So Thats His Mother
What overdue payment? You must be mistaken, we dont have any loans Yes, the names Yates, yes, thats our address, but… How much? That cant be right. Who took out the loan? Rebecca said, growing more confused with every answer.
Its in the name of Ian Andrew Yates, came the reply.
Thats my husband, but how could he? And why? Rebecca was completely floored.
Im sorry, the voice on the other end softened, But the rules are the same for everyone: the payments late, so todays a reminder, then therell be further action.
Rebecca didnt remember walking into the lounge, nor how she found herself sat at the computer. The shock was overwhelming. No, she had to figure out for herself where this debt had come from.
Shed never seen a credit card in Ians wallet, so the money clearly wasnt borrowed for the family. What on earth was going on? Work was forgotten as her thoughts churned relentlessly over that strange phone conversation. She could barely wait until Ian came home that evening.
Who was the money for? Who asked you to take out a loan?!
Didnt even get a chance, they rang already, Ian grumbled, annoyed, and then realising hed slipped up, snapped at her, Why are you looking at me like that? It was Mum, alright? She needed my help, she lives alone
And why on earth does she need that amount? We manage on a lot less, even though we both work.
It was for a holiday, ok?
And wheres she off to then, Dubai or the Maldives?
My mum raised me on her own, shes entitled. Didnt expect this from you…
He stomped off into the living room and threw himself into the armchair, sulking at the wall. It was his usual way of putting pressure on me, but this time the upset child act didnt do the trick.
I didnt even bother to respond. My mother-in-law, Patricia, had always been far too involved in our marriage. She was fond of demanding things. From the very first time we met, I realised what she was like. Shed barely sat down when she noticed my earrings and immediately askedwere the stones real or just some cheap trinkets?
When I explained I didn’t wear fakes, she sighed loudly:
Why waste money on things like that? Better to get something useful for the house
It was a gift, I replied, shocked at her tone.
Ah, well, thats alright then, she calmed instantly.
A week later, Ian nervously asked me not to wear those earrings when we visited his mum she was apparently terribly upset not to have something similar, and he couldn’t afford to buy her a pair.
Even then, it seemed odd, but I was young and in love, so I ignored the warning bells. Soon enough, we were married. Patricia looked a picture at the wedding: stunning new dress, a generous gift. It was only later I learned Ian had paid for it all; apparently, she had threatened not to attend the wedding otherwise.
Then it started: she needed a new television, because her friend had got one. A hairdryer, just like her sisters. Payments for beauty salons, spa treatments and all needed immediately, without question. If not, shed burst into tears, moan about her health until Ian gave in. He couldnt bear the sight of his mother crying, and would rush to fulfil her every whim:
But its Mum… I couldnt possibly say no!
The trouble was, Ian now had a family of his own. Yet somehow, despite both of us earning well, we constantly struggled with the basics. Every time I asked why, Ian would shrug his shoulders
Maybe, Rebecca, you just dont know how to manage a household budget. You could learn from my mum…
No, thanks. From day one, we never really got on. I knew Patricias sort too well: overbearing, entitled, sure the world owed her for her sacrifices. I preferred to keep my distance.
But this was the last straw. The amount Ian had borrowed for his mother’s luxury holiday was enough for three mortgage payments, a new set of furniture, and all the appliances we needed with change to spare for a celebration in the best restaurant in town.
Clearly, Ian wasnt going to change. It would always be Mum first. Maybe I could have accepted it she was his mother, after all. But to do it behind my back, with no word about a loan! What if something had happened? The debt wouldve been mine alone. Patricia, once again, would wash her hands of it.
It was time for a clear conversation. Ian needed to choose, or at least have the nerve to tell his mother her demands were unreasonable. But the conversation never really happened: Ian just flew off the handle, accusing me of being cold and materialistic.
Ive paid off the loan, Ill pay the rest, just drop it! How many times, Rebecca? Yes, Mum refuses cheap package deals, she wants first class and shes right! She gave me everything! So now I cant give her a proper holiday?
But we cant afford all her whims! Dont you think its time to tell her that?
Ill tell you what: Mum is a saintly woman…
I understood then, once and for all, that nothing in our life was going to change. I knew too that Patricia was intensely jealous of her sons attention. Every day shed ring Ian, begging him to visit because she missed him, and off hed race across town. If Mum wants something, Mum gets it.
After our argument, Ian and I went off to work, silent and unresolved. By lunch that day, I began feeling very unwell.
After seeing the state I was in, my colleagues insisted I see a doctor. There, I found out I was pregnant. How could I not share such news with the father? Maybe now, I thought, wed finally have a reason to look at our budget together.
But it was not to be. Ian was aghast, saying he hadnt planned for a baby, begging me to wait, insisting we end the pregnancy. Then Patricia started calling, and unlike her son, she didnt beg she demanded:
Im not ready to be a granny! What are you up to, trying to trap Ian with a child? It wont work, you wont keep him…
Wheres he going? What are you on about?
Oh please, Im his mother, I know him. Hes been looking for an excuse to leave someone like you for ages. Do as he says otherwise youll never see a penny in child support.
Everything swam before my eyes. I woke up in hospital.
Rebecca, youre awake at last, I heard a familiar voice. I opened my eyes to see Mrs. Bryant, the nurse and neighbour of my mother-in-law.
Oh, Mrs. Bryant, I managed, I didnt know you worked here
And well, better not to know really, she joked. They thought youd have to choose: you or the baby.
What?!
Calm down, youre fine. But tell me, what the devil happened to you?
After Id spilled the whole sorry tale, she frowned and offered me some advice:
Leave that family, love. Youll never change Ian, and his mother will torment every woman in his life. She thinks he owes her the world. Patricia hounded her husband to death, always demanding, demanding, and he just worked himself into an early grave. Ians a carbon copy, only ever under his mothers thumb.
But he married me
Im amazed he managed that, honestly. You wouldnt believe how many girlfriends ran for the hills after just one visit to Patricia! Anyway, love, its your call. What does Ian say about becoming a dad?
When I told her, Mrs. Bryant muttered a curse under her breath for Ian, mummys boy to the end. Oddly, as if by magic, I found the strength and made my decision. I could manage on my own. Ian had already chosen whether he knew it or not.
I filed for divorce as soon as I was well enough for work. Ian made no effort to fight for our marriage. I never bothered to tell him that, by a miracle, Id managed to keep my pregnancy.
A year has passed since I found my freedom. Today, I was walking serenely through the park with my daughter.
Well, fancy seeing you here, I heard a voice I hadnt quite forgotten, Why do you keep me from seeing my granddaughter?
Because she isnt your granddaughter, I replied calmly. The child… The one you pressured me over… she never came into the world. This here is my daughter, mine alone. Oh, and she already has a grandmother, thank you.
How dare you
Oh, I dare. If you so badly want the title grandmother, why not help your son find someone more suitable?
I walked away smiling, not bothering to listen to the angry retorts tumbling after me. I knew then leaving a husband who couldnt cut the apron strings, and a mother-in-law whod lost her sense of proportion, was the best thing Id ever done.
Sometimes, you just have to choose yourself. Thats the lesson life taught me and Ill never forget it.
