Forget me forever
Forget you ever had a daughter, she said, as if she had cut the words cleanly, my daughter Emily.
Everything was racing toward that moment. I felt sorry for both my girl and my exhusband. We were thought of as a respectable family, a place of love, understanding, support. In an instant it all collapsed.
Emily had just turned fifteen, that awkward age. And then her father left for another woman! How could she grasp, accept? And Emily slipped down a steep slope. Sketchy companies, dubious boys, cheap gin
I, too, was bewildered. What should I do with the husband who returned? Throw him out or forgive him? Forgive, but how to live on, suspecting everything No answers.
My James knew how to love.
Wed known each other from the school bench. He courted with flair, could astonish and delight. I fell for him entirely. No other man ever entered my mind. James, and only James! My parents approved, saying no better soninlaw could be found.
We threw a spectacular wedding, one that would linger in memory forever. Then the ordinary days began. James always tried to brighten them. One evening I came home from work to find our bedroom strewn with rose petals. I stared, then kissed his cheek.
Whats the occasion? I asked.
Remember, Ellie? he laughed, recalling the day hed taken the seat beside me in class, the moment we truly got to know each other. Dont be silly! I brushed him off, yet my heart sang. He remembered the tiniest moments. Thats my husbandpure gold.
He returned from a business trip with a mountain of face creams.
Ellie, I was briefed on every jar, every tube of scrub. Ill tell you everything. Put away the pans and pots. I need a pampered wife, not a kitchen maid James settled me on the sofa beside him.
Time passed, and James remained gentle, caring, attentive. I was proud of him. Emily adored him too.
We ran a joint family business that flourished. We never denied ourselves anything. In short, we lived and enjoyed.
Then we had to move to another city, the capital, for better prospects. We left all our possessions behind and set out to conquer new horizons. Things fell into place almost as if they were already arranged. The business grew, expanded. We met a sharpwitted businesswoman, Claire, who owned her own firm. A partnership blossomed. Had I known how it would end, I would never have turned my head toward her.
At that time everything seemed bright and marvelous. James and I decided to enlarge our family, planning a second child. Foolish, perhaps
One day Emily came home from school, hesitant, and asked:
Mum, is Dad really on a business trip?
Of course, why would there be any other reason? I answered, clueless.
Just that Lucy saw him in the supermarket. She must have been mistaken, Emily retreated to her room.
I thought about it. Lucy, Emilys friend, couldnt confuse James with anyone else. Lucy was a frequent visitor to our house.
I called Lucy.
Hello, Lucy! How are you? Did you see Uncle Jamie in the supermarket today? I cant get a hold of him I asked innocently.
Yes, Aunt Ellie, I did. Uncle Jamie was with a woman. They were hugging and laughing loudly Lucy described the scene in vivid colours.
Meanwhile James was, in fact, five days away on a trip
I decided to wait for the story to unfold.
Three days later James returned, tired but cheerful.
How was the trip? I began, trying to tighten the screws of suspicion.
Fine, he replied shortly.
I know everything, James! There was no trip! Youre lying! I burst out.
Why would you think that, Ellie? James defended himself.
We have witnesses to your naked lie, I pressed.
Ellie, why not feed your husband on the road and then waste your anger on me? James turned it into a joke.
I wanted it to be a joke, a coincidence, nonsense! Yet the truth pressed down, undeniable. How could I have missed my beloved husband, failed to watch over him? A silence hung between us, tension, misunderstanding.
Emily sensed the strain. Children sense the shifts between parents instantly.
I didnt want to interrogate James, to rummage through dirty laundry. Let whatever happen happen. He wouldnt abandon the family knowing I was pregnant.
But the unthinkable happened. An ambulance whisked me to the hospital, and I emerged without the baby. A miscarriage. The doctor blamed the stress. I felt like a bare electric wire.
Jamess hands untied. He soon left for Claire. Id even say he fled with a sprightly step.
Emily and I were left alone, grieving, the ground slipping from under our feet, the world wobbling. I didnt want to live. If it werent for Emily, I would have said goodbye to life.
But I imagined Emily suffering alone, her fragile heart crushed. That thought kept me from ending it. Emily, seeing my despair, stayed by me. We grew closer in those hard times.
Emilys nocturnal wanderings ceased; she became quiet, her purpose to rescue her mother.
I had to relearn how to live, breathe, talk to people.
Two years later my former husband turned up. I could not look at him; he repulsed me. The pain James had inflicted on Emily and me was unforgivable. I let the wayward husband back into the house. What would he say? What would he bring? Now only Emily connected us, nothing else. Everything slipped away like water through sand, leaving no trace.
We stood, silent, strangers to each other.
How are you doing, Ellie? James asked, an odd question.
And whats it to you? Why bring up the past? Missing me? I retorted with a smile.
Is Emily home? perhaps he hoped to find solace in his daughter.
Emily reluctantly emerged, folded her arms, stared at her father with disdain.
Emily, darling, forgive me, please! James pleaded, looking pitiful.
Forget you ever had a daughter! Emily shouted back to her room.
Shall I repeat? I mocked my exhusband.
James left.
Our mutual acquaintances later told me that Jamess former lover had taken all his business, leaving him penniless. Thats why he kept coming back, hoping for forgiveness and acceptance.
Three years passed.
Emily was at university, I worked for a large firm. We lived peacefully, without passion or turmoil. Calm seas.
I began to dream again, planning impossible futures. I imagined Emily marrying a good man, me retiring comfortably, perhaps buying a kitten or a puppy and caring for it tenderly. What else did I need for happiness? I was thirtyseven then.
Fate smiled on me.
Delegations from Italy often visited my company. One Italian delegate, Luca, began to shower me with unmistakable attention. He surrounded me with such care, complimenting me constantly, laying out green vines before me. I surrendered to the allure.
Honestly, I was taken with this unconventional Italian. Intelligent, strikingly handsome, courteous. Soon we married.
Luca won over my parents. At first they were shocked by a foreign soninlaw, but Luca charmed them with Italian dishes, sharp jokes, and invitations to his home in Florence. They gave their blessing.
My daughters approval mattered too. I was about to move to Italy with Luca. Emily, seeing me radiant and in love, gave her consent.
Mum and Luca, may you both be forever happy! she said.
In time, Emily forgave her wayward father and even invited him to her own wedding
