No More Hope
I dont want your money! I snapped, throwing the crumpled notes on the floor.
In fact, thats your money, the landlord replied coolly. And what happened isnt my fault. Please dont make a scene, youll wake the neighbours.
I shot her a furious look, turned on my heel, and headed for the stairs.
Once I made it out of the building, my legs almost gave out beneath me, and I stumbled to a bench. I sat down, covered my face with my hands, and let the tears comequiet, almost silent. My mind tortured me with regret:
If only Id known things would end like this, Id never have gone to that wedding.
*****
Alice, Im getting married! my friend Claire announced over the phone. The weddings in a month. And then were having a blessing at the church. Will you come?
Congratulations! Im really happy for you, Claire. But I sighed, heavy-hearted.
What is it? Come on, spit it out!
Sorry, but I dont think Ill be able to come. Truly, I wish I could, but
What do you mean, cant come? Claires surprise was genuine. Weve been friends since year one, gotten through thick and thin, and youre telling me you wont come to my wedding? Are you trying to upset me?
Thats the last thing I want, I promise. Its just that the wedding and blessingwell, that all lasts several days.
Well, yes. Three days. But Im sure you can get time off work.
Its not work Its the cat. Timothy. I have no one to leave him with, and theres no way I can bring him along. You understand. So
No, dont even go there! You have to be at my wedding, and at the blessing too! Ask someone to look after the cat while youre away. Or leave him at a catterythey exist for a reason. Everything can be sorted, Im sure. If youre stuck, Ill help.
I dont know, Claire
Youve got a whole month, Alice. Please, dont let me down. On such an important day, I want my best friend there.
I was left thinking deeply after that call. On one hand, I didnt want to disappoint Claire, my closest friend. On the other, I had no idea what to do about Timothy. No chance was I leaving him alone in my flat, even with a months supply of food and water. Timothy was a sociable cat, and he hated being left on his owneven for two or three days.
After thinking about it almost daily, I finally decided I must go to the wedding. I entrusted Timothy to a woman who, at the time, seemed trustworthy and responsible.
Her name was Mrs. Elizabeth Baker, and Id found her catterys advert online. Shed been running cat boarding for years and promised safe return of all pets.
Words on a screen can say anything, so before agreeing, I read every review I could find. They were all positive. Several people said theyd used her services multiple times, always happily. The clincher for me: Mrs. Baker had worked at a vets surgery, and could offer help if needed.
After weighing up the pros and cons, I bit the bullet and called her to arrange a meeting.
Her flat was spacious, three rooms, and the biggest was devoted entirely to housing cats. The place impressed me. The cats living conditions were good, and Mrs. Baker herself seemed kind and genuine.
Best of all, I figured Timothy wouldnt have time to miss me with so many other cats around to keep him occupied.
Timothy, my boy, it’s only three days. Please hold on, alright?
He nuzzled my legs and gave me a look I knew so well. He wanted a cuddle, but I really had to go.
Dont worry so, love, said Mrs. Baker with a warm smile. Hell be just fine.
I do hope so. Here, this is for you, I handed over two fifty-pound notes. If anything crops up, please call me, alright?
Of course.
*****
Three days flashed by. Claire was absolutely overjoyed that Id come to her wedding and blessing, and I was happy for her as she started this new phase of her life. Her new husband seemed solid and trustworthy.
Still, I couldnt stop thinking about Timothy. Every single day, Id call Mrs. Baker.
Hello, hows Timothy? Is he being good? Not trouble?
Hello, Alice, shed reply, hes just fine. Eating well, using the litter tray as he should. Are you still coming back in three days?
Yes. Why?
No reason, really. Just checking. Sometimes people end up staying longer and only tell me at the last minute. I might have another cat booked. I just like to check, that’s all.
No, my plans havent changed. To be honest, I couldnt have left Timothy for more than three days anyway. I really miss him. Cant wait to see him again.
When I finally got back to town, I rang Mrs. Baker and headed straight to her. She sounded almost sad on the phone. That sigh of hers left me unsettled.
Stop being silly. Nothing could have gone wrong. She said Timothy was fine, I told myself. But a looming dread wouldnt let go of me.
Your cat ran away she blurted when I arrived.
What?! How?!
