Dear Diary,
After those words Im supposed to sit here, pretend everythings fine and keep smiling? No, enjoy the party without me! With that, Nora slammed the bedroom door.
She woke up far earlier than usual this morning. Even with her eyes closed she remembered: today is the big fourzero. Once that number seemed a distant, almost unattainable milestone. Now it greets her daily in the mirror, lined around her eyes and a hint of fatigue in her gaze.
Simon lay breathing softly beside her, utterly still as Nora slipped out from under the covers. He slept soundly, oblivious to the fact that with each passing year his attention to her seemed to dwindle. She glanced at the clock: 5:30. There was still a lot to do before the guests arrived.
Quietly closing the bedroom door, Nora headed for the kitchen. Today their flat was to become the meeting point of two worlds her family and Simons friends. Years have passed and a true sense of unity between the two sides never materialised. Her own friends have long since faded into the background, while Simons oldboy circle remains unchanged: the same faces, the same topics.
She brewed a pot of coffee and opened the fridge. The night before shed been up late preparing marinated beef, sliced veg, and all the fixings for salads. Now everything had to be turned into a proper celebration spread. Usually theyd order in or go out, but for this anniversary they craved a homely atmosphere, a touch of warmth, something truly theirs.
Mom, do you have two hundred pounds? a voice called from the hallway.
Sixteenyearold Liam stood there, dishevelled but already in jeans and a tshirt.
Where are you off to so early? Nora asked, pulling a note from her wallet.
We were planning a bike ride with the lads, early to avoid the heat. Ill be back in the evening, just in time for the party.
Liam, do you remember what day it is?
He paused, then gave a guilty smile.
Of course, its your birthday. I just didnt want to wake you up this morning thought Id wish you later.
Would you stay and help me? I cant manage everything on my own
He sighed.
Mom, we agreed already. Ill be back in time. Isnt Eleanor going to help?
Shes still at her country house with a friend, should be back before six.
Fine you always manage better than anyone else, he shrugged.
Nora exhaled. She used to pride herself on holding everything together, but now it only left her exhausted.
Go then. Just be home on time.
Liam planted a quick kiss on her cheek and vanished. A few seconds later the front door banged shut.
By nine Nora was fully immersed in the preparations. The oven warmed for the beef, veg waited to be chopped, and the cheesecake batter rested under a towel. The air smelled of fresh coffee and herbs.
Good morning, Simon announced, appearing in the kitchen in wellworn trainers. What are you up to so early?
How do you think? she replied, dryly. The guests are due at six. Theres a mountain of work.
You could have slept a bit longer. Its your day, after all, he said, pouring himself a cup. Happy birthday, by the way. He brushed a kiss against her cheek, the scent of mint and his familiar cologne lingering.
Thanks, Nora said, craving even a small gesture, a present, or at least a question: How can I help?
Simon was already scrolling his phone at the table.
Youre off work today? she asked, cracking eggs.
No, its a day off. Sometimes you have to do a bit of housework
Great. Then will you help set the table?
Sure, once I finish the news, he muttered without looking up.
Three hours later Simon shuffled into the living room, now glued to a football match, shouting commentary.
Nora kept chopping, mixing, whisking, baking, thinking, Forty years. This is how Im spending it
Exactly at three the doorbell rang. She wiped her hands on a towel and opened it. Her younger sister Eleanor stood on the threshold, clutching a bunch of red carnations.
Happy birthday, love! Eleanor said, hugging her with one arm. I got here early to lend a hand. Still cooking?
Ive been on my feet since dawn, Nora replied, ushering her inside. Were expecting guests at six, but its lovely to see you.
Wheres the fancy outfit? Eleanor glanced at Noras plain tee and faded jeans.
Theres no fancy dress, Nora sighed, waving a hand. The salads arent finished, the cake isnt decorated, the table isnt set
Got it, Eleanor said seriously, surveying the kitchen. She turned back to the hallway. And Simon, is he in the loop?
He is occupied.
From the living room came a disgruntled shout: What are you doing, you slacker! Get moving!
Right, Eleanor muttered. Ill free him.
She strode into the lounge. Nora heard her bossing Simon around but didnt listen. Soon Simon emerged, his face a shade darker.
Whats needed? he growled.
Could you set the table in the lounge? Nora said, keeping her tone even. Eleanor, please help him with the dishes.
The next few hours passed without major quarrels. Under Eleanors firm direction Simon complied, occasionally disappearing into the TV, but he did manage to get things done. By five oclock the main tasks were finished. Nora finally felt the weight of the day: her shoulders ached, her legs throbbed, and there was still an entire evening of celebration ahead.
Go change, Eleanor urged, nudging her gently out of the kitchen. Ive got this.
