When my husband and I were struggling financially, my mother-in-law treated herself to a fur coat, a new television, and lived like royalty.
But years later, things took a turn!
At eighteen, I found out I was expecting. My parents werent supportive; they thought I was far too young to have a child. My husband had just been called up for National Service. Both grandmothers on my side and his were united in their stance:
The baby is your concern.
I dont want to look after your child right now, my mum told me.
My mother-in-law, for her part, simply refused to speak to me at all.
So I moved in with my Aunt Margaret, my fathers sister.
She was thirty-eight at the time, had never married or had children, and devoted herself entirely to her career. She didnt judge my mum and dad:
I understand, she said. Times werent easy after you were born. Your parents worked their socks off for you. Some days, there was nothing to eat. Your father used to unload lorries at night just to put some money in his pocket.
But theyre doing well enough now. Dads got a good job, and they have a two-bedroom flat. Mums working as well. And here I am, about to have a baby.
Do they really not care? I asked Aunt Margaret.
They just want to enjoy their own lives a bit now. Dont be too hard on them. Theyll come round eventually.
But they never did offer any help. I packed my bits and bobs and stayed with Aunt Margaret.
By the time my husband returned from service, our son was a year and a half. In all that time, his mum never once came to see her grandson. My parents only visited me twice.
My husband started working as a car mechanic and hoped to finish college at the same time, but it proved impossible. We continued staying with Aunt Margaret. When my little boy started nursery and I got myself a job, Aunt Margaret had to relocate for work. We ended up moving into a rented flat.
Not long after, my husbands grandmother passed away.
His mother sold the grandmothers flat, splashed out on new things, and did the place up just as she pleased. My husband pleaded with her not to sell it; he even offered to pay her a monthly sum and buy the flat back later, but she wouldnt hear of it.
Why should I give up what I want? Ive been dreaming of redecorating for ages. Would you do it for me? his mum retorted sharply.
Five years later, our daughter was born. We knew we needed a home of our own. My husband took work abroad. Still, saving for a place was harder than we thought, and I continued to raise the children in rented accommodation.
Meanwhile, my mum was living alone in a three-bedroom flat; Dad had divorced her two years earlier. Yet, she insisted there was no room for me or the grandchildren. Living with my mother-in-law was out of the question, tooshe was always renovating, and helping me never seemed to be a priority.
For years, my husband worked away. Eventually, though, we managed to buy our own flat all off our own bat, with no help from anyone.
Now, our eldest is finishing Year 8, our daughter is in Year 2. They know how hard it is to save and the value of money. Weve learned to make do; now, we have our own cars and take holidays at the seaside each summer.
The only person were truly grateful to is Aunt Margaret. She knows she can always ring us for anything.
Our parents, on the other hand, fell on tough times. Mum lost her job and called recently to ask for our help but I turned her down.
My mother-in-law is in much the same boat. Shes retired now and refuses to live modestly. Every penny she made from selling her flat is long gone. My husband refused to bail her out, too, and suggested she sell her big, redone place and buy a one-bedroom flat instead.
We dont owe anything to our parents. We treat our children differently from the way we were treated growing up. Well always help them in any way we can. I trust theyll be there for us when were old, too.
