Danny, Danny, get upMollys crying again!
I could feel little Sam tugging at the cuff of my tshirt, but I just couldnt force my eyes open. I was so exhausted I could have shouted at my brother, then buried my head under the pillow and slipped back into that warm darkness. And I hoped I wouldnt dream at all, because the same nightmare kept popping up: my dad sitting on the front step of Grandmas cottage, patting my head and saying,
Howre you, son? Rough night? Im sorry for everything I didnt mean for it to be like this. Mollys crying again You?
I snapped out of that halfsleep and almost tumbled off the bed. Mollys scream was loud enough to jerk me fully awake. Sam was perched on his own bed, watching his older brother try to disentangle himself from the blankets.
Been bawling long? I asked, smoothing my uncut hair, and shuffled over to Mollys little cot. Youre the loudest one! Why are you shouting? Mum isnt home yet. Shell be back in the morning. Come here!
Mollys face was already turning a deep red from the shouting. I lifted her out of the cot, gave Sam a nod, and he hurried over with a fresh nappy, pressing the baby close to him.
You smell lovely, youre doing great! Just a little quieter, okay? Not everyone in the flat has heard you yet. Ill sort it out, hang on a sec.
She quieted a touch when she heard my familiar voice, and in a few minutes she was happily sucking on the bottle Id prepared.
Greedy little thing! I kissed her forehead, the same little gesture Id used a hundred times before, not even needing a thermometer to check for a fever. Couldnt wait for Mum? Well, shell be tired when she gets back, and weve got to hold the fort. Finish your bottle and well try to get some more sleep while we can. Hey, Sam! I turned to my brother with a grin. Youre the good onealready asleep, unlike us, right, Molly?
Molly, now half a year old, gave one more little suck and let go of her dummy. I carefully slung her over my shoulder so she wouldnt start wailing again, then started pacing the room, rubbing her back.
Good job, love. Now we can get you back to the cot.
I checked the clock.
Should I stay in bed? I still had an A in biology and a D in physics waiting for me. I was to blameI shouldve been paying attention in physics instead of playing Battleship with Val on the lesson. Stupid move. But Id have to face the teachers questions now. I needed to review a couple of paragraphs before the parentteacher night in two weeks. I didnt want Mum to blush because of my grades. Shed been on my case yesterday already!
Danny! This wont do! Youre always late! One more slip and youll be in the headteachers office!
I wish I could explain that Im not late because Im lazy, but because Mum sometimes gets held up at work. So I end up looking after Molly while rushing Sam to nursery. You cant just leave kids home alone, right? Mum would have a fit. If Dad were still around, none of this would be such a mess. Mum would be at home with us, not scrambling to keep us from being evicted from the flat weve been renting since Grandma kicked us out.
I didnt want to think about Grandma. I didnt know what sparked the fights with Mum, but I guessed it was her sharp tongue. After the funeral shed shown up, waited for Mum to usher the kids out, then launched a tirade.
Its all your fault! You bred a whole bunch of kids like a rabbit, and what could we do? Work like slaves! My heart cant take this! Do you have any conscience? My son is gone because of you! You!
I erupted, stormed out of the room, ignored Mums tears as she tried to stop me, and confronted Grandma.
Dont speak like that! You dont know anything! Dont insult Mum! Dad loved usMolly, Sam, you. He wanted them, not Mums nagging. Youre always shouting, whats the point of coming back? Were not living with you anymore, so dont come around!
Grandmas stare was hard, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to find words. Finally she muttered,
Youre still too young to raise your voice at me
Now theres nobody to stand up for Mum. I wont let anyone hurt her, got that?
She looked over my head at Mum, a strange, sad look, then shook her head and left, promising never to return. I sometimes spot her around town and pretend I dont see her. She always watches from a distance, never saying a word. Im scared she might turn up when Im not homeMum cant handle extra stress. After Dad died she couldnt even breastfeed Molly. If she keeps crying all the time, things will only get worse. I know how bad it can get.
It reminded me of Polly from flat 43her mum was an alcoholic, neighbours complained, the council got involved, and Polly ended up in a childrens home. I once snuck into that home with a few lads; the fence was flimsy, we watched Polly being taken out for a walk, she wailed, and I tried to comfort her with the sweets Mum had bought for Sam and me. Her mum didnt scold her; she patted her head and said she was proud of her son. But I still felt useless.
