The husband tried to push the memory away, and his wife kept silent, as if saying, You know I know you know. She caught her bewildered partner in a halflit hallway, and that was enough; a man weighed down by guilt proved easy to steer. She was cleverMargaret, as everyone called her. Her eyes were endless green pits, the kind no one had ever seen before or since; a glance fell into them and vanished, swallowed by that abyss.
James fell for Emily the moment their paths crossed, irrevocably, instantly. She arrived late to a lecture, slipping into a room already buzzing, and later they discovered they were in the same tutorial group. Nothing in his world had ever felt like this: the world receded, the background softened, and Emily paid him no heed. Not even a fleeting, curious look, a question, a idle jokenothing. He was the sort of boy who, at school,d been the first lad the village ever noticed, and girls never seemed scarce for him.
All that seemed trivial. The new feeling that seized him was sharp and unfamiliarperhaps what people call true love. A small comfort lay in the fact that Emily showed no interest in any of the other lads in the cohort. If it ever happens, James often thought, I wont know what to do with it. Emily drifted toward the third year, and Jamess affection stayed unchanged; he kept loving her undiminished.
Then, as if spring melted the lingering frost, she began to laugh at a classmates quip, and his heart swelled. When they rode the underground home together, a cinematic storyline of a blissful future unfurled in his mind. He asked her out; she surprisingly agreed. Emily realized she liked the tidycut James, who looked like a cartoon hero with his spiky hair. He invited her for a steaming cup of coffeeat a time when every shops radio blasted the same charttopping tune. They spent a splendid afternoon, then kissed; his dream was finally taking shape.
By the end of the third year they were a couple. At the start of the next academic year Emily discovered she was pregnant. It happened on her birthday, 9June, when James visited while her parents were away at the country house. In the heat of the moment they ignored contraception, trusting that nothing would happen. Yet something did, and Emily realized shed received a truly regal gift.
The holidays were spent with each set of parents; most people still lacked mobile phones, so the young father only learned the news after his own brother returned from the south in late August. Emily, now two and a half months pregnant, was anxious; James was equally perplexed, unsure of the next steps. Lying together in bed, romance gave way to the harsh truth: the eyes that haunted them were green.
Marriage seemed prematurehe was still a lad, and his parents would not be thrilled. Abortion required money and, inevitably, Emilys consent. She seemed ready for any outcome, as if a dusty veil had settled over her mind, pleading, Just do something, James! He promised to act, and he didby not turning up for his firstday lectures on 1September. He had simply fled, cowardly, and no one would have believed it if theyd been told.
He vanished with some paperwork, destination unknown, perhaps to another university. Emily was left alone with her dilemma. Their classmates wondered where James had gone; he didnt call, and his parents claimed hed moved into a flat without a phone. In the end, Emily was struck from his life; the fear of losing freedom outweighed a pure, soaring love.
Years slipped by. James Timson was now happily married, his son twentytwo, living a settled life. He never learned what had become of his former love, who had died quietly. Yet, with age, his conscience gnawed: perhaps he had been too harsh? He had loved Emily, and whatever child she carried, he might have loved as well.
His wife, Margaret, loved him too, but in a different waymore fireworks and snowball fights after a sauna than the steady calm of a long marriage. They wed a year after Jamess split from Emily. Lena, a former classmate, studied in the same course at the other university James had fled to. James never confessed the shameful episode to his wife; men rarely admit they fled the battlefield. Unbeknownst to him, Margaret had long known, thanks to mutual acquaintances who spilled the unwanted truth. Good people, after all, tend to surface.
Margaret, wise as ever, never accused, I know everything, you scoundrel! She understood that everyone carries secrets, especially the dark ones people prefer not to recall. She hinted that she was aware, fearing it would tarnish the image of the respectable husband shed chosena man who solved family problems in a single stroke, the very role James had cultivated for years. Such revelations would not have strengthened their bond, especially since they predated Margarets own happy marriage to James.
One Saturday, Robert announced hed bring a girl to meetSophie and I are getting married! Though it seemed early for a son to wed, his parents didnt object; he lived independently in a flat his grandmother had gifted him, financially selfsufficient. When James opened the door for his son that Saturday, his breath caught: standing there was Emily, or rather a perfect replicaa doppelgänger, as theyd call it now. She had appeared that August evening, as if a boomerang returned.
James, not a fool, realised this wasnt the former lover but perhaps her daughter, maybe also his own. That meant she was his sons halfsister. He stammered, heart racing over a hundred beats a minute, a cold sweat of divine retribution washing over him. He forced a smile, tried to keep conversation flowing, while avoiding the daughters eyes for fear of seeing a silent accusation.
Maybe you should lie down? Margaret suggested, Let me check your blood pressure. He obliged, using it as an excuse to slip away from the table. Their son, after the wedding, asked, Dad, didnt you like Sophie? You barely looked at herwas it the pressure? His blood pressure had indeed spiked; he had to take medication.
Dont marry her! his father shouted abruptly. Why? Robert pleaded, Explain! The notion that this girl could be his sons sister, that James had abandoned a pregnant mother twentyplus years ago, was unbearable. Confessing was beyond Jamess strength; nothing else came to mind.
Ill marry her anyway! Robert declared, storming off. Margaret teased, Whats gotten into you, love? Shes a nice girlsee the spark? She loves Robert! What drove you to this faroff place, dear?
James thought, What now? What to do? Two days of agony passed; he even called in sick, citing a hypertensive crisis.
Calm down, its not her, Margaret whispered over dinner. Not her? James repeated, confused. Yes, not Emilys daughterjust someone who looks alike, same type. Margaret recalled that some wellmeaning friends had once shown James a photo from his passionate fling with Emily, unintentionally exposing his double life.
Can that happen? James asked. Cant it not? Doppelgänger contests exist, after all. Their mother shared Margarets name, Lena, and they were set to visit her that Saturday. So now youll let him marry? he wondered.
James exhaled, finally relieved. He would allow it. How had Margaret uncovered everything? The faces were identical, one face. Yet, on closer look, the hair colour differed, the eyes werent quite the same. The dream logic twisted again.
James tried not to dwell on the past. Margaret, as always, kept quiet, her eyes meeting his with the same knowing calm: You know I know you know I know. She spotted her bewildered husband, and that sufficedguiltladen men are easier to steer. She was, after all, the wise Margaret.
James changed; his swagger and confidence drained, the bravado that once overflowed now faded. It turned out he wasnt the man he imagined at alljust a shadow of a shadow. Their secret remained untold; outwardly, life went on, as steady as ever.
