15May2025 Diary
Im sixteen and Ive just discovered Im pregnant with Tom Baker, the boy Ive been seeing for a year at my secondary school in Manchester. Tom is in my class and were both head over heels for each other, but the news of the baby sends a wave of terror through us. We keep it secret, hoping our parents wont find out. When they finally do, the anger that erupts is like a storm.
Our family has always been held up as the picture of respectability. Im the only daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and Ive always done well at school. Tom and I are still minors, so the decision about the pregnancy is left to our parents.
Both of us are bright students, and my parents have dreamt of us earning places at a good university, graduating, and building solid careers. A baby feels like a wrecking ball to those plans.
My mother, convinced that an abortion is the only way to keep our future intact, forces me to have the procedure while its still legal. The operation goes smoothly and, once its over, we slip back into our routine. Tom and I continue to meet, finish our Alevels, head off to university, and, a year later, we get married with my parents blessing. Life finally feels settled, and then, against all odds, I find out Im pregnant again. The joy is overwhelming.
In the sixth month, however, I start bleeding heavily. My son is born tinyjust one and a half kilogramsand three hours after his first breath he passes away. The doctors cant stop the bleeding; they have to remove my uterus to save my life. Im left with the permanent knowledge that I will never bear children again.
My mother visits me in the hospital, eyes brimming with remorse. She tells me she regrets ever pushing me into the abortion years ago, but her words cant stitch the hole in my heart. The past cannot be undone, and the mistakes of those years linger like a shadow.
Now I face a future where motherhood is forever out of reach. I dont know if Tom and I can keep our marriage together, let alone find happiness without the children we once imagined. In the end, the loss feels like a part of a normal family that has been ripped away, and Im left to wonder how to live with that emptiness.
