How utterly lovely murmured Alice.
She adored sipping her morning tea in silence, just as Robert was still snoring, while the first blush of dawn crept through the windows. At moments like these, life felt neatly lined up. The jobdependable. The flatsnug. The husbandsteady as they come. What more did happiness require?
She never envied her friends, those always complaining about their jealous husbands and rows over nothing in particular. Robert was never the jealous sortno melodramatic scenes. He didnt rifle through her phone or demand a daily log of her whereabouts. He was simply there, and that was quite enough.
Alice, have you seen my garage keys? Robert appeared in the kitchen, hair going every which way as usual.
On the shelf by the door. Helping the neighbour again?
Martin needs me to have a look at his motor. Somethings up with the carburettor.
Alice nodded, pouring him a mug of tea. All frightfully ordinary. Robert was always lending a handto colleagues during a move, friends when the boiler broke, neighbours whod lost the will to fix anything. My knight in battered overalls, she sometimes thought fondly. That fellow who just couldnt walk past someone elses problem.
It was, in fact, this precise quality that had bowled Alice over on their first datewhen Robert dropped everything to help a stranger, an elderly lady with far too many shopping bags for her own good. Any other bloke would have zipped by. Not Robert.
Thered been a new neighbour downstairs for about three months now. Alice barely noticed her at firstso many come and go in these London flats. But Jane, as it turned out, was impossible not to notice.
Her laugh rang out through the stairwell at all hours, her heels clacked up the steps morning, noon, and (disconcertingly) night. And the way she held phone conversations as though submitting them for public broadcast
Can you believe it, he brought groceries round today! Didnt even have to ask. A full bag! All on his own! Jane gabbled to someone on the other end.
Alice once bumped into her by the post, offered a polite smile. Jane beamedradiated, eventhe kind of exuberance seen only in people freshly, foolishly smitten.
New boyfriend? Alice inquired, as one does.
Not exactly new, Jane replied, eyes twinkling. But definitely attentive. Proper rare, that. Fixes anythingleaky tap, dodgy socket, pays my bills, can you imagine?
Lucky you.
Understatement, that. Mind you, hes married. But thats just a bit of paper, isnt it? What matters is how good we are together.
Alice traipsed back upstairs with a strange discomfort. Not disapproval, exactly. Something in that chat had scratched at her, though she couldnt say what.
Over the next weeks, Jane seemed to lie in wait just to regale Alice with the latest.
Hes so thoughtful! Always checking if Im all right
Yesterday he brought me medicine when I came down with something. Found the only pharmacy open at night himself. Can you believe?
And he says the real point is to feel needed. Makes his whole life worthwhile, he says
At that, Alice nearly choked on her tea.
To feel neededthats the meaning of his life.
Robert had said literally those exact words. On their anniversary, no less, while explaining a late return because hed been helping his mother-in-laws friend with that allotment.
Coincidence, surely. Just a common typea man with a hero complex? Still, details began piling up. The shopping deliveries without being askedthat was Robert. The compulsion to fix literally everything
Alice told herself it was nonsense, plain paranoia. You couldnt seriously suspect your own husband simply because the neighbour had a chirpy turn of phrase.
But then Robert started changing. Not abruptly, just little by little. He started popping out for a minute, disappearing for hours. His phone suddenly became his constant companioneven in the loo. Simple questions met with curt, irritable replies.
Off to where?
Just got things to do.
What things?
Is this an interrogation, Alice?
Yet ironically, he looked positively content. Fulfilled, even. As though somewhere out there hed found the gratitude and dependence that had gone missing at home.
One evening, he prepped to go out again.
Colleague needs help. Something about paperwork.
Its nine oclock in the evening.
When else? He works days.
Alice said nothing. She gazed outside as her husband did not, in fact, leave the building.
She tossed on her coat, unhurried, and wandered down to the now-familiar door on the ground floor.
Her finger hovered over the bell. She hadnt rehearsed. No accusations swirling. She just pressed, and waited.
The door swung open in the blink of an eyeas if shed been expected. There stood Jane, swanning about in a short silk dressing gown, glass in hand. Her smile drained away, recognising the caller.
And behind her, comfortably ensconced as though king of the castle, stood Robert. Shirtless. Hair wet from the shower, looking every bit at home in someone elses flat.
Their eyes met. Robert flinched, opened his mouthand froze. Jane, cool as you like, just shrugged with the lazy indifference of someone quite used to drama.
Alice spun on her heel and marched up the stairs. Behind her, the scuffling of feet and Roberts desperate cry: Alice, wait, I can explain But she didnt let him in that night.
Next morning, who should appear but Mrs Potts, Roberts mother. Alice barely batted an eye. Of course hed phoned his mum with a creatively edited version.
Alice, really, must you be so dramatic? Mrs Potts settled at the kitchen table. Men are large children, honestly. They need that hero feeling. That neighbour of yoursshe just well, needed a bit of attention. Rob couldnt say no.
Couldnt say no to her bed, you mean?
Mrs Potts winced, as if Alice had uttered something wicked.
No need to twist things. Robs a good lada kind boy. Just gets carried away. Its not a crime, is it? My late husband well, never mind. Familys what matters. Give it time, love. Youre a sensible woman, Alice. Dont spoil your life over a trifle.
Alice looked at her mother-in-law and saw the spectre of everything she feared becoming: Convenient. Long-suffering. Willing to blind herself, to preserve a family-shaped illusion.
Thank you for popping by, Mrs Potts. But I need some time alone.
Mrs Potts left, offended, muttering about the forgiving skills of the younger generation.
That evening, Robert slunk home, all guilty catlike, peering hopefully into her eyes, reaching for her hand.
Alice, its not what you think. She just asked for help with the taps, we got to talking, shes so miserable, so lonely
You were half-naked.
I spilled water on myself! While fixing the tap! She gave me a shirt to change into, and then you
Alice stared at him, amazed by how clear it had become. Lying simply wasnt Roberts strength. Every word rang false; panic seeped from every gesture.
Even if I mean, suppose something did happenits meaningless! I love you. Shes just well, a passing dalliance. Foolishness. Male weakness.
He sat beside her on the sofa, attempted a clumsy cuddle.
Lets forget the whole thing, shall we? Wont happen againpromise. Shes wearing me out if Im honest. Always needing something, always moaning
At that, Alice finally understood. There was no remorse here. Only the fear of losing comfortthe dread of being saddled with a woman who truly needed him, rather than just letting him swan about as a knight errant on a schedule.
Im filing for divorce, she said breezily, as if mentioning shed unplugged the iron.
What? Alice, you cant be serious! Over one mistake?!
She stood and left him gawping, went to fetch her weekend bag. She began sorting out her documents.
The divorce was through in a matter of months. Robert moved in with Jane, who welcomed him with open arms. Those open arms rapidly turned into a list: fix the boiler, buy groceries, pay the leccy, resolve the Wi-Fi, help with the cat.
Alice heard about it all through the grapevine, nodded without a smirk. People generally got what theyd bargained for.
As for Alice, she rented a little flat across town. Every morning she drank her tea in blissful quiet, no one asking after misplaced garage keys, no mysterious quick errands, no wafts of someone elses perfume. Nobody insisted she be endlessly patient and useful.
Funny thing: shed expected it to hurt. That shed be walloped by loneliness, swamped by regret. Instead, what arrived was a peculiar lightness. Like slipping off a heavy coat shed worn for years without noticing the weight.
For the first time, Alice belonged solely to herself. And it turned out that was worth more than any so-called stability.
