally pointing to Room Five.
Cheeky monkey, Eleanor scolded, pretending to be stern.
The boy burst out laughing. Whats your name?
Thomas, he managed to answer just as the door of Room Five opened. A tall, good-looking man stood on the threshold, giving Thomas a stern look.
Thomas, what took you so long? Then, seeing Eleanor, he gave her a single, judging glance and lost all interest. Was he misbehaving? he asked, not looking at her.
Eleanor had seen that cold, disinterested look on countless men.
He wasnt. No need to scold him, she replied, a bit sharply, and turned away.
Come on, say goodbye to Gran, she heard the man say behind her.
The next day, Thomas came back with his dad to visit his grandmother. The man walked right past Eleanor, not acknowledging her at all. She stuck her tongue out at his back. At that moment, Thomas glanced over his shoulder and laughed, giving her a big thumbs-up. She grinned and waved back.
Later on, after visiting hours, Eleanor popped into Room Five.
Youre looking well today, Mrs. Harding. Did your grandson come to see you? she asked.
Yes, you saw him, didnt you? Hes a wonderful boy. Id love to live long enough to see the man hell become.
Youre not going anywhere yet. Youll be there to dote on great-grandchildren, just you wait, Eleanor said cheerily.
God willing. I worry about him. Hes growing up without a mother, Mrs. Harding sighed.
Did she…?
Oh no, shes still alive. She just ran off, leaving Thomas with us.
You said with us…
He’s not my biological grandson, but we care for him as if he were. My son married a real beauty. Only after the wedding did she admit she already had a child. Not the best way to start a marriage, is it? My husband nearly had a heart attack over it, and now Ive ended up in hospital too.
Two years ago, Thomass mum got a lucrative job offer abroad. She used to be a model, you see. Motherhood got in the way. Now, every woman my son dates is the same sortbeautiful, selfish. Thomas wants nothing to do with them.
Eleanor was still thinking about Mrs. Hardings story later that day, especially when she came in to give her an injection and found her sniffling.
Mrs. Harding, remember youre not supposed to get stressed out, Eleanor gently reminded her.
Im not. Look, here Mrs. Harding handed her a piece of paper.
On it was a drawing of a boy holding hands with a man and a woman. It was pretty clear this was Thomas and his parents.
Thomas is looking for a mum, I reckon. Seems to me hes drawn you, Eleanor.
No, no, hes drawn his own mum, Eleanor protested.
He doesnt remember her. She was so slim, but this mum’s bigger, even taller than his dad. Thats you, love. See for yourself. Mrs. Harding sniffed again.
Eleanor saw it immediatelythe Mum in the drawing was unmistakably the largest figure. Even kids see how big I am. A man like Thomass dad could never fancy me. Some dream, eh? she thought sadly.
From then on, whenever Eleanor came to administer Mrs. Hardings injections, theyd share a few words. Next time Thomas visited, he came straight to Eleanor.
Hello. Have you got reliable hands? he asked.
I hope so! Eleanor replied, caught off guard.
Gran says shes safe in your hands. Shell be out soon, wont she? My birthdays next week, he blurted out all at once.
I think your gran will be fine to go home soon. And how old will you be?
Six! Thomas said proudly. Will you come to my birthday?
Thank you! Of course Ill come, but Ill have to ask your dad first, Eleanor replied.
Ill ask him now! He dashed back into the ward.
Eleanor got caught up with work and didnt see them leave. But the next day, Thomas and his dad were waiting for her at the nurses station.
Dad, you promised! Thomas tugged his hand as Eleanor arrived.
Yes, I remember, his dad said, looking her in the eye for the first time. Would you like to come to Thomass sixth birthday party? Heres our address and my number. One oclock, Saturdaywed love to see you if you can make it.
All your details are on the chart, Eleanor replied, flushing. And Ive no plans this weekend.
I shouldve guessed. Thomas is really looking forward to it. And if you dont come, hell be upsetand thatll upset Mum too. You told her not to get stressed
A whole week away! Must try to lose a bit more weight before then, Eleanor vowed.
That evening, she told her mum about Thomas.
Of course you must go! Children see more than grown men ever do. Who knows, maybe youll hit it off with his dad? Dont look at me like thathes searching for a mum.
His dad doesnt even notice I exist, Eleanor replied gloomily.
Dont sell yourself short. I expect he knows his own feelings arent the only ones that matter. Otherwise hed have married another model long ago.
When Saturday arrived, Eleanor washed and set her hair early, chose her best dress, and added a flick of mascara. She frowned at her reflectionno matter how much she tried to doll herself up, it didnt make her slimmer.
