Later on, a curious return unfolded.
When I was eighteen, I discovered I was pregnant. My parents didnt support me, believing it far too early to have a child. My husband had just been called up for military service. Both of my grandmothers seemed to speak as one:
Baby is your concern. Dont expect me to care for your child now, my mother told me.
My mother-in-law wouldnt speak to me at all. So, I moved in with my Aunt Judith, on my fathers side.
Judith was thirty-eight then, childless, and had given her life to work. She held no grudges against my parents:
I understand them it was hard when you were born. They worked themselves ragged for you. There were times they barely had anything to eat. Your father used to unload lorries at night for a bit of money.
But now theyre comfortable. Your dads got a good wage, they have a two-bedroom flat. Your mum works. And here you are, about to have a baby.
Do you think theyll never care? I asked Judith.
They just want more time for themselves. You shouldnt judge them. Theyll come round, sooner or later.
No help came from them. I packed my things and settled in with Judith.
When my husband returned from service, our son was nearly two. During his absence, my mother-in-law never visited her grandson. My parents came only twice.
My husband worked as a car mechanic, tried to finish his studies, but it didnt work out. We stayed with Judith. Once my son started nursery and I found a job, Judith moved out for work elsewhere, so we rented a small flat. Later, my husbands grandmother died.
His mother sold her old mums flat, renovated, and bought everything she wanted. My husband begged her not to sell, offered to pay monthly and eventually buy it back, but she refused.
Why must I sacrifice my own interests and life? Ive wanted new things for ages. You want to do it for me? she replied breezily.
Five years passed; our daughter was born. We knew we needed a home of our own. My husband started working overseas. Saving enough for a flat wasnt easy. I stayed in rented rooms with the kids.
Meanwhile, my mum was alone in her three-bedroom flat, my dad had left her two years before, yet she claimed there was no space for her daughter or grandchildren. Staying with my mother-in-law was impossible tooshe was always redecorating, never keen to help.
My husband worked abroad for several years. Eventually, we managed to buy our own flat. We did it entirely on our own.
Now, our eldest finishes Year 8, our daughters in Year 2. We truly know the worth of money. We saved every penny. Theres no trouble anymore. We each have our own car, and every summer we holiday at the seaside.
The only person were genuinely thankful for is Aunt Judith. She can ring us anytime and ask anything.
Our parents, though, hit hard times. Mum lost her job, recently called asking for help, but we said no.
My mother-in-laws in a similar fixretired, unwilling to live frugally. She spent all the money from her old flat years ago. My husband declined to help too, suggesting she sell the large, newly renovated flat and buy a one-bedroom.
My husband and I owe nothing to anyone. We treat our children differently than our parents treated us. Well always help them, in any way possible. I trust well have their support in old age.