Well, you see, the neighbours upstairs started some renovations, it was terribly noisy. The cats got scared. I wanted to bang on the pipes, but thought that would just make them more nervous. So I decided Id ask the neighbours to keep it down for a few days. The moment I opened the front door, Timothy bolted out. I couldnt stop him.
Why didnt you call me? Why lie?!
I thought I could find him myself. Sometimes cats escape. There are so many cats and theres only one of me. When its happened before, I always found them. But this time, I couldnt. Ive put adverts online, but so far, nothing. But its still possible to find him, dont lose hope yet.
Dont lose hope? How could you let this happen? You promised hed be safe!
If you want, you can take your money back.
I dont want your money! I spat, throwing the notes on the floor.
As I said, its your money, Mrs. Baker replied calmly. And its not my fault. Please, dont make a scene or youll wake the neighbours.
I shot her a furious look, turned and stormed down the stairs.
Out in the street, my vision swam. I barely made it to a bench before I nearly collapsed. I couldnt believe any of it. Why did I go to that wedding? Why did I leave Timothy?
My mind flashed back to happier days. Last December, Id been trudging home from work, looking forward to the holidays. Suddenly, a little orange ball of fluff darted from the darkness and wrapped himself round my ankles. Before I knew it, the kitten had scaled my jeans and landed in my arms.
Well, arent you cheeky! I laughed, not quite sure what to do with him, but unable to leave him behind. I took him home.
I spent New Years with Timothy, spent my days off looking after him, and without realising, loved him more with every day.
Mum, you really ought to find a decent boyfriend, not collect stray ginger cats, my mum joked when I told her.
Well, the cat found me first. Any boyfriend will just have to accept hes second, I laughed.
Of course, I told everyone at work about Timothy.
“Honestly, I think cats choose their humans when its cold, raining, or snowing. And then
And then? my colleagues asked eagerly.
Then they just pop out of nowhere, all alone and shivering, and look at you with those sad little eyes as if to say: Its freezinglet’s go home? And thats it. You scoop them up, and you simply cant say no.
You ought to write a book, Alice! theyd laugh.
I knew they didnt fully get itnone of them had pets yet. But eventually, theyd all understand.
Timothy brought fur, yes, but also warmth and love into my home. Every evening when I returned from work, hed be waiting at the door, ready with a cheerful Meow! and a gentle nudge with his soft head.
His favourite thing was dozing on my lapor better yet, curling up next to me, purring as loudly as a lorry engine.
Now there was no Timothy. No greetings, no purring. I clung to the hope that he was out there somewhere.
But I had no idea where.
Thats it! I said, getting up from the bench. Im not just going to sit here. I have to find him.
*****
Hello! Have you found him? I practically yelled when a volunteer called.
Maybe A woman got in touch, said she found a cat on the street who matches Timothys description. Shes expecting you. Ive texted you the address.
Thank you so much!
I truly meant it. Without all those people who responded to my plea for help, I wouldnt have managed.
It had been a gruelling six weeks since Timothys escape from Mrs. Bakers. The worst six weeks of my life. Every night, I scoured lost pet forums. But among all the ginger cats posted, Timothy wasnt there.
And to make it worse, my only photos of him were from when he was a kitten, nearly half a year agoId never imagined Id need a recent picture. Hed grown and changed so much.
I jumped from the taxi and buzzed the flat.
Whos there? came a womans voice.
Its Alice, about the ginger cat. The volunteer gave me your details.
Come up.
Ten minutes later, I left her building, looking in vain for a bench. There wasnt even that comfort. I simply stood and cried.
Shed found an orange cat, yesbut not mine. Nice, adorable, but not Timothy.
Ill keep him then, she said, hugging her ginger bundle. But I wish you luck. Keep looking. Dont lose hopeyoull find him.
For the first time, I was almost jealous of someone elses happiness, and I left quickly, not wanting to trouble her with my gloom.
Over the next few months, I was called several more timeseach time, the cat wasnt Timothy.
It was the hardest thing: hurryingsometimes runninghoping with every step that this time, in this flat, Id see my boy. But no, always someone elses cat.
I do understand, darling, mum would say down the phone. You loved him so much. But you have to live your life. Perhaps find another ginger cat. Theres bound to be plenty in town. Or come visit me, the neighbours cat had kittenstheres even a ginger one.
