I am worried about Oliver, my husband’s brother. He is 37 years old but financially dependent on his parents. The parents are no longer young, so they live on two pensions. However, Oliver is still healthy enough to work, earn money, and provide for his parents.
My husband often gives money to his brother because he loves him very much. Oliver is older than him. When they both studied at school, his brother helped my husband understand his lessons and protected him against bullies. Their parents worked and could not give their children enough attention.
In some situations, he returns to us with another request to borrow money. However, this borrowing seems very conditional since Oliver did not return any borrowed money. And my husband Max does not ask for anything back either. He says his brother is struggling.
We have been married for a long time. That is, we have three children. In addition, we do not have much extra money to give anybody who asks for it. We live paycheck to paycheck because our children need food, clothes, and toys, for us to pay for an apartment. We also have a house outside the city that is being built. Despite his excellent job, my husband and his brother cannot support their family and home on his salary alone. Oliver has no interest in working, no matter how much his family talks to him about it. He is the kind of person who likes computer games, which occupy all of his time.
Occasionally, Oliver comes to us and says he was planning to make money on the Internet. He says he would level up in games, but I do not see his success in the online business.
The parents of Max’s son, Oliver, are elderly, and their pensions are insufficient for two people to survive, yet they continue to give their son money. I explained to the parents that he would be forced to work if they did not provide him with money. This is because he would not have anything to buy. However, they refused to listen, saying it was their son and they could not do that to him.
Initially, I tried to talk to my husband about influencing my brother, but he ignored my words. We heatedly argued when I asked him to quit giving money since it only made Oliver more miserable. Therefore, I stopped hoping that these loans to Oliver would stop.
One day, when my daughter and I entered Best Buy to buy Max a camera I was setting up as a present for him, I saw Oliver. He was standing in line at the cash register with a giant computer monitor and a basket full of things. I was outraged because Oliver had come to us a few days earlier asking for food money.
I didn’t speak to my husband about it, but when Oliver came for more money, I put him in front of me. I told him it was ridiculous to accept money from relatives and not work when he is a senior citizen. Max stopped talking to me during that conversation, explaining it wasn’t my business, and he didn’t want me getting in the way. Then he accused me of being racist and a bunch of other things.
The word racism doesn’t exist in my heart. I am a hardworking person who cannot bear it when someone deceives their relatives and asks for money when they don’t wish to work for it.
I don’t know what to do because it doesn’t feel right that everyone around cares so much about a person who doesn’t want to work at all and only lives at the expense of others. And I am equally offended by the fact that my husband favors his brother over our family.