“Oh, Im not your wife, am I? We never went to the registry office, did we?”
“What kind of wife am I to you? Did we ever sign the papers? Get the rings? Make it official?”
Emily lowered her gaze. Shed dreamed of all that, but the years passed, and life carried on without the formalities.
“No! No! And no!” David snapped. “Youre nothing to me! What gave you the idea you could call yourself my wife?”
“Dave, please, talk to me,” she pleaded, reaching for his hand.
“Youve already said enough,” he pulled away. “Why dont you just shut it?”
“But I didnt even say anything” Emily muttered.
“Take this to heartsilence is golden! Especially for you!” He turned sharply to the window.
“Stop sulking, love,” she inched closer.
“You shouldve kept your mouth shut!” David threw his hands up. “How do you women manage to wreck everything with one sentence? Is there a class on how to drive men up the wall?”
Emily thought he was still cross about their morning rowDavid had smashed two mugs, his and hers.
“How could you?” shed fumed. “Most people have hands, but yours? Absolute butterfingers! Smash yours, fine, but why touch mine? Trying to leave us with no decent cups?”
Just a silly domestic spat. The sort of thing you shrug off. But David had stormed out to work and returned in a frosty silence. He ignored her, skipped dinner even after she called him three times. Time to make up.
“Oh, come on, well get new mugs at Harrods on Saturday! And your handswell, practice makes perfect!”
“What mugs?!” Davids eyes flashed. “Do you even realise the mess youve made with your big mouth?”
“I can apologise” Emily faltered. “Dont be angry!”
“Apologise?!” He let out a hollow laugh. “If sorry could erase your words, Id be over the moon! But no, youve just finished me off!”
“God, what did I even say?” It finally dawned on herthis wasnt about the mugs.
“Who told my boss today that she was speaking to Davids wife?!” he seethed.
“You were in the shower, the phone rang” she stammered. “I answered, said to hold on. She asked who I was. So I said his wife. When I handed you the phone, shed already hung up. Whats the crime?”
“Youre seriously asking?!” Davids face turned crimson, a vein throbbing at his temple. “What wife? Did we sign papers? Exchange rings? Make it official?”
Emily swallowed. Shed dreamed of it, but
“No! No! And no!” he roared. “Youre nobody! What gave you the right to call yourself my wife?”
***
“How longs this circus going on?” Margaret smirked.
“Mum” Emily frowned. “Times have changed. Youre one to talkafter Dad, you had your share of flings!”
“Dont lie about your mother!” She kept smiling. “At my age, gossip doesnt stick. But youre youngthink ahead!”
“Mum, fifty-five isnt ancient! You could still remarry!”
“If a decent man turns up, why not?” She smoothed her silver strands. “Till then, Ill manage with substitutes.”
“Youre unbelievable,” Emily snorted.
Then her mother turned serious.
“Love, I get itplenty live together, have kids now. But legally? Its cohabitation. No guarantees!”
“If theres love, who needs guarantees?”
“Love fadesemptiness stays. A proper husband means alimony, a share in assets. Without that, youll get nothing, not even in court!”
“Dave and I are fine! Six years together. Why bother with paperwork? We earn the same.”
“Thats not convincing!” Her mother wagged a finger. “Drop hints. Call him hubby, joke about wifey. Ease him into it. Thenwalk down the aisle!”
“What if I scare him off?” Emily shook her head. “Happiness is fragiledont push your luck.”
“Your life,” Margaret sighed. “But rememberresponsibility marks maturity. And you two? Just a muddle.”
***
Her mums advice stuck. Marriage was a safety net. Even her mate Sarah agreed:
“Imagine you get a mortgage. Its in Daves name. What if you split?”
“Pessimist!”
“Say he wants to gift the flat to his nephew. You wont get a say! No stamp, no casejust wasted stress.”
“Ill save receipts, find witnesses!”
“Or” Sarah grinned slyly, “just sign the papers.”
“Mum says to tease him as hubby. Ease him in slowly.”
“Well, get on with it!”
***
Emily started calling David “husband” at every chance. At first, he laughed it off, but soon it stuck. She almost believed the actuntil she told his boss that fatal line: “This is his wife.”
***
“Weve been together six years!” Emilys voice shook. “I thought we were family. Kids, growing old together”
“You shouldve kept quiet!” He paced furiously. “Why meddle with Helen? Now Im getting sacked!”
“But I always call you my husband!”
“The difference is, youve wrecked my career!” David slammed his keys down. “I wouldnt marry you nowI wont even live with you! Pack your things!”
“Youre serious?” She froze. “So I said wife”
“Helen kept me on because of personal interest. Now Im married, youre in her way!”
***
A week later, Helen herself rang the doorbell.
“Sorry to intrude,” she said, “but I wanted to explain. Not about the sackingabout the years of deceit. We all thought he was single”
“Were not married,” Emily whispered.
“Cohabiting,” Helen corrected. “But youre free now. And you know” Her lips twitched. “Hes not the one. Not a husband, not a partnerjust a bit of a prat.”
Emily nodded. There was nothing left to say.
