The lads at the factory never missed a chance to poke fun at Samuels last name. The women joined in as well, especially when they heard it for the first time.
This time was no exceptionearly one morning, a new security guard showed up at the main gate: a woman in her early forties. As she checked Samuels pass, she squinted at his surname, and a grin spread across her face.
Oh my goodness! Tiddlesworth! Is that honestly a real surname?
You can see it for yourself, Samuel replied, dropping the formalities since the guard looked younger than she actually was. And yes, it most certainly is.
I say! How on earth did someone in your family come by a name like Tiddlesworth? she pressed on, eyebrows raised.
Samuel had heard this line of questioning a hundred times and had come up with his own routine response.
Legend has it that one of my great-great-grannies had an unfortunate run-in with the family cat. Mischief ensued, and generations later, here we all areTiddlesworths.
Instead of laughing, the womans face went so grave that Samuel snorted with laughter.
Youre serious? she whispered nervously.
Deadly, he continued, tongue firmly in cheek. Because of my ancestors unconventional behaviour, everyone in the Tiddlesworth clan now has special powers. So youd better stay on my good side, love. After all, if you cross me, Ill visit you at night, dressed as a proper cat ghost, and keep you up all hours.
The security guard eyed him with obvious suspicion and replied sternly, Dont you try and frighten me! I know where to find someone who can deal with meddling cat-ghosts. Move alongstop holding everyone up.
That evening, as Samuel was leaving after his shift, the same guard was on duty again. When she saw him, she immediately looked put out.
Oi, why the long face, lovely? he asked cheerfully.
Im not your lovely, Im Edith Margaret! she barked. Now stop gawping and get a move on.
Well, splendid! Samuel thought, marching out. I seem to have made myself an enemy. Clearly, shes not one for jokes
The next morning, Edith was missing from the gate, but during the lunch break she turned up in the factory canteen, sat herself down at his table as he was demolishing his mash and sausage, and hissed in a conspiratorial tone, Come on, fess up, Tiddlesworth! Was that your doing last night?
Samuel nearly choked on his peas. Im sorry, Edith Margaret What on earth are you talking about? What do you mean, my doing?
Dont play innocent, Tiddlesworth! she snapped, glaring daggers at him. You warned me, remember?
Warned you about what?
That I shouldnt fall out with you.
And?
You said you might appear in my bedroom at night, dressed as a cat ghost! Didnt you?
Come on, now! I was only pulling your leg yesterday!
Oh, sure! she barrelled on. So tell me, who else grabbed my foot last night?
Grabbed yourwhat?
Thats right! Id barely nodded off at midnight when I felt my duvet slide away, and out of nowheresomeone softly nipped my foot! Thought Id die of fright.
Look here, Edith Margaret, youre not saying I climbed through your window and grabbed your foot?
Ive no idea how you got inwindow, attic, postboxbut that was your hand, Im sure of it!
Mine? Perhaps it was your husband with a weird sense of humour?
Dont be ridiculous! Ive been divorced for five years! There was no one elseso it had to be you!
And why on earth would you assume that?
Because youre a Tiddlesworth! Your granny you said it yourself, she had that thing with the cat! You told me so!
I tell everyone that story as a joke! Everyone else laughs, and you
Well, now youve gone and joked yourself into a right mess. She gave him a look that would melt a lamppost. I didnt get a wink of sleep because of you. No sooner did I drift off than there were shadows scuttling about everywhere. The nerves!
You were imagining things, he tried to reassure her. Promise you, it wasnt me.
But Edith shook her head so dramatically her hair nearly went flying. No, Tiddlesworth, you wont wriggle out that easily. You made the messyou can mop it up.
Mop what up? What on earth do you mean?
I asked around, and turns out youre not married.
And?
Which means youll be staying at mine tonight. No one to nag you for it, right?
I beg your pardon? What exactly are you suggesting?
I want you there to chase away all your relatives!
What relatives?
Your feline ancestorsTiddlesworths! I cant sleep a wink in the dark now, and if I leave the light on, Im wide awake. Youve got to help me out.
Samuel nodded nervously, realising there was no point arguing with a woman like that. When do you want me to come?
Right after your shift. Well walk home together, just so you dont try and dodge out. Ill feed you, tuck you up, and then come nine oclock, youll keep watch beside me all night.
Suffice it to say, after that night, Samuel never budged far from Edith Margaret again. She turned out to be a lovely womannervy, yes, and scared of her own shadow, but kind and, oddly enough, affectionate. And really, what more does a man look for? A bit of warmth and understanding is all he needs. The rest is just details.