Mum doesnt drink, but you never know what excuses people find. Aunt May, the neighbour, keeps complaining about Mollys cries. What can I do? Shes still a babyher tummy hurts, her teeth are coming in. The doctor said she already has three teeth, and she even gave Sam a little bite that almost drew blood. Strong teeth, strong future, right? Now shes chewing everything she can get her paws on. Yesterday she fell asleep clutching Sams stuffed rabbit, Bunny, with his long ears. Sam first got mad, then gave up and didnt even whine. I think he just realised the rabbit was more important to Molly than his mood.
The alarm chirped softly, and I switched it off. Time to get ready. I have school, Sams nursery, and Mum will be in a minute, so I need to sort breakfast for everyone.
Just as I was finishing the sandwiches, the front door clicked, and Mum stepped in, shedding her old coat. She wrapped her arms around my cheeks, looked straight into my eyes and said,
Morning, my knight!
Morning, my queen! I replied, our little secret greeting ever since I dug up Walter Scott novels on the dusty shelf.
Hows it going?
Molly screamed again last night. Gave her a bottle and a dab of teething gel. She settled.
New tooth?
Not yet, but the gums swollen. No fever.
Good. Danny, what would I do without you?
Mum I saw Grandma again yesterday.
She froze, fingers digging into the kitchen towel.
Did she say anything? Did you talk?
No. She was standing by our block, looking at the windows. When I got close, she turned and walked away.
Mum gave a small nod, then sighed, realizing I hadnt seen her face. She lifted my chin, catching my gaze.
Dont be angry with her, okay? Shes complicated, but shes still your grandma. Even if she doesnt like me, were all her grandchildren you, Sam, and little Molly.
Then why does she keep shouting that there are too many of us?
Love, darling, she said, sinking into a chair, some people think the only right way to live is the way theyve lived. They think age and experience give them a licence to judge. Maybe thats partly true, but it also means they forget how we learn our own lessons.
It never makes sense to them!
Exactly! She smiled, looking at me as if shed just realized how fast time flies. You were like Sam not long ago, and now youre in Year7. Youre growing up fast, love.
She brushed my cheek, then asked,
If you see Grandma again, dont argue. If she wants to say something, just listen, then decide what to do. And forget what she said yesterday you know what I mean? Grief can make people say awful things. Its not because theyre evil, just because theyre hurting.
I didnt fully get it, but I knew she was being kind. I glanced at the clock and leapt up.
Blimey! Miss Thompson will eat me for being late again! Im already missing the first lesson!
Off to the second then! Mum grabbed my old tee and pulled me to the table. You havent even had breakfast!
No time, Mum!
Dont worry, school will still be there. Youll be fine!
I shoved the plate of sandwiches aside and bolted out, clutching Sams hand as he bounced ahead.
Danny, Danny, will you play with me tonight?
Sure thing.
Can you teach me to draw a motorbike?
Ill show you.
And a car?
And a car.
Sam! Ill teach you anything, just shut your mouth cause its freezing out there and hurry up, okay?
Got it!
Sams excitement about having me all evening made me stay quiet, only glancing at Dannys serious face now.
Danny, are you mad? Sam asked.
I blinked.
No. Why do you think?
Youre quiet, eyes all… like checkers, the black round ones.
Just lost in thought. Run along, dont dawdle. I wont tell Mum. Ill sort it out myself.
Youll put me in a corner? Sam asked, eyes wide.
I wont teach you how to draw a car!
No need! Sam waved his hands. Ill behave if Nat doesnt pour water in my bed again. Then well draw the car tomorrow, okay?
Dont hurt girls.
Nat isnt a girl! Shes a troublemaker!
Still, you cant.
We never know what Molly will grow into. She might turn nasty and the lads at nursery could pick on her. Then what?
Fight? Sam raised his eyebrows.
Who? I was puzzled.
Not Molly! he snapped. The boys!
Ah! Thats a different story. Dad always said fights start with strange people. Good folks think before they act.
I tugged Sams sweater over his shirt and nudged him toward the nursery door.
Off you go! Ill see you later!
Why not Mum?
