Blue Stocking
“Emily, can you cover for me tomorrow, please? It’s my mother-in-law’s birthday, I have to pay her a visit.”
“But didnt you celebrate her name day just last month?” Emily looked up from the box of library cards.
“Oh come on, Emily! Why are you fussing? That was her name day, and this is her birthday! I really need the day, you know? And surely it’s no trouble for you! No kids, no chains, living on your own! Oh Im sorry! I didnt mean”
Sarah clapped her hand to her mouth, but it was already too late. Emily turned away, nodded curtly, and left the reading room.
“That was out of order…” Sarah shrugged and gave a sideways glance at Lucy.
No chance of pulling the wool over Lucys eyes. You wouldnt catch her agreeing to a swap so easily. Librarian or not, Lucy believed a cultured woman could stand up for herself. Emily found her views terrifying, while Sarah could laugh herself to tears about it.
“See, not all librarians are blue stockings like you, Emily! Look at me, or Lucy! That’s how life should be! But you? Always darting between the library and home, those scarves, those cats The confirmed spinster! Forgive my bluntness, but who else will tell you the truth? Why are you like this? Youre a good-looking womanreally! Rosy cheeks and all! But you always seem so glum… Right, Lucy?”
Lucy would normally shush Sarah and put an end to the conversation.
“Thats enough. Why do you use yourself as an example? Youve had more flings than Ive got library cards! And wheres it got you? Living with your Mark! He either hits you or is off out on a bender. And you still try to teach life lessons!”
“But at least Ive got a husband! And children! Whats Emily got? Another stray cat? Shell have to move into the library soon, the way things are going. Emily, why dont you have a child for yourself at least? Forget a husband wasnt it your parents who left you a little something? You could raise a child on your own, not be alone anymore.”
After that, Lucy didnt hold back and Sarah would scuttle off making excuses about urgent bits and bobs, while Emily took refuge in a corner of the reading room to hide her tears.
But what had she done to deserve this? Was it her fault things hadnt worked out? First her father got ill, then her mother. Nearly fifteen years of constant caring, washing, lifting, bedding changes… Whod date someone living like that? Not that there was anyone in the first place Emily looked at her reflection in the mirror and saw not a beauty, yet not a fright either. Just averagegrey eyes, even features, a thick braid shed only just cut after her mother passed, trading it for a practical bob.
Otherwise, she was just ordinary Emily A plain woman. No bad habits, no future prospects.
Not that she really sought any. After all shed seen around her, the drama in her friends marriages sent shivers through her.
Take Sarah. Yes, she was married, but look what it cost her! The whole town knew her husband had another family. Their wild rows and reconciliations were legendary. They aired their dirty laundry for all to see. “People will gossip anyway,” Sarah always said, “so let them gossip about the truth, not secrets.” She wasnt ashamed she was the proper wife, end of story.
Emily struggled to understand that. Why invest yourself in such a relationship? Wheres self-respect? Wheres pride? Although, Emilys precious bookish ideals had little to do with realityand she knew it. Pride was for those with a villa and an uncle with money, not a couple of kids, a librarians wage, and a sick mum. She didnt judge Sarah for any of it, unlike the others; she simply tried to understand.
And when it came to serious things, Sarah always showed up to help. She became a pro at injections and drips while caring for her own mother, and when Emily said she couldnt find a nurse for hers, Sarah just showed up and did everything that was needed. Then, every three months, she came by as scheduled to do the next lot refusing a penny for it.
“Are you trying to offend me?” shed scowl when Emily tried to offer her money for help. “Dont be daft. Were neighbours, just a door away. You and your envelopes, honestly”
Emily always felt embarrassed to tears, and tried to make up for it in other ways. Sarah and her kids wore Emilys handmade scarves and hats; her daughter wore the mittens with bullfinches Emily had knitted for weeks only on special occasions, too afraid to lose them.
“Theyre so beautiful! What if I dropped one?”
Sarah, examining her daughters new mitts, got thoughtful and suggested Emily start an online shop.
“People would queue up for things like this!”
At first, Emily hesitated. But then she dismissed the idea.
“I cant knit that much. Besides, everything I do is one of a kind.”
“Get the local grannies in on it! Theres a whole gathering of them at the benches. Give them something to do a little extra for their pension and a bit for you as well.”
Strange as it was, the idea worked. Sarah clearly had a knack for business, and the website got going and orders started coming in. Not loads, but enough to make life easier for Emily and for the grandmas too. Now, every evening the “circle” gathered on the benches, knitting needles and hooks at the ready, while Emily and Sarah debated design ideas.
“Look that’s straight out of fashion week! Mrs. Taylor showed me a doily just like this the other day. See? Change a bit here, and it could be a skirt! Id wear it myself.”
