You see, Emily said, choosing her words carefully. Grownups can be daft sometimes, even more than children.
Dad wont let me meet the aunt hes seeing, will he? Lucy asked, her voice flat.
I dont think its that he refuses. Perhaps they havent figured out how to sort it out yet, or maybe Aunt Olivia is shy.
Why be shy? Im not a terror.
Children from another relationship are a responsibility. Not everyones ready for that.
Emily stood in the hallway, watching Lucy rush to get ready for her visit with her father.
Lucys phone buzzed in her pocket. She snapped up the receiver, then stared at the floor.
Hes not coming? Emily asked.
He said works a nightmare, Lucy muttered without looking up. Maybe next time.
Right. Get dressed.
Emily slipped into the kitchen, keeping the conversation brief. She filled the kettle and turned it on. The rising hiss of the water muffled her thoughts.
It had been eight years since the divorce, and David still managed to be the champion of sour moods.
The first three years of their marriage had felt like a fairytale: flowers for no reason, breakfast in bed, gifts aplenty. Emily thought shed hit the jackpot of happiness.
When she became pregnant, David carried her everywhere in his arms. But the moment they were in the maternity ward, the first call came one she ignored completely.
The doctor was filling out Lucys birth record. David stood nearby, pale and nervous, having been present at the delivery.
Whats her blood type? the new dad asked.
The girls Rh is negative, the doctor replied matteroffactly.
David frowned.
How can that be? he asked, his voice cracking. My Rh is positive, Emilys is positive too.
Where does the negative come from? Did we mix something up?
The doctor removed his glasses, rubbed his nose.
Remember school biology. The Rh factor is a tricky thing. If both of you carry a hidden negative gene, the child can easily be negative. Its perfectly normal.
Are you sure? David squinted. No mistake?
The tests dont lie.
David called Emily a hundred times afterwards, demanding an explanation. She sent him the doctors notes and links. He seemed to calm down, but
The trouble began as soon as they left the hospital David changed.
He had diabetes, and Emily had always watched his diet, reminding him about insulin. Then he started acting like a teenager whod just found his freedom.
Im off to football, he shouted, grabbing his bag.
Dave, which football? Your sugars spiking, the doctor said you need a routine.
Dont start, will you? Im a man, I need to move. Your caring is suffocating me.
He would come home late. One night he staggered in, his face ashen, sweating a hypoglycaemic episode.
Emily, ignoring Lucys cries, hovered with juice and glucose tablets.
Where have you been? she asked as he steadied.
Told you I was at the match. Ran late.
Until two in the morning?
We sat, we talked. Are you starting again? Its all fine.
Emily wanted to believe. She sat alone, smoothing Lucys tiny sleeves, convincing herself it was just a phase, that he was simply tired. Shell grow up and everything will settle she told herself.
It didnt settle. Calls started coming in.
Her phone would ring most evenings former colleagues, accountants, managers. Emily had been friendly with everyone while she worked.
Emily, hi, not bothering you?
Hi, all good. Whats up?
Nothing just wanted to catch up. By the way, is David staying late at the office tonight?
Probably. Whats up?
Just Katie trailed off. Dont get the wrong idea, but he was with a new girl, Veronica, laughing all night.
They were all over each other, going to the bingo hall together, him rubbing her waist
Emily felt her fingers go cold.
Katie, stop. They might just have a joint project.
Yeah, whatever. Just thought you should know. Friendly, right?
Emily hung up, sighing. Gossip. Theyd just have someone to scratch an itch. She was convinced David loved her; he was simply sociable. She brushed off the comments, joked, projected total confidence in her husband.
Inside, anxiety grew. A year and a half after Lucys birth, everything collapsed.
Emily was invited to a big corporate event. Her parents agreed to watch Lucy. She put on a dress that she felt hid the postbirth sag, added a touch of makeup. She craved a night out, wanted to feel part of a world beyond nappies and porridge.
She went with David, but he vanished almost instantly.
Ill go say hello to the crew, he said, melting into the crowd.
Emily chatted with colleagues, accepted compliments, but kept scanning for David. An hour passed, then two. He was nowhere.
She started looking. She checked the main hall, the reception empty. She headed to the side corridor by the emergency exit, usually quieter.
She saw them at once. They werent kissing that would have been obvious but they were standing in the shadow behind a massive ficus. The new colleague whispered something, her fingers grazing the lapel of his jacket. David leaned his head on her shoulder, smiling the same way hed once smiled at Emily.
It was like schoolchildren caught in the act. Emily froze. It felt as if a bucket of icy water had been poured over her head her breath caught.
She didnt make a scene, didnt shout. She turned, left the venue, called a taxi and drove straight to Lucys flat. David returned at dawn.
Why did you leave? he asked, tugging at his tie. I was looking for you.
Emily stared at him, knowing there was nothing to say.
I saw you, behind the ficus.
He paused, then waved his hand dismissively.
Oh, what did you see? We were just talking. Youre imagining things. Youve got a touch of paranoia, Emily.
No, she said quietly. Just stop.
For a month she moved through a fog. It was physically painful to share an apartment with him. When he finally packed his things and left to live apart, youre so nervous she felt a weight lift. The air in the flat seemed clearer.
