Sarah, do you really need a flat that size? her father asked, peering at her with a mix of expectation and urgency. You live alone. No kids, no fella. Not many mates, as far as I can tell. Why hang on to a two-bed? Theres the five of us packed like sardines in one. Be sensible, love. You could swap with me. Once my lot are older, well switch back if you like. Well? What do you say?
How did she feel about it? Did he really expect her to leap at the idea? After vanishing from her life for years without so much as a birthday card, he suddenly reappeared, bold as brass, with this delightful suggestion. Sarah felt frozen, rooted to the spot at his cheek. She hadnt imagined people could be quite so brazen As for friends, of course Sarah had themjust enough, and only as many as she liked.
So, Sarah, are we agreed then? her father pressed.
What about Mum? she asked quietly.
What about her? he shrugged.
She comes up a couple of times a month, you know that. Stays for dayssometimes nearly a week. Thats precisely why I need the second room.
She pops by twice a month? Not a problem! Theres that old fold-out in the garage. Well dust it off and set it up in the kitchen. Wheres the harm? Rather comfortable, reallyand right next to the fridge! He laughed. No midnight wandering. Bed here, kettle there. Sorted.
Sarah looked at him, not even hurt anymore. Lonely, on your own, spinsternone of it touched her now. She was dumbfounded instead. Did he truly think hed outfox everyone? Or that she was simple-minded?
Look, love, its a good deal for you! Your mum only drops in twice a month. Twice! We need the space every single day, you see the difference?
Of course. With the family. Sarah apparently didnt countnot for years now. Just the daughter from his first marriage, nothing to write home about. His three lads and his new wifetheres the family! Sarah heaved a sigh. She hadnt the energy to argue with her father, just mild curiosity about when, if ever, hed realise he wasnt the only one with a brain.
Dad, I only just finished paying off the mortgage. Worked for years to own that place It means a lot to me.
Oh, dont lay it on thick. Worked for years, did you? You got a good head start, remember? Or did that slip your mind? He raised an eyebrow.
A head start, she thought sourly. Yesif only he knew it wasnt him but Mum who made that possible. She wanted to say it aloud, but whats the point if hed only ignore her?
Dad Let me think about it, she settled on instead.
Of course, sweetheart! No harm in thinking. Nothing wrong with that. He clapped her on the shoulder, all smiles.
***
You shouldve told him to bog off, Sarah! her mum fumed, pacing the little living room. Swap flats indeedwhy not simply hand him the deeds? Its nonsense!
I cant, Mum. Hes still my dad… Feels awkward, Sarah admitted, blushing.
Awkward, love? Its not awkward for him, is it? Asking you for your flat, cool as you like. Hes always been after a bargain, takes what he can get. Hardly your fault. Dont get yourself upset over him, alright? Her mum smiled and stroked her hand affectionately.
I know, Mum. But its not the first time hes brought it up! At first I thought Id misheard. I still cant believe people can be so shameless. Was he always like this? Even when you two were together?
Always, her mother said softly. You really dont know him, you met again so late. Funny thing is, I cant even work out why hes after your place now, after all these years. When we split, he raised hell about why he couldnt have half of Grans old house. Thought he deserved it, having lived there! Can you imagine? She laughed, eyes heavy despite the sound.
So maybe I ought to just cut him out for good? Sarah asked.
No, love. Dont stoop to it. Hes still your father. Familyof sorts.
Sort of family, Sarah replied with a sigh. Were not his family, not really.
Her mother lifted a shoulder with the wisdom of long experience. Life would show them what to do, eventually.
Sarah turned away, troubled. In his eyes, she was nothing. Three sons to fuss overa thousand stories of first steps, favourite books, scuffed knees. His latest pride and joy: the boys and his docile wife.
Best let it lie, Mum. Ill try to ignore it. If he pushes, Ill tell him straight: not happening. Better this than nothing. Some people have no father. At least he doesnt drink. Right?
Right, I suppose, her mum nodded, not quite convinced.
The next time she saw her father was a week later, at his own place with the rest of the family out at the doctors.
Right on time, love! he greeted her. Youve got to see thisfitted wardrobe, nearly the size of a boxroom! Room for all your stuff. And look at these cheerful wallpapers! And the kitchensmall, but nice. Well pop the chair-bed there for your mum, easy as pie. Fridge is a bit ancient, but youll replace it eventually. Ive got a store card, get you a discount
Dad, she interrupted, exhausted, why do you keep going on about this? I dont want your fridge, your wallpapers, or your discount card
Why not? Youve got to see what youre getting, love. Got to know whats in store for you, havent you? He looked at herbut she felt unseen.
Dad, Im sorry if I led you on but Im happy where I am. Im not coming here, she said softly, unsure.
He barely paused. Right, well have a look at the shower, then! Brand new. Polish loo, too.
She snapped. Are you deaf? I said Im not moving! I like my flat and Im not swapping. No deal!
He frowned, almost as if seeing her for the first time. No deal? Is it all about money, then? Why bother coming here at all? Youve let me down, Sarah. I was counting on you.
She turned away, her heart pounding with anger and relief, and walked out in silence.
Outside, wandering through the autumn streets, she wasnt sure if she ought to cry or laugh. She stopped, took out her phone, and deleted her fathers number and every trace of him from her contacts. Only then did she feel able to breathe again. So be it Perhaps that was the only possible decision left. If he wanted to speak to her again, he knew where to find her. But deep down, Sarah doubted he would. With no more advantage to be had, the exchange would never happen.
