Ill have to stay with you for a while, my mother-in-law announced. Natashas reply left her shocked.
Listen, Nat, I said, running a nervous hand through my hair, Mums just found herself in a tough spot.
What kind of tough spot? Natasha settled into the armchair, staring right at me. A week ago she had her own flat, a job, her routine. Now, suddenly, shes desperate for our help?
I sighed heavily. I knew Id have to tell her the whole truth. But how was I supposed to explain to my wife that my mum had got herself into another mess?
It all started with that fateful phone call three days ago.
Mum rang me up early on Saturday morning, sounding defeated and oddly quiet.
Edward, love, Ive got a bit of a problem, she began.
Whats wrong, Mum?
Well She hesitated. Remember I told you about Mr Benson, my neighbour?
I tensed. Mr Benson, the retired risk-taker, had been chasing after my mum for months. I’d warned her he was dodgy, but she’d brushed me off.
What happened?
He turned out to be a conman, Edward, Mums voice shook. I lent him money. A lot, actually. I even got him to sign something, but it turns out its worthless. Now hes vanished.
I felt ice creeping into my chest.
How much, Mum?
Almost everything Id saved up, she whispered. And I remortgaged the flat. Thought I could pay it back quickly, but now The bank wants the money and Ive got nothing left.
Mum, how could you?
He said he was starting a business! Promised hed pay me back with interest in six monthsat least, I thought so, she cried. I thought wed get married, and I wanted to help.
Calm down, Mum. What do we do now?
Her usual determination returned to her voice. Ive got a plan. Ill sell my flat, pay off the bank, and then move in with you. Your flats big enoughthree bedrooms and all.
My head started pounding.
But its Natashas flat, Mum.
She bristled. Edward! Have you forgotten everything Ive done for you? And now youre telling me your wife would leave your own mother out in the cold?
Nobodys throwing you out, Mum.
Good. Its settled, then. Ive already spoken to the estate agent. Everything will be sorted by Wednesday, and my things will arrive Thursday. You can free up a roomI wont be any trouble.
Ill need to talk it over with Natasha, Mum.
Whats there to discuss? she snapped. Arent you the man of the house? Its your family! Your duty is to look after your mother!
Technically the flat belongs to Natasha, I tried to explain.
So now youre living off her? Is that what you arekept by your wife? Shameful, Edward.
Mum, its not like that.
Fine, she cut me off coldly. Ill finish it all up tomorrow morning. Be there to help me move.
The phone went dead.
I stared at the screen and groaned. How on earth could I explain this to Natasha?
Natasha got home from her yoga class at about seven in the evening, bright and relaxed, smiling. I was making dinnera sure sign I had something serious to discuss.
Whats up? she asked, hanging her coat up.
Mum rang.
Natashas smile faded a little. Her relationship with my mum was, to put it mildly, frosty.
What did she want?
Shes in a spot of bother.
What kind of bother?
I told her the whole sorry tale about Mr Bensons scams. Natasha listened quietly, shaking her head occasionally.
So what now? she asked when I finished.
She wants to move in.
I see. Natasha sat down at the table. And what do you think?
I dont see much choice for her.
Really? Natasha raised an eyebrow. How about renting a place? Or staying with family? Or social services for older peoplethey do exist, right?
Nat, shes my mum.
And does that mean she gets to run our lives? Natasha leaned back in her chair. Lets be honest, Edward: your mothers never been able to stand me. Four years of marriage and she hasnt missed a chance to remind me what a useless wife I am.
I said nothing. It was true, and there was no point denying it.
Remember what she said at Lucys birthday? A proper housewife never buys readymade piesshe bakes her own. Never mind that Id been working all day till nine.
She didnt mean it harshly.
Really? Natasha scoffed. And when she hints that decent wives have a baby in the first two years? Or moves my things to where they should be?
I rubbed my forehead. All those little things added up to a pretty grim picture.
Shes just always been controlling, Nat.
Exactly! Natasha stood up. Do you really want her controlling our homeour lives?
But where else would she go?
Shes a grown woman, Edward. She can figure it outshe landed herself in this, remember. Shell have money after selling the flatshe can rent or buy something smaller.
Thatll all go straight to pay off the bank.
Then she can get help from social services. Or look for a job. Plenty of people work in their seventies.
