Just Keep Going
Emily, a spirited little girl with twin pigtails jutting out at odd angles, raced across the wide, sunlit veranda of a country cottage in the Kent countryside. Her eyes were brilliant with excitement, cheeks flushed pink from a full afternoon of laughter and games. Spying her older brothers friend strolling leisurely towards the gate, she stopped mid-run, panting, and darted after him.
Without a hint of hesitation, Emily sprang beside him and tightly gripped his hand with her small, warm fingers. Tilting her head back, she looked up at him with pure, unfiltered innocence, then erupted in a peal of bright, ringing laughter.
Im never letting you go! she called out, her voice brimming with certainty. When Im grown up, Im going to marry you! Promise youll wait for me?
The young man pausedbrows shooting up in surprisebefore his face softened into a gentle, amused smile. He gazed at this tiny whirlwind of energy with tender fondness and just a touch of bewilderment. Slowly, in a tone laced with playful warmth, he replied, Then Ill wait.
With those words, he carefully mussed her already wild hair, making the pigtails fluff out even more. Emily squinted for a moment, but her grin widened, and she held onto his hand fiercely.
But until then, he added, squatting so their eyes met on level ground, promise youll study hard and listen to your parents. That way youll be worthy of being my fiancée someday.
His voice wasnt strict, just gently teasingthe way grown-ups sometimes sound when theyre more friend than authority. Emily seemed to ponder his words for a heartbeat, truly weighing them as only an earnest child can. Then she bobbed her head with energetic resolve, clutching his hand tighter.
Deal! she shouted. Ill be the very best, youll see!
The whole world seemed to hum with a boundless summer ease, draped in sunlight, laughter, and dreams so vivid that for one perfect moment, anything felt possible.
************************
Emily sat in her bedroom, absently flipping through her maths textbook. Dusk was creeping in through the window, painting the house with quiet shadows. Everything felt oddly hushedjust the dim sound of voices from the next room disturbed the silence. She caught herself listening: her brother Adam was on the phone, his tone warmer and livelier than usual.
She edged closer to the door, straining for clarity. When she heard the name Tom, her heart gave a painful leap. Frozen, she clung to every word. Adam was chatting about a meeting up, a café, her lovely smilethere was no doubt. Tom had a new girlfriend.
Barely aware of the movement, Emily sprang up and padded, almost on tiptoe, to her brothers door. She pressed her ear against the cool wood, drinking in the conversation with growing dread. Something ached sharply in her chest, but she forced herself to hope, desperately: Maybe Im wrong. Maybe its not how it sounds…
When Adam ended the call and stepped out, Emily jerked upright as if caught snooping. But it was too latehed already seen her.
Toms got a new girlfriend, hasnt he? she blurted before he could scold her. Her voice trembled, but she worked hard to sound casual.
Adam paused, scanning her face with a mix of resignation and sympathy. Hed noticed the way his sister always brightened at Toms name, how she lingered over his pictures on Facebook.
Still at it? he sighed, leaning against the doorframe. Emily, youre sixteen. Its time to let this childish crush go.
Emily whipped her head up, her eyes blazing stubbornly. Crossing her arms, she stood firm and unyielding.
Never! she replied, shaking her head so her golden hair bounced around her face. You dont get it! Hell love me, youll see! This isnt just a silly schoolgirl crushits real.
There was a challenge in her words, a strength she was only half sure of herself. She thought of Toms quick glances, those rare, secret smiles just for her, the light touch of his hand on her shoulder. Each memory was a tiny, precious hope.
Adam stared at her, wordless. He saw the fire in her eyes, the trembling of her mouth. He knewno logic could reach her right now. Somewhere along the way, this had grown into something far deeper than innocent infatuation.
**************************
A shaft of sun slipped past the curtains, washing the room in a flood of golden light. Emily practically floated into the lounge, carried aloft by a thrilling gust of emotion. Her face blazed with happiness, outshining even the morning sun; her eyes sparkled, and her grin was so wide it made her cheeks ache.
She hardly paused for breath as she bounded to Adam, who was sipping coffee and reading the news on his tablet.
He’s asked me out! she announced, barely able to keep her excitement in check. Her voice rang out with the lilt of a bell, her hands knotting into fists as giddiness overwhelmed her. He gave me a birthday gifta jewellery box with my initials engraved on itand he said, now Im eighteen, at last he can tell me. Tom loves me!