Mums leaving early for work. The shop is busy with the holidays coming up.
Right. Sam gave a serious nod. He knew Mum worked as a nightshift stock clerk at the big supermarket. Wed gone with him once; Sam was terrified of getting lost among the aisles, so he clutched my hand tight. Back then Molly wasnt born yet, Mum was just waiting, and Dad was still alive Sams nose twitched at the thought, and he turned his head, searching for Nat. He didnt want to be teased for crying, so he kept his mouth shut.
Miss Thompsons lecture later that day left me with a list of my achievements, both real and imagined. She handed me a box of BirdsMilk chocolates.
Tea, Danny? the headmistress asked.
I stared at her, wideeyed, then nodded.
Youre late not because you want to be, she said.
Right. I croaked.
Helping Mum?
I gave a small nod.
Mollys still tiny, its hard for you. But youre already acting like an adult.
Danny, youre practically a man now. Im proud of you. Just try to be on time, alright? And dont worry about Miss ThompsonIll talk to her.
She smiled, placing a tea cup in front of me.
Hungry?
No, we had breakfast.
Youve been eating a lot, youll burn through the house! she joked.
I chuckled, feeling a little lighter.
Later, Sams classmates gathered around the office, peppering me with questions, but I brushed them off. I settled on the hallway windowsill with my physics textbook, trying to finish the paragraph Id missed this morning. The teacher had said my ears would light up like Christmas lights if I kept at it.
Back home, I helped Mum tidy up, and after putting Molly down for a nap, I tackled my maths. Sam would be back later, wanting to draw cars and bikes, and the weather was turning grimVal was already fuming that Id missed the football with the lads again. With the holidays approaching, Mums shift at the supermarket was getting hectic. Her friend Aunt Annie had helped her land the job, and the pay was decent for a nightshift worker.
Mum tucked Molly in and rushed off to work. Sam, happy, doodled in his sketchbook while I finally finished biology and was about to start algebra when a strange smell hit the kitchen. The stove was off, but the odour grew stronger. Sensing something was wrong, I sprinted to the hallway, grabbed Sams coat and boots, and shouted,
Sam, dress quick!
I rummaged for Mums paperworkshe always said the most important thing was to keep the documents safethen for Mollys tiny overalls. I pulled the sleepy little girl from her cot, commanding,
Out, now!
Sam, confused, started toward the door, but I grabbed his arm again.
Hold onto my pocket, okay? Keep tight, dont get lost.
The buildings entrance doors were already slamming shut, neighbours shouting in confusion. I didnt stop to answer; I raced down the stairs, pulling Mollys hat over her head. She woke up, wailing like an alarm.
Outside, I put some distance between us and the block, and sat on a bench by the playground. Thats when I spotted the source of the smella fire blazing in the flat across the courtyard, belonging to Pols mother. The fire engines roared in, lights flashing. Molly stared wideeyed at the fire trucks, while Sam clung to me, terrified. I tried to calm him,
Its okay, love. Mum will be told. I forgot my phone at home, but we can wait here.
Mum burst onto the scene in light boots, hair blowing, shouting my name.
Danny!
Her cry cut through the chaos, even the firefighters paused. It meant one thingsomeone might still be inside.
A lanky boy emerged from the smoke, holding a baby. The fire chief waved us off, saying everything was under control.
Mum knelt, hugging both of us, tears mixing with the cold air. I finally saw Grandma standing a few metres away, hair disheveled, eyes red.
Mum I started.
What is it, love? she asked, wrapping Molly in a neighbours coat.
She turned toward me, eyes flicking to Grandma, who was now standing barefoot, shivering.
Zoe please, lets go home, she whispered, voice trembling.
Grandmas gaze softened.
Alright, dear. Lets get you all warm.
She led us to a nearby café, offering tea and raspberry jam, insisting we didnt catch a cold.
Mum, still shaking, thanked us all, and we headed back to the flat. I glanced at my watch, then at Sam, who was rubbing his eyes.
Weve got to get you fed, Molly. Shell throw a concert if we dont.
Mum gave me a tired smile.
Thanks, Danny. Youve been a lifesaver today.
I nodded, feeling the weight of the day lift a little. The fire had reminded me just how fragile everything can be, but also how strong we can be when we stick together.
