My husband’s been living with his “sick” mum for six months now and has no intention of coming home. He keeps saying I don’t understand him, that I’m not being supportive.
Six months! He moved in with her, and she’s always pretending to feel poorly. Before this, the longest he stayed was three weeks—but this? It’s ridiculous. And now he’s making out like I’m the one being unreasonable, like I should somehow help.
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How am I supposed to help a mother-in-law who’s faking it just to wreck our marriage? She’s got him wrapped around her finger by playing the helpless old lady. I’ve lived with her before—no thank you, never again.
She took it really hard when James and I got engaged. Didn’t even bother hiding that she hated the idea. She never outright argued because she wanted to seem like the perfect mum, but she’d always pick at me, find fault in everything.
I didn’t let it get to me—didn’t have to, really, since we didn’t see her often. We had our own flat in Manchester, where we moved in together. That bothered her too. Hard to control your son’s life when he’s not under your roof, and even harder when his wife doesn’t care about pleasing you.
But his mum came up with a plan. Not exactly original, mind you. She decided to act like she was seriously ill and needed constant care.
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James, who’d never dealt with this kind of manipulation before, fell for it completely. Suddenly, he was always at her place. The “poor old dear” had so many symptoms, she could’ve been a medical case study.
High blood pressure one minute, low the next. Chest pains, backaches, creaky knees, fainting spells. Took me a while to catch on—I thought maybe it was just stress at first. Her precious boy had moved in with another woman, after all.
The first time she “got really ill,” James stayed with her for a week. I even packed a bag and went over to help, thinking it was serious. She played the part perfectly at first.
But after two days, I noticed something odd. All her symptoms magically disappeared when James left the house. She’d be fine, chatting away, until he walked back in—then suddenly, she was back to clutching her chest or limping around.
I told James about it, but he didn’t believe me. Can’t blame him—she’s good at it. But I wasn’t buying it. Packed my things and went home.
James came back a few days later, saying she’d “recovered.” Turns out, my leaving was exactly what she wanted. But a few weeks later? Back to the same act.
Drove me mad. Every time she “relapsed,” James would move back in with her indefinitely. Funny how she’d suddenly feel better the second I suggested calling a doctor. Healthy people don’t get that sick that often—there’s got to be a reason.
And sure enough, the minute she thought a doctor might show up, she’d perk right up. James, once he was convinced his beloved mum was fine again, would finally come home.
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This has been going on for six months now. At first, there was a real reason—she had knee surgery after a fall two years ago. The doctor said she needed it to avoid problems later.
James stayed with her while she recovered, which made sense. She was supposed to rest for a week. I didn’t mind—she actually needed help then.
But a week turned into a month, and he still wasn’t back. Suddenly, she was “not healing properly.” Could walk just fine but kept telling James she’d nearly collapsed when he wasn’t there.
Six months. Six months of this. He believes every word, even though the doctors say there’s nothing wrong. The surgery went fine, she can walk without crutches—just can’t run. But what do doctors know, right?
I finally gave him an ultimatum: come back for good, or I’d file for divorce. Now he’s saying I don’t love him, that I don’t get it. “It’s not like I’m off with another woman—I’m helping my mum!”
All my friends keep asking why I’m still putting up with it. They say it’s obvious—we should just split. And… I think I’m finally seeing it too. Even though I kept hoping he’d snap out of it, maybe it’s time to admit he won’t.
