You know, Emma said to her daughter, choosing her words carefully. Grownups can be pretty daft sometimes. Even dafter than kids.
Dad doesnt want to introduce me to the aunt hes seeing, does he? Lucy asked quietly.
I dont think its that he doesnt want to. Maybe theyre still figuring out how to sort things out, or maybe Aunt Claires shy.
Why would she be shy? Im not scary.
Well, other peoples kids always feel like a responsibility. Not everyones ready for that.
Emma was standing in the hallway, watching Lucy scramble to get ready for her dads visit.
Lucys phone buzzed. She snatched it up, her face lighting up for a split second.
Not coming? Emma asked.
He said works swamped, Lucy muttered without looking up. Next time.
Right. Get dressed.
Emma slipped into the kitchen, not saying more than she needed. She filled the kettle and turned it on. The low hiss of boiling water drowned out her thoughts.
Itd been eight years since the divorce, and David was still a champion at killing the mood.
The first three years of their marriage had felt like a fairytale: random bouquets, breakfast in bed, little gifts. Emma thought shed hit the jackpot.
When she got pregnant, David would carry her around on his shoulders. But in the delivery room the first call came, and she brushed it off.
The doctor was filling out Lucys baby card. David stood nearby, pale and nervous, watching the birth.
Whats her blood type? the new dad asked.
Shes got a second negative, the doctor said matteroffactly.
David frowned.
Hows that? he asked, his voice cracking a bit. My first is positive. Emmas second is positive. Wheres the minus coming from? Did we mix something up?
The doctor pushed up his glasses, rubbed his nose.
Remember school biology, love. The Rh factor can be tricky. If both of you carry a hidden negative gene, the baby can end up negative. Its normal.
Are you sure? David squinted. No mistake?
Tests dont lie.
David called Emma a hundred times after that, asking why it turned out that way. She sent him the doctors explanation over and over. He seemed to calm down, but
The trouble started right after they left the hospitalDavid changed.
Hes diabetic, and Emma had always watched his diet, reminded him about insulin. Suddenly he started acting like a teenager whod just gotten his drivers licence.
Im off to football, he shouted, grabbing his bag.
Dave, which match? Your sugars spiking; the doctor said you need a routine. Emma protested.
Dont start, alright? Im a man, I need to move. Your caring is suffocating me.
Hed come home late. One night he staggered in, face pale, sweat drippinghypoglycaemia.
Emma, ignoring Lucys sleepy whine, ran around with juice and glucose tablets.
Where have you been? she asked as he finally steadied himself.
Told you I was at football. Ran a bit.
Till two in the morning?
We just sat and talked. Youre starting again? Itll be fine.
Emma believed him, or at least wanted to. She sat alone, soothing Lucys tiny hands, convincing herself it was just a phase, that he was tired.
She thought once Lucy grew up everything would settle
It never did. The phone started ringing in the evenings former colleagues from the accounts department, managers. Emma had been friendly with everyone while she was still working.
Emma, hi, you busy? one voice asked.
Hey, all good. Whats up? Emma replied.
Just checking in. By the way, is David staying late at the office tonight? the other said.
Probably. Why?
Well Katie giggled. Dont think Im saying anything naughty, but hes hanging out with a new girl, Verity, all night, laughing.
Theyre practically inseparable. I saw them holding each others waists
Emma felt her fingers go cold.
Katie, cut it. Maybe its just a work project. Emma said, trying to stay calm.
She hung up, blowing a sigh. She told herself David loved her; he was just very sociable. She brushed off the gossip, joked with friends, tried to act confident about her husband.
Inside, anxiety grew. A year and a half after Lucy was born, everything collapsed.
Emma got invited to a big company party. Her parents agreed to look after Lucy.
She put on a dress that, in her mind, hid the postbirth stretch marks, did her makeup, hoping for a night where shed feel part of a world beyond nappies and porridge.
She went with David, but he vanished into the crowd almost immediately.
Im off to say hello to the crew, he shouted and disappeared.
Emma chatted with colleagues, smiled at compliments, but kept scanning for David. An hour passed, then two. He was nowhere.
She started looking around the venue, the lounge, the hallempty. She checked a quieter corridor near the side exit and saw them right away. They werent kissing that would have been obvious they were just standing in the shadow behind a huge ficus. The same coworker was whispering in Davids ear, her fingers grazing his jacket lapel.
David leaned his head onto the womans shoulder, smiling the same way he used to smile at Emma.
They looked like schoolkids caught sneaking off. Emma froze, feeling as if an icecold bucket had been dumped over her head. Her breath caught.
She didnt cause a scene or scream. She turned, walked to the exit, called a cab and drove straight to Lucys place.
David came back early the next morning.
Why did you leave? he asked, pulling his tie tight. I was looking for you.
