I’ve given you a son, but I want nothing from you, the lover whispered over the line.
Colin stared at Laura with the look of a dog that had been trampled.
You heard right, Laura. Six months ago I had someone else.
Just a few casual meetings, nothing serious.
She gave birth to a boy just a few weeks ago.
Laura’s head swirled. The news hit like a sudden storm.
Her faithful, loving husband had fathered a child on the side.
The words drummed in her mind like a broken drumbeat.
She spent minutes trying to untangle what Colin meant. He sat opposite her, shoulders slumped, hands clasped between his knees, looking as if the very air had been sucked out of him.
So a son, then? Laura repeated, voice trembling. A married man has a son and it wasnt his wife who bore him. Not me
Laura, I swear I didnt know. I swear.
You didnt know how babies are made? Youre forty, Colin.
I didnt know shed decide to have a child. Wed broken up long ago; she went to her husband. I thought everything was settled.
And then the call: Your sons been born. Three hundred pounds. Hes healthy. The line clicked dead.
Laura rose, legs shaky, knees feeling like cushions after a marathon. Outside, autumn raged, wind tearing at the trees. She couldnt help but stare at the bleak beauty beyond the window.
And now? she asked without turning.
I dont know.
A perfect answer from a proper English bloke. I dont know.
She snapped around.
Are you going there? To see?
Colin, blushing, lifted his eyes to hers.
Laura, she sent the hospital address, said the discharge is the day after tomorrow. She wrote: Come if you want, dont come if you dont. I need nothing from you.
Proud
Nothing from me, Laura echoed, her voice a hollow chant. Pure innocence.
The front door slammed as the older siblings trudged back in. Laura forced a smile in an instantyears in retail had taught her to keep a face even when deals fell apart.
A tall, broadshouldered boy, twenty, popped into the kitchen.
Oh, mum and dad, hello. Why so sour?
Mum, is there food? Were starving after the gym.
There are some pasties in the fridge, heat them up, Laura tossed out.
Dad, you promised to look at the carburettor on the old Rover, the younger brother nudged their fathers shoulder.
Laura watched the scene, her heart tightening until breathing felt painful. Their father figure had vanished into fog years before, leaving only sporadic alimony and postcards. Colin had stepped in, teaching them to drive, bandaging scraped knees, attending school meetings, solving problems. He was their real dad, the genuine article.
Colin forced a grin.
Ill have a look, Sam. Later. Let Mum have a word first.
The lads left, plates clattering behind them.
They love you, Laura murmured. And you
Laura, stop. I love them too. Theyre my lads. Im not going anywhere.
I told you from the start it was a haze, a mistake. Nothing serious happened between us. Just a fling!
Just a fling, and now I have to change diapers
Sixyearold Molly burst into the room, cracking Lauras composure. She leapt onto Colins knee.
Daddy! Why are you sad? Did Mum scold you?
Colin pressed her close, his nose almost touching her bright curls. He lived for that moment. Laura knew hed move mountains for Molly; it was a fierce, allconsuming paternal love.
No, princess, were just talking grownup things. Go on, put on cartoons, Ill be right back.
When Molly ran off, silence settled over the kitchen again.
Do you realise everythings changing? Laura asked, sitting back down.
I wont leave, Laura. I love you, the kids I cant live without you
Those are sweet words, Colin. But facts are harsher: youve got a son. He needs a dad.
That woman, shes now saying I need nothing. Its hormones, euphoria, or a clever plot. In a month or six the child will fall ill, grow, demand money. Shell call: Colin, weve no winter coat, or Colin, we need a doctor. And youll go. Youre kind, youre conscientious.
Colin stayed silent.
And the money, Colin? Laura lowered her voice. Where will you get it?
He flinched as if struck. His business had collapsed two years ago; debts were being paid with Lauras money. He now earned a pittance compared to what she provided: the house, the cars, holidays, the childrens schoolingall on her shoulders. He didnt even have a personal bank card; everything was frozen, he used cash or a card linked to Lauras account.
Ill find it, he muttered.
How? Taxi at night? Or will you raid my cupboard to help that other family?