She was nearly hopping in place, running a hand through her hair every few moments, as if to make sure it looked just right. Her joy was so pure, it seemed to charge the whole room.
Adam set down his cup, his expression melting into an honest, heartfelt smile. He had waited for thisnot just for Emily, but for his closest friend. In the last six months, Tom had dropped countless hints: asking after Emilys weekends, her favourite flowers, daydreaming about group trips to the seaside.
Shes so beautiful, Tom would say dreamily, staring out the window. And clever, and so kind… I cant wait until shes eighteen. Its not weird, is it, if were together?
Adam always gave the same answer: If shes happy, I am, too. He knew Tom: steady, trustworthy, someone whod always kept his word. Now, looking at his beaming sister, there was no doubtshe couldnt have found a better man.
Well, congratulations then, Adam said, standing up to envelope her in a hug. Im really happy for both of you.
Emily buried her face in her brothers jumper, unable to believe it was real. In that moment, the whole world felt brighter, kinder, filled with promise. Somewhere nearby, the familys ginger cat purred contentedly on the windowsill, as if lending his approval to the joy swirling around them.
************************
She sat on an unforgiving plastic chair in a cramped hospital hallway, surrounded by walls painted a lifeless beige. The window let in thin, cheerless lightas if the very sky mourned. Emily stared straight ahead, her eyes empty, as if fixated on something vast and unreachable, not the faded linoleum and the parade of hurried doctors.
Her hands lay limp in her lap. Her clothes felt crumpled, unfamiliar; her hair, usually tied up with care, now tumbled messily about her shoulders. She looked like a doll that had been droppeda shell, all warmth and sparkle vacated. Again and again, the last night replayed in her mind: she and Tom, heads bent over wedding sketches, bantering over ribbon colours for tulle drapes. He laughed, promised everything would be perfect. Today, Tom was gone.
It happened so fastso brutally senseless. A careless driver had lost control of his car, turning three vehicles into mangled wrecks. No survivors. Not Tom, not the other two, not even the driver. It took just one heartbeat for everything to shattera future splintered, never to reflect back their imagined life.
The hush of the corridor split at last with soft footsteps. Adam rounded the corner, face pale, eyes red and swollen from tears never fully cried. He knelt and gently wrapped his arms around his sisters shoulders, his hands trembling though he strove to be strongfor her.
Em? he whispered, his voice low and fragile, as if any louder might fracture her. Talk to me. Please.
Emily turned her headher eyes were dry but filled with a grief so deep Adams chest tightened. She seemed to peer through him, into a void he could not reach.
About what? she replied. Her voice sounded hollow, as if pushed out by memory rather than hope.
Adam swallowed, at a loss for gentle words.
Anything, he said, squeezing her shoulders as if trying to anchor her to the world. Tell me how it feels. Cry if you need to. Dont bottle it up!
Emily shook her head mutely. Her mouth quivered, but no tears escaped, no sound emerged. She stared at her hands, willing them to tremble, her body refusing to give any outward sign of the storm inside.
I cant, she said finally, shoulders sagging in strange, detached calm. Theres just nothing left. And I dont want to keep going.
Her confession hung heavy in the muted air, a storm cloud settled in the hallway. Adam closed his eyes, fighting back his own howl of despair. Now, more than ever, he had to be her anchor, even as he felt himself adrift.
After that, Emily drifted even further away from the world. She was silent, face set, motionless; even the doctors couldnt draw her out. She sat gazing at a fixed point, as if the world had simply stopped existing beyond her grief.
A nurse, seeing her condition, decided on a dose of sedativea gentle prick in her arm. Sluggishness crept in; her body grew heavy, her thoughts blurred like ink in water. Sleep, dark and unsteady, engulfed her, bringing neither rest nor peace.
She woke to familiar wallpaper and shelves lined with old books. At first, she didnt realise she was home. The pattern on the curtains, the framed photograph on the bedside tableeverything both known and strange, as if shed come back to a place she could no longer claim as her own.
Emily turned her head and saw Adam, hunched on a faded armchair, stubble speckling his chin, eyes red from exhaustion. He whispered with their mother, who had returned early from a business trip, her own pallor and heavy-lidded eyes betraying many sleepless nights, though her voice was calm and firm.