And Emily would set to work. In a week or two, Sarah would be out showing off a new skirt, and Emily would post a new listing on the site.
Theyd never make a fortune, but it brought a nice trickle of pounds, and Emily suddenly felt a little like a businesswoman. Maybe she wasnt so useless after all!
Lucy, always amused by their efforts, sometimes chipped in with advice or even with her exquisite needle lace the most expensive item on Emilys website.
“My gran taught me,” Lucy would explain. “Said it would come in handy. She was right.”
Lucy’s pieces were the pride of Emilys shop. Sarah never uttered a word when Lucy sat at the reading room window with her lacework, leaving some duties with the others. They knew how important the extra money was for Lucy.
Lucy’s husband had vanished mere weeks after the birth of the twins. Artistic type forever searching for himself, but never quite found what he wanted beside Lucy. Despite her best efforts, he didnt work, claimed to “paint,” and would disappear off for days in his creative fogs, supposedly seeking fans of his “talent.” At that time, Lucy only had her eldest daughter, who rarely saw him and sometimes called him “that man.”
“Mum, that mans here again.”
That used to set Lucys husband off, raving about how shed embarrassed him. At first, Lucy said nothingher mother always believed even a useless husband was better than no father at all. Eventually, Lucy started to answer back: “And what have you actually done for her?”
Perhaps Lucys second pregnancy persuaded her to stop tolerating so much, but the father vanished completely as soon as he found out shed had two healthy, squalling boys.
Lucy didnt dwell on his departure. She had her job and her parents, who lived in the countryside and still ran a big smallholdingso weekends and holidays always meant helping out there, for the sake of the children.
Her kids were wonderfula real credit to her. Seeing them, Emily wondered if shed have such luck if she followed Sarahs advice and had a child herself, just to stave off loneliness.
But Emily was scared. Life as a single mother, with no family left and friends with their hands full, was too daunting. What if something happened to her? Whod look after the child? Foster care? No better to have cats and scarves. Responsibility is never optional.
Of course, Emily had no idea that Sarah and the local “circle,” desperate for eligible men in their little town, had been scouring for a potential husband for her. But no one suitable had yet appeared, so the womens council decided to let Emily be, with only the occasional slip of the tongue from Sarah, who would always chide herself afterwards.
In the end, the right man came along quite unexpectedly. Not even Emily could have imagined how fate would intervene.
After yet another chat with SarahEmily mopped her tears and agreed to cover her shift. Shed do most tasks that night, she thought, then tomorrow would be free to upload new photos to the website. One, a lacy white dress designed and made by Lucy, was to be the shops masterpiece.
“Wedding dress… Lucy, it’s incredible! Youve got golden hands!”
“Tell that to my two children! Yesterday they nearly drove me to murderleft the room for a minute and caught them with the scissors at the hem. They cut it so neatly I almost didnt notice. Had to redo the whole motif! Sat up half the night but now its perfect.”
That evening, Emily pondered how to describe such beauty for her online shop as she walked home. At the stairwell, she froze the thoughts of dresses and websites vanished at once.
“Help”
It was barely audible, almost drowned out by evening noisefamilies celebrating, arguments in distant flats, local boys clattering up and down the stairs.
“Help…”
Now there was no mistaking it. Someone needed help.
Emily’s block was old; most residents were pensioners, many with no family left. Emily knew them all. These were the ones who had helped her look after her own parents in their last days. Some knitted with Emily; some just smiled whilst wishing her a good husband and a houseful of children.
Mrs. Henderson was one of the latteronce a maths teacher and close friend of Emily’s late mother.
“Hows your health, Mrs. Henderson?” “Oh, Emily, that’s long gone, no bother! Im alive and thatll do. Tell me, how are you getting on?”
Odd, but Emily, who never shared much with others, found herself more honest around her old teacher, who in turn always gave calm, useful advice.
“Emily, live as you wish. Dont listen to others. They have their lives; you have yours. Who says we must live as someone else decides? Nonsense! Try on someone elses coatdoes it fit? No? Exactly. People try to squeeze us into their ideas, but do you need that? Suppose you marry just because you ‘should’for whom? And what happens if you have a child for the same reason? Will you be happy? Ill tell you from experienceno. Ive seen too many children who suffer because their parents only marry and have children because its expected. Nothing good comes of it…”
These talks comforted Emilyat least she wasnt the only one who thought that way.
Mrs. Henderson herself had been married almost fifty years. Shed married a fellow student and lived half her life traveling before settling in Emilys town. She never had children, so she cared for her pupils, who never forgot to send cards or drop by.
“My children!” shed say proudly, thrilled when someone remembered her.