Nat, you cant be serious.
I am, she said firmly. I wont live with someone who thinks so little of me. Its not about the flat; Im not letting my home turn into a battlefield.
Maybe just for a few weeks? I ventured. Until she finds somewhere?
A few weeks? Natasha looked at me with pity. Edward, do you honestly think shed leave once she moved in? Shes set this up so she cant be turned away.
You think its on purpose?
What do you think? Natasha went to the window. A seventyyearold woman who’s worked as an accountant all her life doesnt know you shouldnt hand all your savings to a stranger? Shes just used this to get what she wantedliving with us.
I couldnt argue. Deep down, I knew she was probably right.
Edward, Natasha said gently, turning around, I love you. But I wont let anyoneeven your motherjeopardise our marriage.
I hugged her.
What do I do?
Do what a grown man does. Tell your mother we have our own family. That you love her, but you make your own life.
She wont understand.
Thats her problem. Not yours.
The next day, I called Mum. The conversation was brutal.
What do you mean not ready? she cried. Ive already sold the flat!
Mum, we can help with money. Well help you find somewhere to rent, pay the deposit.
Money? she scoffed. I have my own son, my own family! I dont need charity.
Its not charity, Mum. Its me helping.
Your help? Her voice was thick with pain. Edward, I gave you my life! Everything! And this is how you thank me?
Mum, Im grateful. But Im my own man now. I have my own family.
Family? What family! Mum exploded. Your family is me!
Mum, stop.
Oh, stop? All right, you’ve made your choice. Live however you like. Just remember, if anything goes wrong, dont expect me to answer the phone!
The call ended.
I told Natasha everything.
She said I betrayed her, I sighed.
Thats classic emotional blackmail, Natasha replied calmly. Shell get over it. You know, after my dad died, my mum tried to move in too. Got upset when I refused. Now shes thankfulshes got her own life.
What if she gets ill though?
Well help. But that doesnt mean she has to live with us.
A tense week passed. Mum didnt speak to me. Then my sister, Grace, called.
Edward, she said, worried, Mums in hospital. Heart attack.
What? What happened?
The doctors say stress. She was selling the flat and worrying, then fell out with you.
Guilt gnawed at me.
How is she?
Shes resting, but keeps asking about you. Says, Hell be sorry when Im gone.
Grace, thats
I know its emotional pressure, she sighed. But I still worry.
That evening, I shared the news with Natasha.
Lets go see her, she said unexpectedly.
Seriously?
Yes. She needs to know were here.
Mum looked frail and small in the hospital bed. When she saw us, she turned away pointedly.
Mum, I said quietly, How are you feeling?
Do you care? she said, her back to us.
Mrs Bailey, Natasha broke in, Lets talk?
My mum slowly turned.
What is there to say?
That youre in a rough spot. That we want to help. Just not the way you want, but the way we can.
I dont want your pity.
Its not pity,” Natasha said patiently. Its care. Well help you find a nice flat, pay the rent, visit, invite you over. But we cant live all together.
Why not? Mum asked. For the first time her voice was softer.
We need our own space. And you do too. Youre used to running your own home. We have our habits, our routines.
What if Im unwell?
Well come round. Any time you need. But we cant all live under the same roof.
Mum was silent for a moment, then quietly asked,
Will you really help me find somewhere nice?
We will, Natasha nodded.
Youll visit?
Of course. And at Christmas, and family gatherings. Youre going to be the grandma to our children.
Mums eyes filled with tears.
Children?
Were planning, Natasha smiled.
I thought I thought you wanted nothing more to do with me, whispered Mum.
We want you around, of course.
A month later, we helped Mum rent a cosy twobedroom flat near the park. Helped her settle in, introduced her to neighbours. She joined a craft club, made a frienda lively lady her age.
Now she popped over every week. And when, a year later, Natasha had our daughter, Mum turned out to be the greatest babysitter in the world.
You were right, Nat, she said once. Id have missed out on life if Id moved in with you. Now Ive got so much to do!
Natasha smiled.
We made the right call.
Rocking our little girl in my arms, I realised how vital it is to say no, even to those you love most. Sometimes, that no is what saves the love you share.
What would you do if your relatives tried to solve their problems at your expense? Tell us below.
