“Hand us the keys to your cottagewe’ll stay there for a bit,” the request echoed, innocent at first, but the consequences soon unraveled.
Jack’s mother had fallen ill, so he and his wife, Alice, decided to stay home for the New Year festivities, just the two of them in quiet comfort. The turn into January was gentle and warm; there was no revelry, only tender care. Their friends, Charlotte and William, were disappointedJack and Alice had promised to take them to the countryside, yet now they’d cancelled last minute. No one could’ve predicted Mrs. Thompson would become unwell right as the clock struck twelve.
Alice nursed her guilt. When Charlotte phoned her on January 2nd, full of laments about squeezing three adults into her poky London flat, the pangs grew sharper.
You can’t imagine the nightmare, Charlotte groaned. William’s mum stormed in on New Year’s Eve complaining about her boiler. Now she’s camped out at ours till the end of the holidays, waiting for the council to fix it! If this keeps up, I’ll divorce William just to escape his mother, I swear.
Im sorry, Charlotte. Weve always managed well with Mrs. Thompson, but shes struggling so much right now. Alice sighed. If I could help, I would.
Well, you can. Charlottes voice lowered conspiratorially. Lend us the keys to your cottage. Well flee Surrey with Williams mother left in London to stew by herself!
Alice mulled it over. She empathized with Charlotte, yet she wasnt sure how Jack would react. The cottage technically belonged to him, though they both treated it as theirs.
I Ill have to check with Jack.
Of course, I understand. But I promise well treat everything with great care.
Theres probably a lot of snow, so the lane may be blockedwe havent called the plough, Alice reasoned.
No worries, weve a four-by-four. Well manage.
And the boiler hasnt been checked in ages. Id prefer you go out first and
Alice, were not going to wreck the place. Williams fixed more boilers than I can count. If anything’s wrong, hell sort it out.
Charlottes persuasiveness was hard to resist. Alice promised shed call back after consulting Jack.
Do you honestly think this is wise? Jack asked after shed laid out the plan.
I dont know, Jack. But Charlotte is my oldest friend. We were all supposed to go to the cottage together If it werent for your mum
If anything happens, we wont be able to get there quickly. And I can’t leave mum on her own.
Thats why Im asking. Charlottes at her wits end. Williams mother is apparently a complete nightmare, and their marriage is hanging by a thread.
After deliberating, Jack relented: they would give Charlotte and William the keys, but any problems were to be handled on their own.
Charlotte instantly sensed the gravity of the gesture. Thank you, darlingIll keep you posted! she said, and set off.
It took more than three hours to reach Surrey. The cottage, nestled on the edge of a quaint hamlet, was idyllic but buried under a heavy blanket of New Year snow. Even the four-by-four faltered, and Charlotte had to ring her friends in distress.
What do we do? she asked.
Come back. Its January 3rd, everyones off for the holidaysno ones ploughing roads. Jack replied, resignation in his voice.
No chance. It took hours to get here. Charlotte pressed. You mentioned Jack knows the farmer who ploughs the lanecant he call him?
Yes, the man does clear the lane, Alice admitted.
Ring him, please. If Jack calls, hell answer.
Ill send his number.
Half an hour later, Charlotte called again, exasperated.
Hes not picking up. Jack must ringhe wont recognise a strange number!
Eventually, Jack caved and phoned the farmer, who promised to arrive soon. Jack paced anxiously for the next hour, fielding Charlottes incessant calls, pressure mounting.
At last, the farmer arrived and carved a lane through the snow. But the walk to the front gate required shovellingWilliam did his best, forging a narrow path to the door, finally letting them inside.
The radiators barely warmed the rooms; the boiler needed urgent attention. William tried, but was stumped, so he called Jack, who spent two hours explaining every valve and knob over the phone.
Ive never seen anything like this must be ancient, William muttered.
Well, as long as it works! snapped Jack, growing irritated. He suspected this was just the beginning.
Indeed, Charlotte called now for every small thingfrom locating the frying pan to complaining about the cold.
By nightfall, Alice and Jack turned off their phones, desperate for respite.
