“Emma, why on earth do you need such a big flat, love? You’re living on your own no husband, no kids, no one really, as far as I know. Why would you need two whole bedrooms? Meanwhile, there are five of us crammed together in one tiny place. Well, what do you say, love? We can always swap back later on, once the boys are older. How about it?” Her father peered at her, eyes glinting with a hint of desperation.
How did he expect her to respond? After years of hardly a word, her dad had reappeared out of nowhere, bringing with him this peculiar suggestion. It left Emma stunned. The sheer audacity of it she could hardly believe anyone could be so cheeky. And as for friends, of course Emma had friends, just as many as she wanted.
“Well, Em, what do you say? Deal?” Her father’s voice cut through her thoughts.
“And what about Mum?”
“Mum? What about her?” he asked, clearly confused.
“She comes to stay a couple of times a month. Sometimes for a week at a stretch. That’s why the second bedroom is important.”
“Oh, that’s easily sorted! I’ve got an old armchair bed gathering dust in the garage. We’ll clean it up, pop it in the kitchen. Sorted! It’s even closer to the fridge everything she needs right there. Bed and dining room all in one!” He chuckled at his own joke.
Emma simply looked at him, not even angry, just lost for words at his nerve. The way he called her “alone,” “on her own,” “spinster,” didn’t even touch her anymore. She was too surprised at how simple he could be. Did he truly believe he was the smartest in the room, and everyone else was a fool?
“Emma, think about it. It’s a cracking deal for you. I mean, your mum only comes twice a month. But I need the space for my family every single day. Feel the difference?”
Of course his family. Emma, clearly, was no longer part of it. An only daughter from his first marriage didn’t quite count. It was his three laddish sons and his house-proud wife who were the real family now. Emma sighed; she couldn’t even be bothered to argue. She just wondered how long it would take him to realise not everyone else was an idiot.
“Dad, I’ve only just finished paying off the mortgage. I worked for years for that flat… I can’t just give it away.”
“Oh, spare me the drama. Worked for it all, did you? You had a head start, remember? Or have you forgotten that?”
A head start? Now that was rich. If only he knew it was her mum who’d given her everything. But what was the point of saying it? He’d never listen.
“Dad… let me think about it,” she replied at last.
“Of course, love, take your time! Thinking never did anyone any harm.” He patted her on the shoulder.
***
“Emma, you should have told him to get lost! Swapping your flat what next, just hand it over and be done with it? Honestly, what cheek!” Her mother paced and fumed.
“Mum, how am I supposed to tell him off? He’s still my dad… Feels awkward, you know.” Emma blushed.
“Awkward, my foot! Its not awkward for him to ask for your flat as easily as he’d ask for a cup of tea. You need to accept that hes always been after the easy option. Hes been like that all his life, you just havent seen it. And dont you dare blame yourself, do you hear me?” Her mum gently stroked her arm.
“I’m not upset. It’s just, this isn’t the first time he’s tried this. At first, I thought I misheard him or didnt understand. I just couldnt believe anyone could be so bold… Has he always been this way? Even when you were together?”
“Always. You barely know him because you only met properly a few years back. I honestly dont know why hes suddenly so bothered, after all these years. I never stopped you two from meeting, but he never put in any effort. Funny, when we divorced, he got cross that my mums flat wasn’t split. He’d only lived there a bit! Can you imagine?” She chuckled, though her eyes stayed serious.
“So maybe I should just stop seeing him then, Mum? What do you think?”
“No need, love. Dont stoop to that. Hes still your father. Familys family, even if it doesnt always feel like it…”
“Yeah Family. He doesnt see us that way, though.” Emma sighed.
Her mum shrugged, knowing all too well that was the truth. But what could you do? Life would show the way…
Emma shrugged too and turned away. Quite something, really he had a family now, one he spoke about endlessly: three sons, every scraped knee and first lost tooth a tale worth repeating, every meal or bedtime story a triumph. That was his world now. And his new wife, the ever-doting mother.
“Alright, Mum. Ill try not to let it get to me. If he pushes me, Ill say no, straight out Better to have some sort of relationship than none at all. Some people never even knew their fathers. And after all, he doesnt drink, does he?”
“Guess not,” her mum said, though not very confidently.
Her next meeting with her father was a week later, at his place, while the rest of his family were at the doctors.
“Emma, perfect timing! Look at this built-in wardrobe massive, isnt it? All your bits and bobs would fit. And the wallpaper, so bright, dont you think?” he said, showing her round.
“Dad…”
“And the kitchen! Its small, but cosy. That old armchair of mine will go in here for your mum, see? The fridges ancient, but youll replace it soon, I expect. Ive got a discount card for Currys, by the way…”
“Dad! Why do we keep going round in circles? I dont want your fridge or your wallpaper or your card.” She felt herself deflate.
“But you havent seen everything yet. You need to know what youd be moving into, dont you?” His eyes seemed to look right through her.
“Dad, Im sorry if I gave you false hope but I wont be moving here. Im happy in my own flat,” she said quietly.
“Alright, alright. But just look at this shower! I had it put in last month. Brand new. And the loo its Polish, top quality!” He continued, oblivious.
“Are you deaf? I said Im not moving! I love my flat, and I’m not changing a thing! There will be no swap!” Emmas voice rose in anger, at him, at herself, at being in this awkward position because of him.
“No swap then? Are you really that mean? Whyd you bother coming here, then? Why visit at all? Its not right. I had hopes, Emma. You let me down…” He looked at her blankly as if she were a stranger. Emma lowered her head and left the flat in silence.
Wandering through the autumn streets, Emma wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. She stopped, pulled out her phone, and deleted her fathers number and every trace of contact. Only then did she breathe freely. Yes, maybe this was the only sensible choice. If her father truly wanted to reach her, he could call, write, knock at the door. But deep down, Emma doubted he ever would. There was nothing left he could take from her; the swap had fallen through in the end.
Sometimes, letting go is the only way to find peace, especially when someone values your things over your feelings. Only by setting boundaries do we learn to respect ourselves.
