What are you shouting at me for?! exclaimed the man, quite indignant. Im patching up your wife and feeding her, and youre raising your voice at me?! Really, now! And so the quarrelling continued, man and bird, until the ravens voice rasped dry and the man was spent from the effort.
The man was wandering home after an early shift at the biscuit factory. The weekend was finally upon him; that alone felt like a victory. But it wasnt just the prospect of a lie-in causing his spirits to soar. On Saturday night, he had a long-awaited date with a woman hed met online.
For a month theyd exchanged messages. They swapped stories of mundane jobs, spoke of their hobbies, shared the hoping and groaning that fill out English days. It had all the makings of something ordinary, yet quietly hopeful the way these things sometimes do. Now at last, the meeting was set. All that remained was to ring the snug little inn and book their corner table, then fret over which shirt looked most promising.
With thoughts swirling like leaves in his mind, he approached his own home a standard block of flats, his little place perched up on the fourth floor like a nesting box. He had only fifty paces to go. In dreams, it often seems that just one step separates the world we know and something entirely different, and so it was too, but
Ah, but theres always this but.
Right at the entrance, from a tree hed never noticed before, a crow tumbled to the ground at his feet. The bird thrashed and shrieked a cry that split the dull afternoon, while above, branches swayed beneath a frantic, cawing flock. The noise was like the collapse of the sky.
Fantastic, he muttered. Exactly what I needed.
The crow tried to hop away, failed, and crumpled again. He noted her right leg was bent at an awful angle.
And what on earth am I supposed to do with you, then? he said to no one, though she was listening.
He couldnt just leave her. Slipping off his waxed jacket, he draped it over the bird, gently gathered her up, and trotted inside to the sound of wild, desperate caws.
At home, he unwrapped the crow and examined the break. Instantly, her beak clamped onto his finger.
Bloody hell! he swore, wincing as he wrapped a dishcloth around her pointed face.
Several phone calls to vets left him in limbo apparently no one did birds. Friends offered little but good luck. But then he remembered: hed fixed engines, clocks, even an unfortunate hedgehog once. Why not a crow?
He lined a bread box with soft towels, settled her in the windows light, and called her immediately Clara.
For hours he whittled away at a rudimentary splint: two lollipop sticks with a notch carved dead centre, stuck together and secured with that omnipresent roll of black tape. Satisfied, he gently freed her beak.
Clara lunged, eyes bright, beak snapping again.
Easy now, he said. Im only trying to help. Still, you must be fed, too.
A bit of searching told him what he needed: the tackle shop for mealworms and maggots, the corner chemist for tweezers and a cheap plastic syringe. Returning, he began the task: prising open the furious beak, nudging in wriggling snacks, dribbling tap water down her throat. Clara spat, cawed, and battled back. He grumbled and persevered.
At last, exhaustion came for both. Clara, belly full and nerves worn thin, fell asleep. The man, just as battered, tumbled into bed.
In the chill morning, the daydream repeated: hand-feeding, heady cawing, a stubborn stalemate. But then something new: outside the glass, a great raven loomed, peering in as though summoned by deep instinct.
Not sure precisely why, the man lifted the sash.
You must be Claras chap. Well, come on then. See for yourself I mean well.
The raven regarded the scene sidelong, weighing it up, then crept inside and shuffled close.
Clara let out a creaky squawk. The raven squared up to the man, puffed up his feathers, and let out a thunderous Caw!
Whats your problem?! the man said, genuinely cross. Im tending your wife, mate bit of thanks wouldnt go amiss! Is this how you treat generosity?!
They shouted at each other, man and black-feathered bird, for half an hour or more, until the ravens voice broke and the man could do little but pant.
Finally, the man slid two little Tupperware tubs over: one for mealworms, the other for maggots. He said nothing.
The raven inspected the fare with dignity, as if pondering its provenance, then plunged in.
Oh, I see how it is, the man said wryly. Go on, help yourself. Why not? Seems like I bloody bought it for you, anyway.
Fed, the raven went to Clara and fussed over her feathers.