The divorce went quickly. David vanished from her radar. He didnt call at all in the first year. Not once.
Lucy was two and a half; sometimes she asked, Wheres Daddy? and Emily would answer calmly, Hes at work. She wasnt lying, just not giving details.
Emilys mother helped with Lucy, and Emily went back to work, grinding hard to be independent. Money was enough. They lived separately, took holidays apart. She didnt pursue child support didnt want to chase him, didnt want to beg for paperwork. Pride, perhaps, or just disdain.
Then one evening David called.
Im the father, he declared. I have a right to see my child.
Emily didnt block him. Fine, come on Saturday, she said. He began turning up sporadically, paying for Lucys ballet and piano lessons. It was his way of buying a good dad badge; he never really took part in parenting, just checked the box.
Lucy adored him. To her, he was a holidaymaker: gifts, cinema, cafés. What more does a child need?
Emily took a philosophical view at least the little girl had a father figure.
One afternoon Lucy walked into the kitchen in a homeworn tshirt, eyes red.
Mum, why does he do that? she asked softly, sitting at the table.
What, love?
He promises and then never follows through.
Emily sighed.
People are different, Lucy. He isnt cruel, just doesnt plan well.
He said its because of you, Lucy blurted out.
Emily froze, cup in hand.
What?
He told me on the phone, Your mum keeps messing up plans, youre the reason we cant meet.
Emily set her cup down slowly. That was the moment.
Lucy, Emily looked her daughter straight in the eye. Have I ever stopped you from seeing your dad?
No.
Have I ever spoken badly about him?
Lucy shook her head.
No.
Then think for yourself. Trust facts, not words.
The story of the new aunt had been going on for six months. Lucy once came home from a weekend with David and said:
Dad lives with Aunt Olivia. Shes pretty, Ive seen pictures. They have a cat.
Emily just shrugged. They live together, fine. She didnt care, but Lucy wanted to meet her.
Mum, I want to be friends with her. Dad says shes nice.
Emily called David.
Dave, Lucy knows about your girlfriend. She wants to meet. What do you think?
A pause lingered on the line.
I dont know, David said. Maybe its too early. Im not sure. Lets talk later.
Later stretched into a month. David would say hed arrange a meeting, then back out. Hed promise again the next week, She really wants to meet Lucy! Lets go to the park or the pizza place next weekend.
Emily agreed, Fine, sort it with Lucy. And another cancellation.
Emily stepped onto the balcony, phone in hand, needing a private word with him.
David answered after a moment, his voice annoyed, music playing in the background.
Hello, Emily, Im busy, what?
Busy? she repeated. You just told Lucy you were swamped at work, yet I hear music. Are you at a bar?
Im at a meeting, he snapped. I have a right to unwind.
Fine, just dont lie to the child. And dont tell her Im the cause of any cancelled plans.
Whos to blame? David shot back. Youre always meddling, What time will you pick up, what time will you drop off. Youre pushing me.
Olivia is scared to get involved because youre unreasonable.
Unreasonable? Emily smirked. Dave, lets stick to facts. Lucy waited an hour. You called at the last minute. Is that my fault?
Or maybe Olivia simply doesnt want to meet your child, and youre too proud to admit it?
Dont talk about Olivia like that! he roared. She wants to! Its just circumstances!
What circumstances? Fifth time in a row?
Dave, stop twisting her head. If your lady isnt ready to meet a stepchild, thats her choice. Have the decency to tell Lucy the truth, or at least dream up a better excuse than blaming me.
You always make things complicated, he growled. You cant even find a man, so youre angry because Ive got it all sorted.
He hung up.
That night, after Lucy fell asleep, Emily replayed the conversation in her head. She was fed up smoothing over the edges. She typed a message to David:
From now on, any arrangements go through me, 24hour notice. If you promise Lucy a meeting and cancel the same day, there will be no next meeting for a month. I wont let you turn her into a nervous wreck. If you want to introduce her to Olivia, give a firm date, time, place. If Olivia refuses, were done. Ill explain it to Lucy myself. No more maybe or later. Good night.
His reply arrived a minute later, exactly as she expected:
Whatever. Those meetings matter more to you than to me.
Emily finally barred David from seeing Lucy without court order. He never filed a claim the cost, the time. His new flame wasn’t keen on a stepdaughter either.
Lucy suffered, but Emily did everything she could to make sure her daughter didnt feel shortchanged.
***
One evening Lucy shuffled into the kitchen in her spare tshirt, eyes rimmed with red.
Mum, why does he do that? she asked quietly, sitting down.
Whats wrong, love?
He keeps promising and never does it.
Emily exhaled.
People are different, Lucy. He isnt doing it out of spite, just he cant organise.
He said its because of you, Lucy blurted.
Emily froze, cup still in her hand.
What did he say?
He told me on the phone, Your mum messes up the plans, thats why we cant meet.
Emily set the cup down slowly. That was the moment.
Lucy, Emily met her daughters gaze. Have I ever stopped you meeting your dad?
No.
Have I ever spoken badly about him?
Lucy shook her head.
No.
Then decide for yourself. Trust what you see, not what anyone says.