Next morning, the screens showed dozens of missed calls. Alice, apprehensive, dialled back; Charlotte answered in a flurry.
Where have you been?!
We slept.
We had a disaster. The steam room reeked of smokewe nearly burned the place down!
My goodness
What kind of person builds a sauna like this?
What happened?
You shouldve told us there was a flue cap! William only just figured it out.
Sorry, I didnt expect youd use the sauna on day one
What dyou mean? Were guests, were using whats here. Isnt the sauna included? Snow kept us from it anyway!
Use it as you like, Alice stammered.
And we cant find the BBQ.
Our old one broke.
Really? And you didnt mention it? Where are we meant to grill steaks now?! Charlotte fumed.
Im not sure, Charlotte. My heads spinning from the past week. Sort the steaks yourselvesjust dont burn down the cottage!
She hung up, uneasy with her friends attitude.
So, more drama? Jack asked.
Yes. Alice recounted everything.
William knows about the saunas flue, so that’s his responsibility. As for the BBQif they wanted to make paella, would I need a special pan for that too? If they want to grill, let them go to the village. They sell disposable barbecues thatll do for a couple of days.
Alice relayed that message to Charlotte, who finally agreed. Strangely enough, Charlotte stopped pestering Alice after that, perhaps realizing that shed exhausted her friends patience.
They havent rung for a while, Jack mused the next day.
Charlotte didnt answer the phone but messaged: All is well.
With relief, Alice and Jack decided to trust their friends with the cottage and ignore them for the duration.
By the end of the New Year holidays, Mrs. Thompsons health improved.
Why dont you go fetch the keys, check the cottage and the sauna? Alice suggested.
Good idea. Ill go in the morning, back by evening.
Jack drove off. Alice remained with Mrs. Thompson, warning Charlotte that Jack would arrive shortly, hoping all would be smooth. But when Jack returned home, his mood was foul, refusing to speak of the visit.
The truth emerged when Charlotte rang Alice the next day, inviting her roundshe lived just down the road.
Is Williams mother done with you? Alice asked.
Thankfully, yes. Shes back home, the boiler sorted.
Alright, Ill pop by in an hour, Alice agreed, not informing Jackhis sourness over the friends was plain, and Alice wanted to understand.
Charlotte wasted no time.
Here, she said, offering a piece of paper.
Whats this?
Everything we spent at your cottage: the farmers charge, the electric shovel, BBQ set, charcoal, grill tray, three light bulbs, and an essential oils kit for the sauna.
Thats all you bought while staying?
We left it for you. Youre free to use it.
Errthank you? Alice stared, bemused.
Well, William and I feel its only fair to split the costs. Youll use all this now, after all.
Youre serious? Alice raised an eyebrow, thinking perhaps it was a joke.
Yes! If the cottage had a BBQ, we wouldnt have needed to buy all these extras. If youd had a decent shovel, no need for an electric one. If the lane was cleared, less petrol wasted! And for heavens sake, there wasnt any shampoo in the saunaI had to buy the lot.
Charlotte, youre being unreasonable. This isnt a hotelyoure not owed shampoo and shower caps. And you bought the shovel and BBQ on your own initiative. Feel free to take them home with all the oils and charcoal. As for the lane and the farmer, that was your own risk. Ill pay for the bulbs, since you replaced themmuch appreciated. Alice transferred £3.80 to Charlotte on her phone, rose silently, and left. For days, she received calls and texts, but ignored them. To be done with it, she and Jack drove to the cottage, packed up everything belonging to the friends, and sent it all by courier.
Mrs. Thompson had recovered almost fully by then, so Alice and Jack could return to their beloved cottage every weekend. The privilege was no longer extended to Charlotte and William. After the ordeal, friendship cooled, trust faded, and Alice and Jack kept their home to themselvesmuch to their friends bewildered frustration.
We cared for them, tried to help and this is our thanks? Charlotte exclaimed as she dialled Alice for the umpteenth time.
She didnt even care about the electric shovel anymore; all she wanted was the receipt, which, annoyingly, was left behind at the cottage.