Thanks, mum. But I dont want another.
After six months passed, and still no sign of Timothy, I finally realised there was no hope left.
The only thing I prayed for was that he was still aliveeven if he was with another family, or among stray cats like himself. As long as he was alive.
*****
I didnt know how to go on.
I blamed myself for what happened. Was a wedding really worth it? If Id never gone, Id still have Timothy by my side.
Now now, I had no idea where he was, or what had become of him. And that not knowingthat was the worst part. Worse than losing him altogether.
On weekends, rather than stay at home where everything reminded me of what Id lost, I walked the city. Id wander through estates, check behind bins, hoping each time for a miracle.
I had stopped believing hed come back, yet I kept walking.
One day, I somehow found myself on the far edge of town, outside the animal shelter. Maybe mums rightmaybe I should take in another cat, I thought.
But the idea made me pause. And if Timothy comes back? Would he think Id abandoned him?
I was about to turn away when a staff member appeared.
Miss, are you looking for a pet?
I jumped, startled.
If youre interested, I can show you some of our cats and dogs. Theres no obligationjust looking doesnt mean anything! You might find someone who catches your eye, though.
Honestly, I didnt want to look at any animals. But I couldnt turn her down.
This is Simon. Over theres Jack. Arent they both lovely? the girl said.
Yes, theyre beautiful.
But standing there, surrounded by the animals at the shelter, I felt a little lighter inside for the first time in ages. Just a little. The cats and dogs looked at me with such hope, it was almost healing.
And whos over there? I nodded to a far pen.
Oh, thats our hermit-cat. Thats what we call himnot really very trustful. He hardly lets us near. Its been six monthshe came to us in a dreadful state, but we nursed him back to health. Still, no ones really managed to get close.
For some reason, my heart skipped a beat.
Could I see him?
Of course. This way.
At the sound of our footsteps, the ginger cat deliberately turned away, showing quite clearly he didnt want anything to do with peopleor to be stared at.
Thats him, our hermit. He always turns his back when we go near.
I barely listened. I stared at the ginger cat, and no, I wasnt imagining it.
Timothy? I asked, barely daring to breathe. Timothyis that you?
The cat slowly turned his head and looked at me, surprised. No, it couldnt be
Timothy! I called more surely now. Oh my God, youre alive! Come here, my darlingdo you recognise me?
For a moment, he hesitated, eyes meeting mine Is it really my owner?
Yes, he knew memy voice, my eyes, my scent. But he hesitated. She left me! Or did she? If she did, why is she here now? Should I trust her?
His cat-instinct told him to runrun to me. And finally, he did. To his favourite human.
The shelter worker barely managed to open the pen in time. We held each other tight.
Everyone watchedstaff, animals, even the clouds drifting across the sky. Even the sun was watching, and Im sure it was smiling. In moments like that, how can you not smile?
I left the shelter with Timothy in my arms, promising to help them however I could.
Theyd helped my boy, after all.
*****
On the way home, Timothy purred louder than ever, almost drowning out my thoughts, and meowed now and then, as if telling me all about that terrible day: I was so frightened, it was so noisy, and you werent there. So I ran. I had to find you. But I ended up getting hit by a car. Im so glad you found me. You wont leave me again, will you? He stopped purring, staring up at me.
No, Timothy. I wont ever leave you again. Never.Hand in paw, we made our way home through dusky streets. When I unlocked the door, Timothy pauseda little unsurethen followed inside. Everything smelled like old memories: his blanket was still by the window, his toys waited patiently atop the sofa, and the sun was falling in golden stripes through dusty glass. For a moment, he lingered, breathing it all in.
He padded, cautious but curious, around each familiar corner. Then, with a throaty, grateful trill, he leapt onto my lap as though hed never left. There, in the quiet of our living room, I pressed my cheek to his fur and he nuzzled underneath my chin, his purrs slow and steady, like a heartbeat.
Outside, the world kept spinningweddings would come and go, friends would call and drift away, heartaches would fade in time. But in that small bright space, Timothy and I found our peace. A second chance, when Id thought hope was gone.
We sat together for as long as the light lasted, the hush only interrupted by his engine-like rumble and the whisper of the breeze at the window. We didnt need words. We had each other. And this time, I knew: sometimes hope comes home after all.