Emma looked at him, realizing there was nothing left to say.
I saw you two, behind the ficus. she said.
He paused, then waved it off.
Oh, what? We were just talking. Youre imagining things, Emma. Youre being paranoid.
No need, she whispered. Just dont.
For a month she moved around like she was in a fog. Being in the same flat became physically painful.
When he finally packed his things and left, saying he needed space because Im too nervous, the apartment felt lighter. The divorce went through quickly. David vanished from her radar.
He didnt call at all for a whole year. Lucy, two and a half, would sometimes ask, Wheres Daddy?, and Emma would calmly answer, Hes at work. She wasnt lying, just not telling the whole truth.
Her mum helped with Lucy, and Emma went back to work, grinding hard so she wouldnt rely on anyone. She managed, earned enough, kept her own flat, even went on a holiday once.
She never claimed child support didnt want to chase him, didnt want the paperwork, didnt want to feel humiliated. Pride? Maybe a touch of disgust.
Then one evening David called.
Im Dad now, he said. I have a right to see my child.
Emma didnt block him. Fine, come Saturday, she told him. He started turning up sporadically, paying for Lucys ballet and piano lessons. It was his way of ticking the good dad box he never really got involved, just tried to buy his way back in.
Lucy adored him. To her, he was the fun dad: gifts, movies, cafés. What more does a child need?
Emma took a philosophical view at least Lucy had some father figure.
One afternoon Lucy trotted into the kitchen in a plain Tshirt, eyes a little red.
Mum, why does he keep promising and never doing it? she asked softly.
Whats that, love? Emma replied.
He says hell… Lucy trailed off.
Emma sighed.
People are different, Lucy. Hes not doing it on purpose, just cant plan.
He said its my fault, Lucy blurted out.
Emma froze, cup in hand.
What?
He said on the phone, Your mums always mixing up plans, so he cant meet you.
Emma set her cup down slowly. Well thats something, she thought.
Lucy, Emma looked straight into her daughters eyes. Did I ever stop you from seeing your dad?
No.
Did I ever speak badly about him?
Lucy shook her head.
No.
Then decide for yourself who to believe facts or words.
The whole new aunt saga had been going on for six months. Lucy once came home from a weekend with dad and said:
Dad lives with Aunt Claire. Shes pretty, Ive seen photos. They have a cat.
Emma just shrugged. He lives where he lives. She didnt care, but Lucy was keen to meet her.
Mum, I want to be friends with her. Dad says shes nice. Lucy pleaded.
Emma rang David.
Dave, Lucy knows about your girlfriend. She wants to meet her. What do you think? Emma asked.
There was a pause.
I dont know, David mumbled. Maybe later. Im not sure.
Later stretched into a month. One day hed say hed introduce Lucy, the next day hed back out.
She really wants to meet you! hed promised a week ago. Lets do a park outing or pizza.
Sure, Emma agreed, telling Lucy to set a date.
And another cancellation.
Emma stepped onto the balcony, needing a private chat. David finally answered, his voice sounding annoyed, a song playing faintly in the background.
Hello, Emma, Im busy, what do you want? he said.
Busy? she repeated. You just told Lucy you were swamped at work, but I hear music. Are you at the pub?
Im at a meeting, he snapped. I deserve a break, right?
Fine, just dont lie to the kid. And dont blame me for your missed plans.
Whos to blame? David retorted. Youre always micromanaging. What time you pick her up, what time you drop her off. Youre suffocating me.
Claires scared to get involved because youre unreasonable.
Unreasonable? Emma laughed. Dave, lets stick to facts. Lucy waited an hour, you called at the last minute. Is that my fault?
Or maybe Claire just doesnt want to meet your child, and youre too cowardly to admit it?
Dont talk about Claire like that! he shouted. She wants to! Its just circumstances!
What circumstances? The fifth time now?
David, stop playing games with the girl. If your lady isnt ready to meet a stepchild, thats her choice. But have the guts to tell Lucy the truth instead of making up excuses.
You always make things complicated, he muttered, hanging up.
That night, after Lucy fell asleep, Emma replayed the conversation in her head. She was fed up smoothing things over. She typed a message to David:
From now on, any arrangements go through me, at least a days notice. If you promise Lucy something and cancel the same day, there wont be another meeting for a month. I wont let you turn her into a nervous wreck. If you want to introduce her to Claire, set a concrete date, time and place. If Claire isnt interested, we close that chapter. Ill explain to Lucy myself. No more later or maybe. Good night.
He replied within a minute, exactly as shed expected:
Whatever. Those meetings are more for you than for me.
Emma finally told David he could only see Lucy after the court settled everything. He didnt bother suing too much time and money. The new girlfriend didnt really want to meet a stepdaughter either.
Lucy suffered, but Emma did everything she could to make sure her daughter didnt feel shortchanged.
