The shock was overwhelming: he found out I was pregnant and left me like a coward!
My name is Daisy Smith, I’m 20 years old, and I live in Oakley, where Oxfordshire hides its grey days under the shadow of forests and reservoirs. I hesitated for a long time about whether to share my story with you, but after reading the confessions of other girls, I decided to open up about my pain. My story is a wound that won’t heal, a shadow that haunts me, poisoning every day of my youth.
It all started when I was 15. I fell in love with a boy named Ethan — he was so handsome, he seemed like a dream come true. His eyes, his smile — all the girls at school secretly swooned over him. I couldn’t believe my luck when a friend whispered to me that he wanted to meet. “Are you serious?” I asked, my heart racing like a bird in a cage. I agreed without hesitation. At our first meeting, he gave me a red rose — I still keep it, pressed between the pages of an old book. That evening was like a fairy tale: his voice, his warmth — I was lost in it, unaware of the fall ahead.
I gave myself to him — and that became my tragic mistake. Soon, I discovered I was pregnant. My world collapsed. When my parents found out, they looked at me as if I were a stranger: my father was silent, fists clenched, and my mother cried as if I had died. I was terrified, trapped with no way out. And Ethan, my charming prince, abandoned me like a coward. When he heard about the baby, he went pale, muttered something incoherent, and disappeared — vanished as if he never existed. I was left alone with this fear, this shame, this burden that crushed my youth.
At home, silence fell — more terrifying than shouting. My parents turned away, their resentment stifling, and I had nowhere to run. Eventually, with my mother’s agreement, I had an abortion. It was hell: pain, tears, emptiness. Afterwards, I withdrew into myself as if inside a tomb. The shock was so intense that I couldn’t meet boys’ eyes for years. Since then, I’ve had no dates, no trace of feelings. Love became poison to me, and the thought of intimacy a nightmare that wakes me in a cold sweat. I’m afraid of getting pregnant again, afraid that if it happens, I’ll have no choice but to give birth, and this fear has frozen me solid.
I’ve lost myself. My soul is like a broken violin, playing only sorrowful tunes that echo my melancholy. I live in solitude, in perpetual sadness, where there’s no room for joy. The sun has set for me, smiles have become foreign, and my shadow is like a ghost, trailing every step. I’ve forgotten how to speak to boys, how to look them in the eye without trembling. My voice shakes when someone talks to me, and my heart clenches in terror. I’ve become an ice statue — cold, fragile, incapable of feeling warmth.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself. Where is the girl who laughed, who dreamed, who believed in love? Ethan stole her, trampled her, leaving me only with pain and fear. I walk the streets of Oakley, see couples in love, and inside I scream: why not me? Why is my life shrouded in darkness? I want to love, I want to live, but every time I think about it, his face appears — handsome, deceitful, cowardly. He left me in the darkest moment, and this shock still reverberates in my chest.
I don’t know how to escape this hell. Fear has chained me: afraid to trust, afraid to open up again, afraid to relive that nightmare. My youth should be filled with light, yet I’m drowning in despair. Friends invite me out, but I hide away at home, in my room, where only the walls know my pain. My parents have long forgiven, but I can’t forgive myself — for being naive, for being weak, for believing him. My rose in the book is a reminder of the day I lost everything.
I beg you, tell me, how do I go on? How do I melt this ice that has seized my heart? I want to break free from the past, but it holds me tight. I’m only 20, yet feel like an old woman whose life ended before it began. Ethan is gone, but he left me this burden — fear, loneliness, emptiness. How do I find the strength to trust in love again, in people, in myself? I’m tired of crying into my pillow, tired of being afraid. I want sunshine in my soul, but I don’t know where to find it. Please help me, I’m drowning in this darkness and can’t see the light.
