So, does a marriage certificate really count for more than just living together? the men teased Nora.
Im not going to that thirtieth university reunion, Nora declared into the phone at her only friend, Maggie, If I go, Ill just spiral into one of my dark moods.
Let the ones who trot along every year go, they barely notice theyve aged at all.
But what do you look like now to be afraid? Maggie sounded puzzled.
We saw each other five years ago, didnt we?
You looked absolutely normal then.
Did you gain loads of weight or something?
Thats not it, I simply dont want to, so please, dont push me, Mag!
Nora longed to end the call, hoping her friend would accept a no and get on with calling down the guest list.
But Maggie latched on, her voice stubborn and unwavering.
Nora, our numbers are thinning as it is.
Oh heavens, is someone dead? Nora couldnt help a shiver; she no longer considered herself young, but surely they werent all headed for the great beyond just yet.
No, nothing like that, some people have just left the country.
Andy Cresswells gone though, bless him twenty-five years ago, still young, I told you before.
So dont be a spoilsport, nearly our entire years coming, four entire groups, but in the end just thirty of us.
You finally got your son married off, didnt you?
Now you can let your hair down for a change.
Maggie rattled on, but Noras mind drifted, remembering Andy Cresswell.
Hed always had those dark shadows beneath his eyes and a heavy, haunted stare.
Maybe they called him a weakling, but the truth was Andy had a weak heart.
Hed worked hard, dreamed of building a grand cable bridge in his hometown and managed none of it.
Nora wondered what shed managed.
Shed fallen for Henry, the building crew boss, and started working with him after her degree.
Hed work away in London, then disappear home somewhere up north.
Their courtship dragged on; Henry wouldnt hesitate to introduce her as his wife to anyone whod listen.
Said living together was proof of real love, not a bit of paper people only marry out of habit, but their love was genuine
When Nora found out she was expecting, it was just at the time Henry failed to show for a new stint in London.
Turned out he had three kids and a sick wife.
He handed in his notice for personal reasons without so much as a word to her.
Nora understood she couldnt go around demanding things from a man juggling three children and an ailing wife.
She quietly left the construction firm, before anyone suspected.
One of the men had joked as she packed up:
So, the paper of Holy Matrimony holds stronger than just shackin up?
Nora didnt care by then.
She took a job in the corner grocer near her flat, where a neighbour put in a word for her.
They arranged that, even when her baby was born, shed work two days a week.
Her mother agreed to look after Jamie, all the time reminding Nora what a hopeless case she was for throwing away a good job!
You made me this way! Nora shouted one day, after her mothers litany wore her down.
Well, I hoped youd end up respectable!
I broke my back paying for you to study, Nora and now look at you! her mother squawked.
Like mother, like seed, what did you expect? Nora retorted but instantly felt sorry for the old girl.
They hugged, tears and apologies, but the meaning of it all vanished into the air.
What now, indeed?
So when five years after university, Maggie called for their reunion, Nora didnt go.
Theyd only talk about families and jobs, swapping photos, while she juggled three cleaning jobs the block entrance, the primary school, and the nursery.
What could she even talk about with them?
Or rather, what could they talk about with her
For Jamie, shed do anything; he was her one and only comfort.
Especially after her mother, the minute Jamie started school, decided her grandmotherly duty was well and truly over.
Scampered off to stay with her sister in Cornwall, muttering about needing fresh country air.
Fortune, funny thing, finally smiled on Nora, and she nabbed a part-time job in her old trade.
Jamie was just starting school so she managed to balance everything, even picking him up early enough that his classmates envied him for it.
A man at work tried his luck with her, but she cut him off at the pass.
Jamie didnt need some strange man in his home.
Hed never replace his father anyway; why invite more trouble?
To everyones surprise, Nora proved herself at work, and once Jamie got older, she landed a full engineering role.
With a steady salary, life finally felt almost ordinary.