Well then the man murmured, unexpectedly moved. A spot of tenderness, is it? Dont worry, mate, Ill see your Clara right. Just tell her to quit snapping and let me do my job, yeah?
That night the raven disappeared into the inky dark, but in the morning he returned, tapped the window, waited politely, checked on Clara, and breakfasted with composure.
Morning, old boy, said the man with a smile. Looks like were starting to understand each other
Claras mate watched all the proceedings like a stern uncle: grave, solemn, never interfering.
Suddenly, the man remembered a jolt as sharp as cold water. Oh God he moaned, clutching his brow. Shes waiting for me! I never booked the table
He scrabbled for his mobile and dialed.
I am so sorry he began, and with a candour born of fatigue, told the whole odd tale.
So youre saying some old crow means more to you than our date?! the woman shot back, voice sharp as vinegar.
No, no youve got it wrong! None of that its justthis odd thing happened
Well, you and your crow clearly deserve each other! She hung up.
Thats that, I suppose, he sighed, glancing at the raven. Dates off. Never started, really.
Just then, the raven flapped up onto the table, spread both wings wide, puffed his chest, and strutted about, a one-bird parade.
The man almost laughed. Im not sure if you follow a word of this, old fella, but supports support, right? Is that what youre saying? Dont sulk?
At that moment the doorbell chimed. Standing there was his upstairs neighbour from five a kindly woman with a warm, cider-apple smile, who always greeted him on the stairs.
Sorry to bother you she began, a little shy. But theres been a flock of crows prowling round your window for days. Is everything all right in there?
Thats, er, complicated, he said sheepishly. Come and see for yourself.
She stepped in, stopped short, eyes wide.
Heavens above she gasped. Youre nursing a crow?
Clara, he clarified.
Well, then, the raven must be Charles, she laughed, bell-bright and clear, and the man was startled to notice how long it had been since hed heard a laugh like that.
Charles did a little dance on the table, preening with pride. The neighbour laughed again, and suddenly he thought maybe that missed table booking wasnt such a tragedy after all.
And after that, it all became easier. Charles doted on the visitor: whenever she arrived, he would beam, shuffle close, and smooth out his wings. She blushed and laughed along.
Clara gradually realised she was among friends she stopped snapping, started feeding herself, and healing came faster. The man even gave his neighbour a spare key, so she could care for the birds in his absence.
He found himself liking her more with each visit. Hed just worked up the nerve to invite her for drinks when something else happened.
Late that evening, after another tiring shift, the man was on his way home with a sense of secret excitement. Over lunch hed nipped out and bought her a small silver chain, tiny red heart dangling from the clasp.
He ambled along, rehearsing how he might give it, when out of the pool of a streetlamp two men appeared.
Hand over your wallet, mobile, and watch, one snapped, flicking a knife.
And your coat, added the other.
The man didnt even have time to be afraid.
From above, a living storm descended. Screeching, wild beating of wings, pecking and chaos. Dozens of beaks jabbed with righteous fury the ravens had come.
He ran home. In the morning, the door rang.
His neighbour stood there, white as a sheet and shaking so fiercely he wanted to fold her in his arms.
Oh thank God! she blurted, pressing close. Youre alive! I was sure I thought it must have been you they attacked last night
What happened? he asked, brushing her hair back.
In the night, a gang of crows ambushed two men. Nearly pecked them to bits. Theyre in hospital. It was
He smiled faintly, then recalled, Oh nearly forgot. I got you a present.
Her cheeks flushed. You shouldnt have. You really But when he showed the silver chain with its heart, she broke into a smile and kissed him softly on the cheek.
How lovely, thank you, she said, reaching for it but
A sudden flicker of black fury! Charles swooped down, snatched the shimmering chain from the mans hand, and dropped it at Claras feet by the box.
The man and his neighbour roared with laughter.
Ill get another, he promised, almost in tears.
Charles puffed up, croaked a triumphant Crawwww! while Clara daintily tucked her new treasure deep in her makeshift nest.
And there, on the threshold, the man and the woman kissed and it hardly seemed to matter how strange life got.
After all, some things are simply, irrepressibly, family businesshowever it unfolds in the dream.
