Sit down. Were not in, Richard said calmly, barely above a whisper.
But, someones at the door! Evelyn froze, half-standing from the sofa.
Let them ring, Richard replied, cool as ever.
What if its someone important? Evelyns voice trembled. Or something urgent?
Its Saturday, noon. Richard gestured at the clock. You didnt invite anyone, Im not expecting anyone. Simple as that.
Ill just peek through the spyhole, Evelyn whispered, inching towards the hallway.
Sit! The steel in Richards voice was unmistakable. Were not home. Whoever it is can trudge off.
But do you know who it is? Evelyn pressed, nervousness creeping in.
Ive an idea. Thats why I said keep away from the window.
If its who I think, they wont just leave, she shrugged, bracing herself.
Well see how patient they are. Richards face was stone. They wont camp in the stairwell overnight. Weve no plans, so just sit down, put your headphones in and watch something on your phone.
Evelyn hesitated, glancing down. Rick, my mums calling. She flashed the screen at him.
Reckon your Aunt Susans at the door, with that useless cousin of yours, Richard concluded.
How on earth do you know? Evelyn blinked in disbelief.
If it were my cousin Richard spat the word out with a particular distaste, my mum would be ringing instead.
Couldnt it be someone else? Evelyn pressed, almost pleading.
If its the neighbours, I dont fancy chatting. If its friends, theyd ring twice and gomore likely, theyd have called first to see if we were around, not hammered the bell half the morning. The only ones brazen enough to badger our buzzer this long are our blessed relatives.
Evelyn sighed, barely audible. Rick, its my aunt. Mums just sent a text asking where the devil we are. Aunt Susans staying a few daysshes got things to do in town, apparently.
Text backtheres plenty of hotels in London. Richard grinned slyly.
I cant say that! Evelyn gasped, shocked at his suggestion.
I know. Richard mused. Tell her were not home, staying in a hotel because the flats being fumigated for cockroaches.
Perfect. Evelyn sent off the text, relief in her eyes.
Shes asking if well book two rooms for her and Dean, Evelyn said, truly flabbergasted.
Tell her we cant afford it. Say weve got two bunks in a hostel, sharing with fifteen builders. Richard smirked at his own cunning.
My mum wants to know when were coming back, Evelyns eyes hovered over her phone, torn.
Say in a week. Richard waved a hand dismissively.
The ringing finally stopped. The two slouched back, heaving shared sighs of relief.
Rick Mums saying Aunt Susans coming next week instead, Evelyn moaned, defeated.
And, once again, well be unavailable. Richards grin was fleeting.
Rick, you know this isnt a real solution? Evelyns voice quivered. We cant avoid them forever! What if they show up on a weekday? Or wait outside after work? You know how relentless my aunt and your cousin can be!
Richards expression darkened. Yeah, and why on earth did we buy a three-bedroom in the first place?
It was supposed to be for our future big family, Evelyn said softly.
We need a babybetter yet, twins! Richard said, suddenly earnest.
What, like Im against it? Evelyn burst, frustrated. You know full well Ive been to doctors! Its its just not happening.
Get rid of these family-induced nerves, and well be fine, Richard said, determined. Its our nerves, Ev. Yours or mine, one after the other! If only we could put the whole lot on the next train out, maybe something would finally work out.
Evelyn didnt argue. She knew he was right.
***
When theyd agreed to marry, theyd forked out for all the testscompatibility, genetics, fertility. Everything had been perfect. But right after the wedding, thoughts of children had to go on hold. They needed to afford a place of their own.
Neither could hope for an inheritance. Before marriage, both had lived with mums in one-bedroom council flats. If anything was going to happen, they had to do it themselves.
Five years of scraping by, saving every spare penny, and finally theyd bought a proper flat. Old building, mind, but newly refurbished, every bit of furniture bought new. The happiness was off the charts.
That song from an old West End musical played on loop in their headsa bittersweet refrain about council blocks and dreams.
But theyd barely hosted a single housewarming before Evelyns aunt showed up on the doorstepwith her grumpy son in tow. And to make sure the new couple wouldnt put up a fuss, her motherthe dreaded mother-in-lawcame along too.
Theres plenty of room here, you two wont even notice us! Aunt Susan crowed. No more being cramped like you lot were growing up!
Very convenient, Aunt Susan agreed, steering her son into the spare. Deanll be fine here, Ill have that little room at the end.
No one sleeps in the lounge, Richard replied. Thats the living room.
Im not planning on getting any shut-eye, believe me! Aunt Susan boomed, as if it were a joke. Ev, love, tell your husband its not onDean snores something rotten. And no ones even put the kettle on for guests yet!
We didnt know you were coming, Evelyn faltered, cheeks flushed.
And the fridge is bare, Richard quickly added, coming to her rescue.
Well, cant be helped! Aunt Susan declared. Rick, pop down to the Sainsburys. Evelyn, off you go to the kitchen!
Her mothers sharp voice cut through the flat. Go on, dont dawdle! Is this how you treat family?
You can Richard started, but Evelyn was already dragging him out.
When Evelyn finally released his arm, he seethed, Ev, do family do this? One more word and Ill send them all packingyours and mine! Invited themselves and act like its their own home. Outrageous!
