Before we said goodbye
Alex adored his wife Vicky. He just couldn’t get enough of her. Yet after six years of marriage they still didnt have any kids.
Vicky was seven years younger than Alex. Hed married her right after she turned eighteen, so he figured there was plenty of time ahead for kids. He poured all his energy into building their little nest. First he renovated the flat, then he set about getting a country cottage, a sauna, the whole lot
He bought a mountain of seedlings, exotic plants, and planted ten varieties of strawberries. The star of the garden was the chrysanthemum the cherry on top for Vicky, because she loved that flower. Shed often tell Alex, If you want a lifetime of happiness, grow chrysanthemums. Thats what the old wisdom says. So Alex kept buying new varieties, convinced that a bit of bloom could buy a bit of bliss.
Come October the chrysanthemums really took centre stage. No wonder theyre called the queen of autumn. Purple, pink, white, needleshaped globes carpeted the whole garden. Neighbours walking past would stop dead in their tracks, admiring the spectacle. What a lovely couple, theyd mutter. Everythings thriving for them.
Alex never gave himself a break. Hed work from dawn till dusk, exhausted but determined. Vicky loved to pitch in around the house. He never wanted her to take a job elsewhere part jealousy, part genuine protectiveness, I guess. His motto was husband provides, wife keeps the hearth safe. At first Vicky was thrilled by his handson approach. She cooked elaborate meals, baked delicious cakes, jammed vegetables and made berry compotes. Once the kitchen was done, she turned to crafts knitting stylish jumpers for Alex, beading napkins, even painting pictures.
After a while Vicky started wondering about the future of their tiny family. What was all this for? She didnt need much herself; she just wanted Alex by her side. She could already picture the day Alex would say, Darling, Ive prepared the ground for us to grow our family. And shed have to answer, Sorry, Alex, well never have heirs you know my sister is childless too.
Alex loved Vicky, but that hollow love was heading for a deadend. Eventually hed probably leave her for a more fertile woman. Those thoughts settled over Vicky like a dark cloud, making her feel trapped. She decided the only way out was to cut the knot cleanly, even if it hurt. While were still young, let Alex find someone else and build happiness. Ill just see where life takes me, she thought. By the way, Alex never once scolded Vicky, not a word, not a glance.
Workmates kept nudging Alex about grandchildren. Rumour, as they say, flies faster than a sparrow. At first he joked, We havent solved the flat issue yet. Then he said a country house was needed, then hed snap back, Were fine as we are. There was also a colleague, Irene, who was hopelessly smitten with Alex. She never hid her unrequited love, but she never tried to break up a marriage that would be a sin, shed say. Shed flash a sweet smile, chat warmly, touch his shoulder gently in the mornings, eyes never leaving his face. Alex didnt bother with any of her signals. He was married to his beloved, and Godbless him he had no desire for sideways flings, especially not at work. Vicky knew about Irene (Alex would joke about it) and didnt see her as a rival.
One evening Alex came home to find Vicky missing. The dinner was still warm on the stove, and on the table lay a note. In Vickys neat handwriting it read: Dear Alex, Im sorry we never built the family we dreamed of. Live your life without me. Always yours, Vicky. Alex froze. Six years of devotion, carrying Vicky in his arms, seeing only her that was his whole world. He imagined his perfectly arranged flat, the cosy cottage, the fragrant garden If Vicky was gone for good, there was nothing left to chase. He thought, A wife runs away, shoes flying off. What does she lack? People live without kids, they manage. He sighed heavily, realizing hed have to move on. He shut himself off, walked around with a gloomy, silent air, convinced hed never find another woman to fill the void. Life seemed colourless.
Ten years later Alex got an urgent work assignment. No tickets were left, so he had to buy a lastminute rail ticket to the north. The train was pulling away, he leapt onto the carriage, gasped for breath, found his compartment and opened the door. Good evening, he said to a woman looking out the window. She turned. Vicky? Is that you? Alex stumbled into a chair, shocked. Alex? she replied, not recognising him at first. They fell into each others arms like longlost siblings, standing there silent, stunned by the years that had slipped by.
Vicky asked, Tell me everything, Alex! Hows the family? Kids? Alex, blushing, muttered, Well Im still married. Remember Irene? My wife. We have two daughters now. He tried to sound apologetic. Vicky laughed, Ive got a husband and two boys. I dove into marriage like it was a river, trying to escape myself. Everythings calm for me now. My husbands a senior manager, we moved to Manchester. Im happy, even if Im far from you. I once stood at your doorstep, cried, then left. Bridges are burnt, you cant gather spilled water. But I still love you, Alex, to the bone. I dream of you often.
Alex sighed, Life scattered us. If you ever call, Ill drop everything and come. Vicky shook her head, I wont, I cant hurt my husband. Hes good to me, loves our boys, wishes for a daughter, treats me like a queen. That respect means more than any romance. Hes the heart of my soul. She added, But tonight Ill give you the night I want to feel your breath, die in your touch, tear my soul apart This fairy night will be enough for a lifetime. She breathed out, a mix of relief and joy.
Morning came, the train slowed at the station. Vicky straightened herself, eager to reunite with her family. Alex watched her preparations, feeling a pang of jealousy as if shed spent a sleepless night craving the same passion hed imagined. The platform was buzzing. Vicky kissed Alex on the cheek, waved at her waiting family, and ran to a tall man holding two boys and a huge bouquet of white chrysanthemums. She embraced them, turned, caught Alexs eye and whispered, Goodbye, love. Alex gave a slow nod, stepped out of the carriage, and watched the family disappear down the platform, thinking, Thats it, Alex. They say happiness cant be forced. Time to move on.
Nine months later Vicky gave birth to a little sister for her sons. Her husband was over the moon.
