He doesnt even like me at first glance.
Oh, did he just swing at you? Maybe you imagined it? Maybe it was an accident?
Mum, theres no maybe about it. I thought Tom would end up an orphan Nick is a head taller than me!
You know men dont just raise their hands for nothing Youve been fiery since you were a child. If somethings wrong, youll bring it to a boil.
Emily freezes at those words. She expects protection, outrage, at least a little sympathy from her mother, but gets none of that. Its as if shes also to blame. And if, God forbid, things really went that far, would her mother also blame her?
How can I not be fiery when his world is full of bunnies and kittens? I havent heard a word like that from him in three years! Emily snaps.
Right. And now youre shouting at your mother, Margaret says with a hint of irritation. Listen, Emily, flirting isnt the same as striking. He doesnt drink, he doesnt party, he works. Sure, hes got a temperament. They all do, and you do too. Have you ever had a better man? Think carefully before you do anything rash
Oh, Mum, thats enough. Thanks for the support, Emily replies and hangs up.
Physical abuse, betrayal and lies are things Emily can never tolerate, especially in marriage. Nick has assembled the whole package. Emily has already decided she wont back down, but shes puzzled by her mothers reaction, which sounds as if Emily were complaining about a expired item in a shop. That doesnt sit right with Emily. Shes simply missed a lot before.
Margaret Ivanova has an uncanny habit of changing shoes midstep, even turning back while shes jumping. She tells people one thing to their face and another behind their back. Her smile is sweet and mischievous, but her gaze often stays cold and calculating.
Oh! What a cute dress. It fits you nicely, she says when her little daughter tries on a outfit in a shop.
Then Margaret looks at the price tag, raises an eyebrow in surprise, and instantly changes her opinion.
Actually, you know, with your legs they look a bit short in it, she declares firmly. No, lets find something else.
In the end they pick a cheap synthetic fabric in a greybrownmagenta shade, the wrong size but on sale, and Margaret later boasts to her friends about the great find.
Some mums in our town stitch dresses for the school leavers night. And thats in Year 9! Margaret complains on the phone to an acquaintance. Theyve gone mad. Its just one night, the money isnt huge. I grabbed mine on clearance, cant feel sorry for it. Maybe shell wear it somewhere later.
Emilys friends are similar. Emily goes to a birthday party and brings a slice of cake. Oh, little Lucy is such a good girl, her parents are proper, they say. Lucy wants to visit? Margaret instantly swaps shoes.
Why does she need to be here? Remember: no friends allowed in the house! she lectures Emily. Get used to it from childhood. Friends are like that they act cute at first, then either gossip behind your back or steal your husband.
The same goes for Nick. At first Margaret disapproves of Emilys choice.
Whats he good for? He pops up, then disappears A decent man wouldnt behave like that. I can feel my heart telling me youre not his only one, Margaret warns.
And Emily believes her. She has little experience, and her mothers authoritative opinion drowns out her own voice.
Emily tries to break up with Nick, but that only spurs him to court her more aggressively. A couple of times he orders flowers for home delivery, a few more times sushi, and Margaret softens.
You cant let a man like that slip away! she says, trying to spear a roll of sushi with a fork. Hes not perfect, but perfect men are still pups in the making. You dont want to end up alone with thirty cats, do you? So grab the bull by the horns and marry him.
Emily listens to her mother, a dutiful daughter. Her mother would never give bad advice.
Even then, warning signs were there, even if she ignored the sudden disappearances. Nicks mood swings often: one moment gentle and affectionate, five minutes later grim and rough. He gets jealous of Emilys friends, criticises her clothes, and says he likes women in short skirts and high heels.
Emily heeds her mother and, after six months, gets a stamp in her passport. The first months are honeysweet: romantic dinners, glossy selfies, daily surprises. Then things change.
Nick stops asking what Emily wants. He checks her shopping lists and scolds her for every extra item, even hair dye. He nearly bans her from wearing red lipstick, saying it makes her look like a loose woman.
Both work, but the house falls to Emily. Nick comes home early, always meets her at the door asking whats for dinner, then after the meal he silently retreats to his computer, leaving a mountain of dishes.
Nick, could you at least wash your plates? Emily asks bravely one evening.
