June 12, 2025 Diary
Ive been wondering whether I should ever chase after Emily again. She once told me, Do you think Ill be running after you? I replied, Ive got a whole lot of people like you, just a few pennies worth. She snapped back, Then buy your own little bundle and leave me alone. And I thought, Who do you even need?
Theres an old saying: What a sober mind has, the drunken one has in practice. If Emily had grown up in a rough council estate and lived in a house that constantly smelled of stale lager, she would have twisted that into something like, What a sober mind thinks, a drunk actually does. After a couple of pints folk dont just blurt out whats on their mind they often act in ways they never would while sober.
Take Emilys father, Arthur. He never kept secrets from his family, never raised his voice, and drank as quietly as a Sunday morning. Even when he was halflit, he managed to tidy up after himself. When he disappeared for a week, the whole household knew hed gone to the country cottage with a crate of whisky, living on a cycle of wake pour sleep. He would come back as if nothing had happened and life would settle back into its usual rhythm.
The neighbour down the road, Mrs. Clarke, had a husband who prowled the hallway like a stormclouded bulldog, frightening anyone who crossed his path. She would often sit at Emilys flat with her two kids, lamenting how lucky she was that her own husband was quiet and calm. Emily knew that before Arthur, her mother had been seeing another man, but shed dumped him because he turned into a beast when he had a few drinks.
Emily was always told: if a bloke gets sloppy when hes had a few, its not something to tolerate. Either you cut him off without a second thought, or you keep him under a strict leash. She never gave anyone a second chance. That hardened reputation surrounded her she was the woman who could not abide any drunken nonsense.
Even though Emily would occasionally join a couple of friends for a celebratory glass of wine, gossipers would roll their eyes and say, Dont drink near her its a rule. Thats why her third boyfriend, Neil, swore off alcohol entirely. On the surface it was great; Emily, having watched drunkenness ruin many childhood friendships, felt relieved. But she still wondered whether any future lover might slip up.
The night it all began was at a little pub in Manchester after wed all passed our finals. Emily was finishing her last year, Neil had graduated a year earlier and had a wide circle among her classmates, so he slipped into the group effortlessly. Where there are students, theres always cheap lager, a few crisps, and the inevitable lets play a game of Truth or Dare.
Someone coaxed Emily onto the karaoke stage, insisting shed always refused to sing. Ive looked after you, worried about you, you never want to grab the mic, even on Halloween, she thought, rolling her eyes. Still, she took the microphone, managed a single verse before the challenger snatched it away. You asked for it, youll have to swallow it, he laughed.
Later, a friend tried to pass notes about homework; the room buzzed with halfhearted dancing and chatter until the night took a turn. James, who was still as clearheaded as a glass of water, was dared by Marina a girl who fancied him to kiss Mary, another student. James smiled, stepped forward and planted a lingering kiss on Marys lips, pressing his mouth there for what felt like an eternity.
Emily watched, stunned, as the two teenagers melted into each other. In a flash, a bottle of sugary soda crashed onto the kissing pair, fizz spilling everywhere. Emily shouted a curse, bolted out of the room, and stumbled onto the street, gulping the cold night air. She felt tears prickle at the back of her eyes, like a child whose toy had just been snatched away.
Emily! Wait! James shouted as a taxi screeched to a halt beside her. He helped her into the back seat, and she gave him the address of her parents house, clutching her bag, her phone, and her cards like a lifeline.
My mother, seeing Emilys pale face, didnt pry. She poured a mug of hot tea, sat beside her, and said, Everything will settle. The flour will be sifted, and the dough will rise. She had said that a hundred times, and Emily imagined a lifetimes worth of flour could have been ground by now.
Im going back home, Emily said. Ill collect my things from his flat tomorrow and move out. Is that alright?
My dear, you never needed permission, my mother replied. Your room is always ready, the furniture still there, and no one will try to rewrite the rules for you.
Perhaps if my mother had shoved me out with a sharp Grow up and live on your own, I might have returned to Neil and tried to forget the nights chaos. Instead, I felt backed by solid support and refused to swallow such behaviour again.
When Emily finally opened the front door, Neil leaned in and asked, Where have you been all night?
Thats none of your business, she snapped. She marched to the bedroom, methodically gathered her belongings into a sturdy canvas bag, and thought about calling a taxi to disappear from the scene like a bad dream.
Are you trying to run away from me? Neil hissed. You just kissed my classmate in front of me. Why would I stay with a cheat?
Youre seeing things through a fog, she retorted. It was just a kiss a task given to me. If youd asked me to sit on someones lap or dance halfnaked, would that be okay?
Dont compare, he replied. I didnt get such an order. I just did what was asked.
She reminded him, Dont overreact. Youve built this whole story in your head, now youre trying to tear it down.
You think Ill chase after you? she said. I have a whole lot of people like you, just a few pennies worth.
Then buy your own tiny bundle and leave me alone, he muttered.
Who do you think you are to me?
As it turned out, Emily found a new partner six months later, a sensible man who actually kept his promise not to drink. Luck, it seems, favored her on the fourth try.
James, the old friend, still runs into Emily on the high street now and then, trying to convince her that she imagined the whole thing, that the breakup was her own making, and that shell suffer for it. Hes a good soul, always ready to forgive, but its Emily who finally let go.
The lesson Ive drawn from watching all this unfold is simple: when you let someones drunken folly define your life, you give them power over your peace. Its better to set the bar low for those who cant keep it, and higher for yourself. In the end, you protect the only thing that truly belongs to you your own dignity.