Yet she always felt lacking, shrinking into herself even to look at.
She dressed plainly, never dyed her hair, and by forty silver ran through her curls.
Happiness seemed out of reach shed once lived with a married man, nearly split up a family with three children.
No bright clothes, no lipstick keep your head down, blend, and hopefully no one looks at you again.
Nora didnt believe in happy endings; divorced people were everywhere and she wasnt any better than the rest.
Jamie, astonishingly, grew up grateful and whole mothers sacrifices didnt spoil him.
Hed go to Cornwall for summers, help his grandmother Iris and great-aunt Bess with chores.
He dug up the garden, planted potatoes, carrots and beetroot with the two old ladies.
Weeded and watered, came autumn, dug up the spuds and helped with the endless jarring of jams and pickles.
He was always strong, splitting logs and stacking the wood neat as a diagram.
Even Noras mum, now, admitted it was fortune to have such a dear grandson, what luck for her and lonely Aunt Bess
So what use now for Nora in a café, at a thirty-year university reunion
These well-worn thoughts swirled through Noras mind in an instant.
She realised Maggie was still speaking: You got it, right?
Café opposite the old student halls, next Friday at three.
Come on, give me someone to chinwag with Ive no one else.
Please?
Maggies voice wobbled, catching Nora off guard.
All right, Ill come
No sooner had she agreed and laid her phone on the table, than she regretted every word.
She eyed herself in the mirror, picked up the phone, wanting to ring Maggie back, to say shed agreed by mistake.
The line for Maggie, their old course rep, was always busy, and a peculiar shyness crept over Nora
That night, far later than shed admit, she opened the wardrobe and fished out the blue dress her son had bought for her to wear at his wedding.
Jamie and his wife, Helen, had barely convinced her.
Helen took Nora shopping and practically forced her in and out of dozens of dresses.
That blue dress was the only one everyone liked, even Nora.
They found matching shoes, Helen took her to a salon where they dyed her hair and styled it up.
A year now since Jamie and Helen moved out together and found their own happiness.
The grey had crept back into Noras hair; she hardly bothered to spruce herself up, didnt see the point.
Still she styled her hair, slipped on that blue dress.
Brushed on some lipstick, but wiped it away grief-stricken.
Too brazen, too much.
The café pulsed with noise and people when she arrived, barely on time.
Maggie spotted her straight away, bounding over: Nora, youre stunning!
Im so glad youre here!
Maggie had filled out, really, but it suited her made her look younger somehow.
They chatted over coffee, until Maggie was drawn away.
Nora simply sipped her juice, gazed around, ears filled with the old songs of their student days.
Someone had put a lot of thought into the playlist: music from those dreaming days when the future sparkled.
May I have this dance? someone half-shouted through the music.
Nora looked up and recognised him instantly.
It was Alex Stern from the parallel group.
Married in third year Nora had always regretted it; shed liked him then.
Nora, youre really beautiful.
This is my first reunion and I havent recognised a soul, except you!
Alex offered his hand and, astonishingly, she took it, catching Maggies wide-eyed stare as she returned to the table.
They danced, silent, through a handful of songs.
Then Alex asked, unexpectedly:
Nora, may I walk you home?
I should say, Ive been divorced a long while.
But if theres a man waiting at your place, just let me walk you its late, after all
Alex walked her home.
The next day, they met up again.
After that, hardly a day went by apart.
Choosing Noras dress and shoes for the wedding, Helen did all the running around for her, now gently rounded for her own coming child.
Nora would soon be a grandmother.
It embarrassed her to be a bride.
Nora let herself be happy at last.
And Helen whispered:
Nora, you are beautiful.
Jamie and I are so happy for you.
Happiness isnt age-restricted youre allowed it!
And truly, as she sat at her own wedding breakfast, eyes aglow, hand in Alexs, Nora thought: Now, surely, Im finally allowed.
Nora forgave herself at last.
She let herself be happy
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