You wouldnt believe the situation Ive landed in with Daniels mum, Barbara. Shes 83 now, weighs more than fifteen stone, and is in and out of ill health all the time. Everyone from Daniels side of the family keeps piping up with, Why havent you moved Barbara in with you? Shes his mum, after all! I know my friends secretly agree, but theyre polite enough not to say it to my face. Trust me, I hear it all the timeits all because of whats going on with my mother-in-law.
A few years back, Daniels cousin actually asked, Why dont you have Barbara to live with you? She meant well, I suppose: You help out every day, but what if something happens in the night? She cant be alone, surely. And since she absolutely dotes on Daniel, its almost like everyone expects that her only son, with his only wife and only grandson, will drop everything just to look after her.
Barbara hasnt left her flat in five years. Her legs are bad and her weight makes getting about impossible. But three decades ago, you should have seen herfull of life, healthy as you like, and bossy as anything.
Ill never forget the first time I met her. Daniel had brought me to her big house just outside of Oxford. Just imaginea grand place, massive garden, her late husband had a serious career, so shed always been well looked after. The moment I walked in, she looked at Daniel and asked, Who on earth have you brought home? I gave up everything for you and this is what you bring me? I couldve died of embarrassment. I just left without a word and jumped on the bus back. Daniel mustve felt awful because he followed me home. Luckily, Daniels always marched to the beat of his own drum. He respects his elders, of course, but he wouldnt let his mum tell him how to live.
After we married, we scraped and saved for our own place. Daniel took on extra shiftssometimes he was away for half the year at a time. After a few years, wed managed to buy a house near Milton Keynes and did it up ourselves. We hardly saw Barbara. She used to go around telling everyone I wouldnt let Daniel help her out, going so far as to accuse me of keeping him away. She loved spinning a yarn.
She decided to move into the city, but the money from selling her house wasnt enough. So she asked if we could give her a bit extra, promising the flat would eventually go to our son, her one and only grandchild. But at the solicitors office, she suddenly said the flat had to go into her namesomeone had told her that old ladies often end up with nowhere to live if theyre not careful. Then, she said shed leave the flat to whichever cousin or grandchild looked after her best in old age. She just wanted to be queen of her own castle! Wouldnt stop going on about how wed trick her and leave her with nothing.
That was nearly twenty years ago now. The drama at that solicitorsshe complained so loudly everyone in the waiting room could hear. We felt so awkward, we just dropped it. She moved in almost immediately and wouldnt even let us paint the walls. Soon enough, though, she complained the place was falling apart and naturally, it was all my fault. Apparently, Id found her a dump so I could cheat her.
Strangely, Barbara always fussed over her cousins kids and ignored our son Sam as if she didn’t even remember his birthday. A few years ago, her health took a real nosedive and she gained so much weight she could barely manage the stairs. I started bringing over meals the GP recommendedhealthy stuffbut Barbara told everyone I was starving her. She said only her cousin knew how to properly look after her, while I purposely made her go hungry.
Last year, Daniel started nudging me to let her come stay with us. He reckoned his mum finally understood she had to follow her doctors orders. Alright, I told him, but here are my rules: Im in charge of the kitchen, Ill decide whats for dinner, and no cousins dropping by for gossip sessions.
Barbara was having none of it. She thought shed swan in and take charge of our home. But I told Danieltheres only one lady of the house, and thats me! So instead, I still had to go around, cleaning, cooking, staying over if she needed help, all the while her beloved cousin rang in with well-meaning fretsnever actually helping, just offering advice from the comfort of her own living room. She lived half the distance from Barbara than we did, but would only pop round now and then, turning up with cakes and sausage rolls, while I slogged away every day.
It all came to a head when Barbara called her cousin, moaning her necklace and cross had vanished. She said both her cousin and I had been round that day, but she was sure Id nicked them. I was so upset. I just put her dinner on the table andwouldnt you believe itthere were her necklace and cross, right behind the bedside table. That was the last straw. When I got home, I told Daniel everything and said, either she goes to a care home, or Im done. To my surprise, he agreed.
So now, were sorting out a care home for her. Honestly, Ive tried everything, but Im not living my life as the villain in someone elses soap operaespecially not when shes got a go-to cousin who only ever turns up with sweets and stories.