Her husband had passed just a couple of years ago. Emily, anxious for her, brought Mrs. Henderson a kitten.
“Found him by the shops. Hes alone, just like us. What do you say?”
She took the kitten. That little Boris probably kept her going. He needed fresh fish from the market every morningno languishing in bed or falling into despair with him around.
So they livedold lady and catand were quite happy. Mrs. Henderson rarely asked for help, preferring to manage alone.
But it was from her flat that Emily now heard the call for help.
She didnt hesitate. Taking the stairs two at a time, she banged on the wardens door.
“Mrs. Jones! Quickit’s Mrs. Henderson! Trouble!”
Unlike Emily, Mrs. Jones knew all about rules, but she ignored them when the emergency services failed to arrive after two hours.
“Well answer to the council if need be! Never mind.”
Shed long had a spare key, just in case.
“Best to be prepared”
Mrs. Henderson was sprawled in the bathroom, having bashed her head and unable to movea twisted leg and numb arms. Who knows how long shed lain there semi-conscious? She hoped someone would hear, and Emily did.
She did everything she could to help. Mrs. Henderson spent half a year shuttling between hospital and home, bones mending slowly. Emily tended her, and eventually just brought her to live with her, easier than running back and forth all day. She was used to caring. Sarah scolded Emily for being so altruistic, but came round with medicine and injections.
“Dont worrywell have you back on your feet. No slacking off allowed!”
Mrs. Henderson resisted at first, worried about being a burden, but gave in when she realised Emily genuinely wanted to look after her.
“Youre a blessing, Emilyan angel if ever there was one!”
Slowly, Mrs. Henderson got stronger, and Emily was happy to come home to company. Evenings brought new routines: getting dinner, separating the tussling cats, laughing at Boris, who bossed the other rescued cats around, only to mope when they fought back.
“Theres no pleasing you, Boris. Times changeharems are out now.”
Emilys life, which had been so steady for so long, suddenly changed direction without warning, bringing new plans for the years ahead.
It began one evening with the doorbell.
“Is that Sarah?” Emily paused the film she and Mrs. Henderson were watching, and opened the door.
On the threshold stood a strangera gruff-looking man in a leather waistcoat and old jeans. Unlike the men Emily was used to seeing around.
“Can I help you?”
“Good evening. Is Mrs. Henderson living here now?”
“And you are?”
“I’ve come to visit her.”
Not sure whether to let him in, she hesitated, but then Boris streaked out, greeting the man with a wide purr.
“Boris! Well, hello, old chap!”
In an instant, the man was all smiles, transformed from his gruff earlier self. Emily threw the door wide.
“Come in!”
When Mrs. Henderson saw him, she beamed.
“Ben! My dear boy! What brings you?”
“On my way to see friends by the Thamesweve got a biker meet this year. Thought Id stop in, see how you are. Been a while since we talked.”
“Forgive me, dearhavent been up to talking much. This is Emily, my guardian angel, and the best woman youll ever meet. Listen to me, I know what Im saying!”
Surprisingly, Ben blushed and stared at his shoes.
“Pleased to meet you…”
Mrs. Henderson, quick to spot what Emily hadn’t, suddenly asked Ben for help with something and skillfully ensured Ben and Emily spent some time together.
Ben left after two days. But the visit changed somethinghe was back just two weeks later and, before Emily could believe it, she was a bride-to-be.
“Ben, we barely know each other Is this all a bit fast?” Emily asked.
“Whose business is it but ours? Were grown-ups.”
Sarah and Lucy, when told the news, gasped but kept their opinions to themselves.
“Emily, I wont ask if you love him. Were a bit old for that now. But do you reckon hes a good man?”
“And who says Im old?” Emily joked, and a look passed between them all.
How could things change so suddenly? Just yesterday she was the invisible librarian today she shone with happiness.
“Ive said enough, Emilysorry! Just be happy! Lucy, wed better take that wedding dress off the site!”
“Already done,” Lucy winked. “So youre sorted!”
The town had never seen a wedding like it! A procession of motorbikes glided down the High Street, leaving everyone craning to see.
“Who could that be?”
“Emily the librarians getting married!”
“Really? About timelovely woman. And her groom?”
“Seems serious enough!”
Three years later, Ben would help Mrs. Henderson out of the car and be waved away.
“Ill managego greet your son!”
Emily, in another of Lucys handmade dresses, would smooth her hair and call to the photographer:
“Everyone in! Make sure you get everyone!”
So he would, lining up all the friends and neighbours for the first photo of Emilys sonSarah and her family, Lucy and her children, the grandmas (with Mrs. Jones at the front).
Because why not? There truly should be more good people in the world.