Can you picture the absurdity? I fund the household, and you fund a mistress with a baby you never met?
She isnt a mistress! Colin shouted. It ended half a year ago!
A child ties people tighter than any passport stamp. Will you go to the discharge?
The question hung in the air. Colins hands covered his face.
I dont know, Laura. Honestly. Humanly I should. The childs innocent.
Humanly, Laura smiled wryly. And humanly towards me? Towards Molly? Towards the boys?
Youll go, see the bundle, hold it, and that will be it. Youll start travelling, first weekly, then twice, then weekends. Youll lie that work swallows you, while we sit waiting.
Laura stood, turned the tap on, watched the water stream, then turned it off.
Shes eight years younger, Colin. Shes thirtytwo. She gave you a sonyour own flesh and blood.
My boys arent yours, even if you raised them. That child is yours. Do you think it wont change anything?
Youre talking nonsense. The boys are mine; I raised them.
Oh, drop it! Men always want an heir, their own.
We have Molly!
Mollys a girl
Colin sprang up.
Enough! Why are you pushing me before Im ready? I said I stay with the family, but I cant be two homes at once.
A living child was born. My own. Im guilty, Im guilty everywhere. Kick me out if you like. Ill pack and leave tomorrow. Ill go to Mums, to a hostel, anywhere. But dont blackmail me!
Laura froze, a sudden terror gripping her. If she said Leave now, he would vanish, proud and ruined, drifting to a place where hed be taken in as a saviour, a father, even if penniless. Then she would lose him forever. She still loved him despite the sting, and his children loved him too. You can break a man in a minute, but rebuilding a house of emptiness takes a lifetime.
Sit down, she whispered. No ones chasing you.
Colin lingered a breath longer, then sank into the chair.
Laura, forgive me. Im a fool
Fool, she agreed. But our fool
The evening dissolved into a fog. Laura graded Mollys spelling, checked work reports, yet her thoughts drifted. She imagined the other womanbeautiful? Young? Probably staring at her baby, thinking shed won. She needs nothing, shed say, the smartest move. Deny, dont argue, just show: We have a son, well manage. It strikes a mans pride hard; he wants to be the hero.
Colin tossed, sighed, slept in fragments, while Laura lay awake, eyes fixed on the dark. She was fortyfive, still attractive, successful, but age was closing in. Somewhere, youth lingered
***
Morning came worse. Laura could not pull herself together. The boys ate quickly and ran off to their jobs, while Molly threw a tantrum.
Daddy, braid my hair! she demanded. Mum does it badly.
Colin fetched a comb. His large hands, used to steering wheels and hammers, gently worked through the fine strands, tongue peeking out in concentration. Laura sipped coffee, watching. Here was her husband, warm, domestic, yet elsewhere a child also claimed his right.
Colin, she said as Molly fled to dress, we need a decision now.
He set the comb down.
I thought about it all night.
And?
I wont go to the discharge.
Laura felt something tighten inside, but she showed no crack.
Why?
Because if I go, I give hope to her, to the baby, to myself. I cant be a father to two houses. I dont want to lie to you, to steal time from Molly and the boys. I chose eleven years ago: youre my wife, this is my family.
What about the other boy? Laura asked, surprised she even asked.
Ill pay financially. Through child support, a separate account. But I wont visit. Better he grows up not knowing me than waiting for a dad on weekends. Its fairer.
Laura turned her wedding ring over a finger.
Are you sure? You wont regret it?
Ill regret, yes. Ill wonder how hes doing. But if I start going, Ill lose you all.
He felt her strength, not steel but something pliable. Hed hate her, and she didnt want that.
Money, you say? Laura smirked crookedly.
Ill earn it. Ill scrape together, but I wont ask you for another penny.
Laura calmed. The words shed feared were finally spoken. She wasnt planning to share a partner; she cared little for the other womans feelings. Shed given birth to a child of a married manher problem.
***
Colin didnt go to the discharge. The other woman, after half a year of screaming on the phone, vanished. She never called again; her line stayed dead. Laura felt a twisted relief.
