**Diary Entry When He Couldnt Let Go of His Ex**
*”Youre going to see her again?”*
Emily fixed her husband with a sharp glare. Daniel kept tying his shoelaces, avoiding her eyes.
*”To see the kids, Em. The kids, not her,”* he muttered, straightening up and reaching for his jacket. *”How many times do we have to have this conversation?”*
Emily stayed silent, lips pressed into a thin line. There was so much she wanted to say, but the words lodged in her throat like a lump, raw and suffocating.
*”You were fine with it before we married,”* Daniel went on, shrugging into his coat. *”You knew I had children. I told you straight away. You said you understood. So whats changed? The interrogations? The drama?”*
Emily clenched her jaw. Daniel didnt wait for a reply. The door clicked shut behind him, leaving her alone in the quiet.
It took several seconds before she could move. Her legs felt leaden. She slumped onto the sofa in the living room and turned on some mindless tellybackground noise, anything to drown out the thoughts.
Theyd been together three years. Married for two. And yes, shed known from the start. The divorce. The two childrena boy and a girl. Daniel had told her on their third date. Back then, Emily had smiled, said it wasnt a problem, that she understood. That kids werent an obstacle.
Now those words felt painfully naive.
She pressed a hand over her eyes, breathing deeply. The tears were close, her chest tight as if an invisible weight pressed down on her.
It had become unbearable. Twice a week, like clockworkTuesday and Saturday. Daniel left for his ex-wifes house. *”To see the kids,”* he insisted. But he stayed for dinner. Spent hours there. With *her*. With *Charlotte*.
Emily knew it sounded mad. She *trusted* himor at least, she tried to convince herself she did. But something gnawed at her, a sickening dread that twisted her stomach every time he walked out the door.
Left alone, Emily spiralled. She hated how weak she felt, how she couldnt stand her ground, how she swallowed his excuses instead of screaming what she really thought.
She snatched her phone and texted her best mate: *”Hes at hers again.”*
Her phone buzzedLucy.
*”Hey,”* Emily answered, forcing steadiness into her voice.
*”Em, what the hell are you doing?”* Lucy didnt mince words. *”How much longer are you putting up with this? Hes cheating. Its obvious.”*
*”No, Luce, you dont”*
*”I *do*,”* Lucy cut in. *”Twice a week, hes over at his exs, stays till God knows when, and youre telling me theyre building Lego castles with the kids? Come on.”*
Emily dragged a hand down her face. She knew Lucy was right. But admitting it meant admitting her marriage was a farce.
*”He swears theres nothing between them,”* Emily whispered. *”That its just for the kids.”*
*”Christ, youre too soft,”* Lucy sighed. *”Em, open your eyes. Decent blokes dont spend half the night at their exs. They pick the kids up, take them out, drop them back. Yours? Hes at her kitchen table, eating her shepherds pie, probably holding her hand when no ones looking.”*
*”Stop it,”* Emily hissed, gripping the phone tighter.
*”Fine. But remember thisyoull regret it if you stay. And when it blows up, dont say I didnt warn you.”*
The call ended. Emily stared blankly at the telly, where some sitcom audience roared with laughter. She didnt hear a thing.
Daniel came back just before midnight. She listened to him shuffling in the hallway, the bathroom tap running. He slid into bed beside her, and she caught the scent of perfumesweet, cloying, *not hers*.
She didnt ask why he was late. Couldnt muster the energy. But Daniel spoke first, shifting under the covers.
*”Sorry, love. Lily needed help with her school project. Made this ridiculous pinecone hedgehog. Took ages.”*
Emily nodded in the dark, though he couldnt see.
This went on for months. Tuesday. Saturday. Leaving. Returning. The smell of another womans perfume. The excuses.
Then Daniel changed. Grew distant, brooding. Spent evenings scowling at his phone. Emily tried to pry, but he brushed her off with grumbles before vanishing into another room.
Two weeks later, he dropped the bombshell:
*”Weve got a double date Friday.”*
Emily blinked. *”With who?”*
*”Charlotte. And her new bloke.”*
Relief flooded her. So Charlotte *was* seeing someone? So Daniel *hadnt* been cheating? All her fears had been for nothing?
She grinned, throwing her arms around his neck. *”Of course well go.”*
Friday came fast. Emily even bought a new dresscornflower blue, fitted. She wanted to look good. To prove to Charlotte that *she* was the right choice.
The café was cosy, all warm wood and soft lighting. Charlotte was already there with a man in his fortiestall, athletic, easy smile.
*”Hi,”* Charlotte stood. *”This is James.”*
She looked polished. Slim, pretty, put-together. James shook Daniels hand, and they sat.
Emily felt hopeful. This would be civil. Polite. A chance to move on.
But the night was a disaster.
Daniel spent the entire evening *marking his territory*. He cut James off mid-sentence, flaunted how well he knew Charlotte.
James suggested sharing a spicy pizza. Daniel jumped in:
*”Charlotte hates spice.”*
*”I know,”* James said smoothly. *”Were ordering it for us. Charlottes getting something else.”*
But Daniel ploughed on.
*”Remember that holiday at Brighton, Char? When Tommy dragged a jellyfish ashore, thought it was a toy?”*
Charlotte nodded, irritation flickering. *”Daniel, that was years ago.”*
He didnt stop. Story after storytheir past, the kids, the pram theyd picked together, the sleepless nights when Lilys colic was bad.
Emily sat frozen, fingers tight around her water glass. Each word was a knife twist. Even Charlotte looked uncomfortable, shooting Daniel warning looks he ignored.
Then it hit her. Daniel hadnt let go. He was clingingto her, to their history, to *them*. And Emily? She was the spare. The placeholder.
Her phone rangautomated banking alert. But she seized the escape. *”Mums in a state. Ive got to go.”*
No one argued. Daniel didnt even turn. She hailed a cab, fled home, and yanked a suitcase from the wardrobe.
She was done.
Daniel stormed in an hour later, furious. He took in the suitcase, her stiff posture.
*”Whats this?”*
Emily met his gaze, dry-eyed. The tears had dried up somewhere between packing jumpers and jeans.
*”Im leaving.”*
*”What? Where?”*
*”Doesnt matter. Away from *this*,”* she zipped the case. *”Tonight showed me the truth. You still love her. Or just cant let go. Either way, I wont be second-best.”*
*”Thats not”*
*”Dont,”* she cut him off. *”I saw you tonight. You were *claiming* her. Like she was still yours. And I was just there.”*
Silence.
*”I wont be the backup plan, Daniel,”* she said, grabbing the suitcase. *”I love you. But thatll burn out. At least Ill keep my self-respect.”*
She walked out. Daniel didnt stop her. Didnt beg. Didnt explain.
In the cab to her parents, she watched London blur past the window. One thought cut clear through the numbness:
*Finally. Im free.*
**Lesson learnt:** Love shouldnt make you a spectator in your own life. Walk away before you lose yourself for good.