Nora slipped into the bedroom. In the wardrobe waited a new midnightblue dress bought especially for the occasionelegant, with a nice cut. Yet she lacked the energy and desire for makeup or an elaborate hairstyle. She settled for the black work dress, freshened her face, reapplied lipstick, and returned to the guests just as the doorbell rang again.
By six the flat was buzzing with people. Parents, longtime friends of the couple, Simons colleagues, and a handful of children. Olivia brought a trendy cake from a boutique patisserie, while Liam handed over a postcard hed apparently bought on the way home.
Nora greeted each guest with a strained smile. Her head throbbed, and she couldnt even steal a moment for a quick pilleveryone kept asking for something. Then Simon suddenly came alive: joking, pouring drinks generously, and, theatrically, hugging Nora each time someone toasted her.
At last everyone sat down. Nora served the main courseher signature roast beef.
Darling, maybe not so many salads, Simon murmured as she plated the coleslaw. Theres already enough mayo. Youve been overdoing it lately He didnt finish, but a fleeting glance at her waist said more than words. Noras cheeks flushed. Eleanor, sitting nearby, shot him a brief look.
The meat turned out a bit dry, Simon announced loudly as he cut a slice. I think I left it in too long.
Its perfect, Noras mother interjected immediately.
Im not being cruel, Simon raised his hands. Last time it was a bit juicier.
Nora stayed silent, chewing thoughtfully, eyes fixed on her plate. What should have been a cosy evening felt like another humiliation under the watchful eyes of the crowd.
One toast after another followed. Some wished career success, others beauty and youth. Parents asked for health and patience. Eventually Simon rose, glass in hand, and addressed the room:
Id like to wish my wife a happy fortieth. This age is serious business, but Nora is handling it like a champ. For her years, shes still going strong
A nervous chuckle rippled through the table.
though, of course, she could take a bit more care of herself, he added, keeping his smug grin. But we love you, darling. To you!
Silence settled. Glasses were lifted reluctantly, smiles tight. Most avoided Noras gaze. She sat frozen, staring at the tablecloth, the longsuppressed feelings finally bubbling up.
She rose slowly.
Thank you for the wishes, she whispered and left the room.
The hallway buzzed with low chatter that soon faded into ordinary background noise. No one followed hernot even Simon.
In the bedroom mirror she saw a tired woman: dull eyes, dishevelled hair, an everyday look. When had she stopped being herself? How had she allowed it?
She opened the wardrobe again and retrieved that same midnightblue dress, the one shed saved for tonight. She slipped it on, adjusted the neckline, dusted off the earrings Simon had given her when his words still sounded loving, not reproachful. From the shoe rack she took the pair of heels shed worn at her wedding; they still fit perfectly.
She dialed a familiar number.
Hey, its me. Its my birthday I know its sudden, but could we meet? I dont want to be alone tonight. How about The Ivy in thirty minutes? Great, Ill book a table.
She hung up, glanced once more at the mirror. A different Nora stared backstraight back, steady gaze, faint smile. Confidence was returning.
She stepped into the lounge; everyone fell silent. Eyes turned to her. Simon stared, astonished.
Well, look at that! he exclaimed. Now thats a proper birthday look. Why didnt you change earlier? Come over!
For the first time that day she genuinely smiled.
No, Simon, Im not staying, she said.
What? Why? he blurted, confused.
After everything thats been said, should I sit here and pretend Im happy? No. Ive decided to celebrate my way. A taxi will be here in a few minutes. Im heading to a restaurant with a friend.
Youre making this up! What humiliation? It was a joke! Simon gestured helplessly toward the guests, searching for support.
In every joke Nora began, then stopped. Never mind. Im leaving. Thank you all, enjoy the rest of the evening.
She turned toward the exit. Eleanor caught up to her.
Nora, maybe you shouldnt? she whispered. He didnt mean to hurt you
Nora, she said calmly, looking Eleanor straight in the eye, Ive heard those excuses for sixteen years. Maybe he truly didnt intend it, but Im done tolerating it, especially on my own day.
She hugged her sister and walked out.
The stairwell was quiet and cool. Each step felt like shedding a weight; breathing became easier. The protective shell shed built cracked and fell away. What lay ahead she didnt knowperhaps Simon would finally understand, perhaps not. But at forty, Nora felt alive for the first time in ages.
Outside, the evening air was warm. A taxi waited at the curb. She got in, gave the address, and felt her phone buzz in her bag. A message from Simon flashed, but she simply turned off the sound.
This night belonged to her alone, and only she could decide how to live it.
Lesson learned: you cannot keep giving away pieces of yourself to keep peace; sometimes the only way to be heard is to walk away and claim the life you deserve.