I worry for her, Adam murmured, careful not to disturb Emily, though she was already listening. Shes always been so fixated on Tomnow what?
Time heals, their mother replied, though her tone lacked conviction. She knew, too, that her daughters world had been stitched together from laughter, hope, and Toms gentle presence. Now, with him gone, the seams had burst. Well look after her, she added, more sure, needing to convince herself as much as him.
Emily heard every word but couldnt move or speak, couldnt respond to their care, couldnt explain how utterly hollow she felt. She shut her eyes and played at sleep, because she had no answersno way to make them understand that the pain didnt leave, but simply crouched further beneath the surface.
Adam kept watch for a while before shuffling out, nodding grimly at their mum, who sat quietly beside Emily, stroking her daughters hand, trying to transmit some measure of strength across the dark gap between them. Heavy silence settled, broken only by the faint ticking of the clock and Emilys ragged breaths.
************************
Nine days. Then forty. Time crawled, thick and slow, unwilling to move forward. Emily spent most of those days perched on the wide window seat in her roomnot even reading, just hugging her knees and staring into the garden with vacant eyes.
Her gaze drifted often to the old wooden bench beneath the sprawling chestnut tree. Only a few months ago, Tom had sat with her there one cool September evening, trembling, stumbling over his words. She remembered every detail: his hands shaking as he pulled out the ring, his nerves making him start and stop, and his sudden, rushed declaration when he finally managed it. Shed laughedso joyful she could only say yes before he finished.
Now the bench was empty, redundant. The branches were bare, frost haunted the flagstonesautumn had long since tilted into winter, not that Emily noticed. Time had frozen at the moment she received the news.
Emily, would you try to eat something? her mothers soft plea broke through her daze one afternoon.
Her mother came up behind and gently laid a hand on her daughters shoulder. Her fingers were coldshe hadnt felt truly warm in weeks. She gazed at Emily with such worry and heartache her eyes brimmed, but she held back the tears, knowing she had to be the strong one now.
Im not hungry, Emily replied, voice even and lifelessspeaking as if of someone else.
You must eat, her mother said, forcing a steadiness into her words. You barely ate yesterday. You need your strength.
For who? Emily finally looked at her, her expression unchanged. I dont owe anyone anything.
Her mother froze, stricken by the force of those words. She opened her mouth to argue, but nothing came. She sighed, shoulders drooping, and drew away from the window, defeated.
She paused at the door, glanced back once more at her daughter, who had already turned back to the darkness outside, and softly slipped out. Adam waited in the corridor, shaking his headhis face showing hed heard the entire exchange.
I spoke to Dr. Sutton, their mother murmured, gripping her apron with white knuckles. We really do need professional help. We cant do this alone.
Adam nodded. Hed understood that for some time, but voicing it aloud hurt all the more. Watching Emily fade was agony. He clenched his fists, fighting the uselessness of it all. They needed action, not feeling, now.
Ill call Dr. Sutton, he said, reaching for his phone. She said shed come if things got worse.
Their mother nodded, staring through the half-open door at her daughter, as if hoping the smallest flicker of life might return to that motionless silhouette.
When dusk finally claimed the sky and a thin, white moon rose over the houses, Emily dragged herself from the window. Her legs trembled under herweeks with no appetite had left her weak. Like a sleepwalker, she moved to her bed, shrugged off her cardigan, and slid beneath the heavy duvet.
Muted voices drifted through the walls; she could hear her parents murmuring, but they felt as distant as figures in a dream. Emily squeezed her eyes shut, begging for sleepa sleep clear of pain, a sleep kind and deep.
That night, Tom came to her. He stood in her roomjust as hed always been, in his baggy grey pullover, with that familiar open smile. But his eyes now were serious, almost stern.
Emily, he said clearly, as if he truly stood beside her. Look at yourself. What are you doing?
She tried to speak, but no sound came. He moved closer.
Have you seen yourself lately? Youve given up. You cant do that.
Emily stretched out a hand to touch him, but her fingers passed through mist. He wasnt realjust longing, memory.
II cant. Not without you, she whispered, tears finally tracking down her face.
You can, he insisted, voice gentle but strong. You always were. You have to keep living, Emily. Do you hear me? Keep going.
He stepped closer, and for a heartbeat, she could almost feel the warmth of his palm against her cheek.