Shes just got simple ways, Rickgrew up in the countryside. Its just what they do!
I know people from the village. Thats not manners, Ev. That’s just plain rude.
Please, Rick, dont start things with Mum and Aunt. Theyll make my life misery and treat you like dirt! Is that what you want?
Honestly, I couldnt care less! If they cant respect us, Ive no trouble pretending they dont exist. If they disappeared tomorrow I wouldnt shed a tear.
Rick, please For my sake. Ive only got her.
That argument worked. Richard gritted his teeth and headed to the supermarket.
Aunt Susan ended up staying two weeks, instead of three days. By the second evening, Richard was dosed on valerian just to keep himself steady.
When Susan and her son finally left, the newlyweds actually toasted their freedomcleaning the flat like the aftermath of a wild bonfire party.
But the cycle repeated. This time, it was Richards cousin.
Mate, just a quick one, his cousin Paul had exclaimed, nearly crushing Richard with a bear hug. Got to run some errands in town, but then well be straight off.
Couldnt you sort things alone? Richard asked, already dreading the answer.
Ive got a family! What am I meant to do, leave them back in the village? Use your brain, mate! If I run into anything wild, my wifell keep me in line!
And you brought the kids too? Richards eyebrows lifted.
Where else would I leave them? Paul clapped him on the back. Theyll have a blast! Lets hit the city like we did in our teens!
Soph! shouted Pauls wife, Sophie, Try it, Paul, and Ill hit you so hard youll still be spinning when your familys long gone!
Within ninety minutes, Evelyn had succumbed to a headache. Screaming kids, Sophies shrill nagging, Paul dreaming of pub crawlsshe was ready to lose it.
Rick, arent you your mums only son? Evelyn murmured from beneath the pillow.
Cousin on the maternal side, Richard grumbled. I just call him cuz.
Well, whatever you call him, can you suggest he leaves?
Id love to! But its just like your aunt. If I do, my mumll spend the next year making me pay for it in guilt!
As soon as one set of guests left, another arrived. Aunt Susan with her own city errands. Paul and his clan with more business to settle. Both mothers never missed a chance to meddle, one tormenting her son-in-law, the otherher daughter-in-law.
The constant stress battered their marriage, draining all hope of growing their dreamed-of family. With exhaustion, emotional strain, and the ever-present threat of the next knock at the door, children were out of the question. How could they even think about it, stuck on this mad carousel?
***
Lets swap flats, suggested Evelyn one evening.
For a padded cell? Richard quipped. Well be getting one at this rate anyway!
No Evelyn laughed, just a little, I mean lets swap with someone in a different area. Other people want to live around here. We could move somewhere else and never tell anyone where.
Thatd only stall the inevitable, Richard scoffed. Paul and Aunt Susan will find the new tenants sooner or later and fish our address out of themand then string us up for it!
Maybe well have enough time to conceive before they catch on? Evelyn crossed her fingers.
We need enough time to have the baby! Not even that will stop them! Richard shook his head. If only moving would work. But they’d just camp outside, pregnant or not.
Might as well just give up the flat and stay with friends, Evelyn sighed. At least we could hide.
Youre thinking of Mark and Kate? asked Richard.
She nodded, hopeful. Theyve even got a spare room.
But Tessa lives thereremember? Richard grinned slyly.
Id rather share with their German shepherd than our relatives any day, Evelyn muttered, head in hands.
Hold on! Richard leapt for his phone, eyes bright. Mark! Can we borrow your dog?
The voice on the other end boomed with relief. Mate, I owe you! We were desperate. Kate and I are heading to the seaside, but Tessa hates strangersexcept for you two! Ill bring her food, her blanket, toys! Ill pay you!
Bring her, Richard replied, triumphant.
Turning to his wife, beaming, he said: Call your mum, tell her Aunt Susan can come tomorrow! Ill ring my cousintell him to bring the whole tribe this week!
Are you sure? Evelyn stared, half in shock.
Wed love to have them, Richard beamed. It isnt our fault if they dont get on with our beloved pet.
Paul and his brood only needed to hear one growl from Tessa before they opted for a Premier Inn over their cousins hospitality.
Shut that beast away! Sophie shrieked from behind her trembling son.
Aunt Susan, you must be joking! Richard declared, unable to hide his glee. Forty-five kilos of pure muscleshes no lapdog; shell plough through any door she likes!
Why is she baring her teeth at me? Aunt Susans voice wavered.
Shes not fond of strangers, Evelyn replied with a shrug.
Get rid of her! I cant stay with that creature!
Get rid of her? Richard spluttered. Shes our dog, our family! We dont have kidswe need someone to love, and we love her!
And wed never part with her, Evelyn added fiercely.
Both mums called, asking why family had been turned away.
No one sent them off! Richard and Evelyn answered. They just decided not to stayif they want to visit, were always glad to see them!
But what about the dog?
Mum, weve never said no to anyone!
Funny, neither mother seemed so eager to visit after that. One month on, Tessa went back to Mark and Kateready to return if needed.
Didnt matter now. Evelyn was pregnantwith twins.
All that mattered was learning not to say noto themselves.