What, you dislike looking after me?
Its fine, Im just exhausted.
Im exhausted too. I was at work today.
Emily feels lost. Shes also toiling, but Nick doesnt care. He shrugs, saying his own mother managed everything while raising sons.
What did you expect when you got married? Margaret asks when Emily complains about her husband. A woman must keep up on every front. Families depend on us.
Emily disagrees, but when everyone around agrees, she starts doubting herself.
Time rushes on. Emily gives birth, and everything worsens. To friends they appear a perfect couple; alone they argue over trivialities. Nick does nothing with the baby, convinced a father neednt be involved for the first year. He moves to another room, claiming the crying infant keeps him from getting up for work. When Emily wakes in the night she sometimes finds Nick awake, scrolling on his phone.
Emily tries to talk, but he flatly refuses contact. Your emotions are your problem, he says. If somethings wrong with me, the doors over there. Emily stays calm, explains that shes worried, that shes fighting for their family, not attacking him.
Youre just being unreasonable, Margaret says when Emily shares again. What more do you want? He works, provides, you live in his flat
Emily still convinces herself that, objectively, things are fine; everyone fights sometimes.
Then she discovers Nicks messages on his phone. No explicit photos, but the tone bunnies, sunshine, kittens. A whole virtual zoo sending him good mornings and sweet wishes. The chats are flirtatious, though without hard proof of physical cheating. To Emily, thats betrayal enough.
She cant take it any longer and decides to confront Nick that very day.
Its just cloudtalk, he defends. Colleagues, acquaintances I just talk like that to make people feel good. Its easier to get along that way. Why are you so upset? You should trust me.
Trusting a husband with an entire virtual harem is impossible.
The argument erupts into a fullblown fight; Nick points to the door again, and at one point even swings his hand threateningly. Emily cant walk away, but she hopes her mother will step in, yet
Oh, its just texting just letters. He just needs a bit of attention, youve been home with baby all day. Thats why hes compensating, Margaret tries to soothe her in a matteroffact tone.
Margaret never changes her view, even when Emily tells her a neardangerous moment occurred.
Emily has to pull herself together. When her friends learn shes filing for divorce, theyre stunned; she never complained to them. Yet, to Emilys surprise, the world isnt completely heartless.
One friend hands over a spare key to her flat. She just moved in with a boyfriend, so her place is empty. Another offers money. A third helps with the move.
A few weeks later Emily files for divorce and flees her husband. Her mothers reaction surprises her again.
Good riddance! Hes a tyrant, Margaret blurts out. He didnt like me from the start. Remember I told you decent men dont behave like that?
Emily blinks, confused. Margaret had earlier said she couldnt let such a man go, calling him caring and attentive. Shed said a lot.
Mum werent you the one who tried to stop the divorce?
I didnt know anyone could help you! Where would you have gone? she snaps, then softens. Well, you have me, of course but I have hardly any space, Im almost old, I cant really help. Being a single mother is hard, I know that myself.
Emily finally sees the truth. Her mother changes shoes not out of kindness but because its convenient for her. She bought cheap clothes for her daughter, refused to host friends, urged her not to divorce so she wouldnt return to her own parents with a child in tow
Two years pass. Emily still talks to her mother, but she no longer shares her life or asks for advice. She doesnt visit Margarets house, nor does she let Margaret into hers. Finances are tight, work is hard, but her mind feels lighter.
One day the phone rings.
Emily Ive got a terrible flu, no meds at home, no food. Id love a bowl of soup Could you drop by for an hour?
Emily raises an eyebrow. Visiting a sick mother for an hour while she has a baby? Not very appealing.
Tell me what medicines you need and Ill order them.
Silence follows. Her mother seems to expect a different answer.
I dont need any deliveries, Margaret replies, a hint of irritation. I just wanted to see you. Maybe these are my last days.
Mum Id love to help, but you were right being a single mother is tough. Supplying meds and food is my duty, but being there requires trust. And I dont trust you. Youre a master at changing shoes.
Margaret sighs, mutters weakly, but cant persuade her daughter.
Since then Emily chooses people to trust very carefully. She also tries not to be fooled again, even when she really wants to.