There are so many moments ahead for yousome good, some hard. Thats okay. You dont have to stop. Ill always be with you. Look up, Im there with the stars. If you need me, call. Ill find you.
Emily tried to clutch at him, but he faded, his image dissolving, the edges running like water.
Dont go! she cried, reaching into emptiness. Please!
But he was already gone, his last words a soft echo: Keep going, Emily. Promise me.
Emily woke with a jolt. The room was the sameher bed, the slant of moonlight across the carpet. But her pillow was wet, her heart thundered with grief pressing so hard she could barely draw breath.
Without thinking, she sobbeddeep and raw, shattering the silent night. In seconds, her parents and Adam burst in.
Emily, love, what is it? Her mother dropped beside her, grasping her hands to see her face.
Where does it hurt, where? Adam frantically scanned the shadows, searching for anything amiss.
But Emily couldnt answer. She sat there, doubled over, her tears noiseless but fierce, convulsing with the sudden release. In her mind, Tom lingered still, every word radiating truth.
Promise me, his voice rang again in her head.
And through the storm, fighting the tide, she whispered, I promise
Her mother gathered her in, rocking her gently like a child, and Adam stood close, a steady hand on her shoulder. No one said anything to comfort her; they just stayed.
And Emily, her face buried against her mother, wrestled with the brutal question: How do you live after this? How do you breathe, eat, walk, smilewithout him? But way down, murmuring beneath the sadness, a tiny thought began: If he believes in meif he asks memaybe I have to try.
If only for him.
************************
One dreary evening, the family gathered in the living room. Emilys mother set out mugs of tea, but nobody drank; none of them could taste anything or focus on lifes small routines. It was obvioussomething had to change.
I think we should move, Adam said at last, his voice quiet but sure, eyes fixed on his sister. Everywhere here is a memory for Emily. Every step on these streets hurts.
Curled in her armchair, knees hugged to her chest, Emily didnt protest. She merely stared out the rain-misted window, watching droplets melt the familiar buildings into blurry shadows. Her face was pale, but the deadness was fading.
It could help, a new place, her mother agreed softly, touching Emilys hand. “Someplace different, new faces…it might be a fresh start.”
Emily looked over. Her voice was thin, but alive:
Where?
Theres something in Manchester, Adam explained. A mate at work said theres an opening, could help me get set up. Well rent for now, see how it goes.
Mum chimed in, And youll find a spot at the college, no trouble. Well manage. The important thing is you feel better.
Emily hesitated. Memories flickered by: joking with Tom on the bench, walking the old high street, accepting flowers on the school stepsevery place tainted, every tree a scar. The pain grew sharper, not duller.
All right, she said at last. Lets move.
It cost herthose words wove together resignation and the faintest glimmer of hope. But it was a decision, her first real one in so long.
The weeks blurred by in a storm of packing. Emily didnt help muchshe just watched Adam and Mum fill boxes, fold clothes, dust off shelves soon to be emptied. She would pick up small thingsa keyring from Tom, a faded photo, an old cinema ticketand turn them over in her hands before tucking them away.
The morning they left, she stood alone on the balcony, taking in the garden one last time. Her chest ached, but she refused to sink beneath it. I can do this, she told herself, silent. I have to.
The new town greeted them with bleak skies and busy streets. The flat was roomy, bright. Emily gazed out her new window at the street, the jumble of unknown doorways, the bustle of strangers below. Everything felt unfamiliarand strangely freeing. Where there were no ghostly reminders, she could, for now, begin anew.
The first days dragged. Emily woke each morning unsure whose life she was living. She missed the old places, old friends. At night, sometimes Tom returned in dreamssmiling, encouraging, and shed awake, cheeks stained with tears.
But gradually, small things caught her notice. Tulips blooming in the little park down the road. The barista at the café greeting her by name on her second visit. Tiny steps, but vital ones.
Emily never forgot Tomshe never would. But now, she understood: to move on was not betrayal. It was the promise shed made. His final wish, her duty of love.
She went to college taster sessions, lent a hand with the housework, strolled with Adam through new streets. Each day was a battle, but slowly, lifes rhythm returneda new layer painting itself atop the old, not erasing, only adding.
Somewhere deep inside, she knew he watched her.
And he was proud.
Because she hadnt given up.
Because, somehow, she was still here.