Shed bought Thomass present as soon as hed invited her, so that was all sorted. Hes waiting for me, so Ive got to go, she sighed, stepping away from the mirror.
As soon as she pressed the buzzer at the flat, the door clicked open almost instantly. Her heart was hammering.
Youre here! Thomas rushed over and hugged her tight as he could, grinning up at her.
She ruffled his short hair and handed him his present. His eyes sparkled when he saw the colourful box.
The room was set for a partythe table covered in cakes and sandwiches. Ivan sat at the table, with a striking blonde woman beside him. On the other side was an older gentleman. Must be Thomass granddad, thought Eleanor.
The blonde, all model poise, raised a perfectly arched eyebrow, giving Eleanor a full once-over.
Meet my lifesaver, Eleanor. This is Boris, my husband. Youve met Thomas. And this is Ivans old friend, Sophie, Mrs. Harding said, not looking at the blonde.
Sophie arched her brow again, looking distinctly unimpressed. Mrs. Harding, meanwhile, was serving Eleanor some salad, whenaccidentallyher sleeve tipped over a glass of wine. The contents splashed out and soaked Sophies lap. There was a startled shriek, then a clatter as her chair toppled backwards. A commotion followed.
Despite Mrs. Hardings apologies, Sophie started gathering her things to leave. Nobody really stopped her. Eleanor considered making her own exit.
Dont take it to heart, but Ivan began.
It missed me, so why should I be offended? Eleanor said. In fact, I think I should be going myself.
Mums baked her signature piedont let her down. Ill drive you home afterwards.
During the drive, they sat in silence.
I didnt need an escort; I could have made my own way back, Eleanor finally said.
Mum would never forgive me if I let you go alone. You do seem to keep popping up in my life these days. Wouldnt put it past her to try and get us hitched.
Well, I dont love you, and you dont love me, Eleanor replied, her voice trembling. No need to worryIll stay out of your way from now on.
Just then the car stopped outside her house. Eleanor tried the handle but it was locked.
Open it please, now, she demanded, raising her voice.
Suddenly, Ivan leaned in and kissed her. Shocked, Eleanor pushed him away with all her might.
What do you think youre doing? Bored of glamorous blondes and fancy a bit of variety? Expect me to be grateful for your attention? she snapped, cheeks blazing with angerin that moment, Ivan found her stunning. The models hed dated always acted so aloof and sure of themselves.
Im so sorry, I dont know what came over me. I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just, for a second, I thought
Yes, well. Ive never been kissedunless you count the kind of bloke who sees me as an easy target. No one actually tries to get to know methey just pity me or ignore me, she shot back and stormed out.
Late August brought a sudden cold snaprain and wind and falling leaves. Three weeks went by after Thomass party, and Eleanor didnt see Ivan at all.
After work one day, she kicked off her soggy boots, relishing being home, when her mum called out, A young man was here for you.
Who?
Tall, good-looking, seemed quite worried. Said for you to give him a ring.
Eleanor immediately dialled his number, sneaking into the kitchen.
Its me who came to see you. Thomas is poorly. Would you be able to come round? He needs injections Ivans voice was strained.
Ill be right there! Eleanor said, pulling her boots back on.
Running out the door, she realised she hadnt even asked if they had swabs or syringes. She stopped at the chemist on the way, buying everything just in case.
Thomas cheered up the instant he saw her. His hair was sweaty, but his temperature was coming down. Eleanor washed her hands, got readyand administered the injection. Antibiotics and vitamins.
You remember Ive got reliable hands, right? So you dont need to worry, she said, noticing Thomas was nervous.
He screwed his eyes up tight, then announced afterwards, It only hurt a tiny bit!
Ivan watched her, fascinatedno one had ever looked at Eleanor like that before. She blushed, feeling suddenly beautiful; her heart fluttered.
Afterwards, Ivan insisted on driving her home.
Eleanor, how about we go for coffee? We never really talked.
Youre only doing this for your son, arent you? Dont. Ill only hopeand you cant possibly love me. Im too fat.
You? Fat? Youre warm, gentle, and kind. Kids knowthey cant be fooled. Thomas likes you. And I do too. I think we could make a proper family.
And if Thomass real mum comes back?
She wont. Shes sent legal papersshes remarried abroad. Her sons not her concern. Hes mine now. Sohow about that coffee?
Yes, Eleanor said simply.
Everyone has someone out there just for thema soulmate, a missing piece. Looks dont matter. Sometimes people miss each other entirely, or meet but dont see whats right in front of them, too distracted by the outside to notice a kindred spirit. Maybe love is what helps us see a beautiful heart in a girl the rest of the world overlooks. In the end, the one person truly meant for you will see youand love youjust as you are.
