She Never Wanted, Yet She Did
Nicola never learned to smoke properly, but shed convinced herself it helped settle her nerves. Standing in the garden of her late grandmothers cottage, she watched the lane that ran through their small English village. Her thoughts were dark, heavy, full of worry; life had become tangled with burdens recently.
She lived alone in Grans old house; her parents were in a nearby hamlet, seven miles away. Independence had beckonedshe was twenty-three now, working at the village post office, determined to make her own way in the world.
Nicola couldnt even finish her cigarette. She stubbed it out impatiently and tossed it aside.
I hate smoking, she thought, especially how Sarah is always puffing away, one after another. She was the one who told me it calms your nerves, but I doubt it
Just then, a car rolled past her gate. It was the new local constable, Toby, transferred from the next district. Nicola knew about him from her colleagues at the post office. She watched his car disappear, then stepped inside; dusk was creeping in, and tonight, she had something seriousand dangerousto do.
The day before, the post office had been quiet, hardly anyone stopping in, though regulars drifted through.
Tomorrow, this place will be swarming, said Mrs. Anne White, but today is the calm before pensions arrive.
Anne, a fixture at the post office since she was young, was always reminding people, Thirty years at this counter; everyone knows me. I couldnt imagine working anywhere else.
Sarah grinned, youthful and cheeky. My mum always says, if it wasnt for you, this post office wouldnt work at all. You hold the whole place together.
Oh, well, thats a bit much. No ones irreplaceable. Ill go when my time comes, to be sure
The door swung open. In came Mary, a stout woman of forty-two, mopping her brow.
Blimey, what a scorcher! Sorry to barge in. My neighbourold Mrs. Gladysasked me to renew her magazine subscription. She loves her magazines, you know. Were off first thing tomorrow, all the way to Cyprus, beaches and all She can barely walk, bless her, so she sits and reads the days away.
Cyprus, eh? Not afraid of going so far, and by aeroplane, too? Anne said with the knowing tone of someone who had seen it all. Lovely places, Cyprus. Youll soak up some proper sun.
Not scared at all. Ill have pictures up online by the end of day one, bought myself a new swimsuit just for the occasionso keep an eye out! Mary winked, then bustled out.
Sarah rolled her eyes. How much does it cost to fly the whole family to Cyprus?
Theyve got money, Anne replied matter-of-factly. Mikes a farmer, after all.
Nicola was silent, sitting by the computer, half-listening, always thinking.
A little while later, Toby the constable came in and greeted them cheerfully.
Afternoon, everyone. Should have a parcel slip for me here somewhere, he said to Sarah, but then caught sight of Nicola and stared, surprised.
Didnt know there were such pretty girls working here shame to see you looking so sad.
Anne caught his gaze. Ah, Nicola. She just buried her fiancé.
I see, Toby said gently, while Sarah confirmed there was nothing for him yet.
Just three weeks past, Nicolas fiancé, Daniel, had been found dead in the nearby market town, killed in a deserted lot. Rumour was, hed been a gambler, sneaking off to an illegal card club Nicola knew nothing about. The police had nothing, but late one night, two young men from the city showed up at Nicolas door. She remembered seeing Daniel with them once.
Your fiancé owed us a fair bit, the taller oneLukesaid.
Hes dead, Nicola stammered, terror-stricken.
Debts dont die, mate. Youll have to pay up for him. Luke named the amountthree thousand pounds.
How am I supposed to get that kind of money?
Thats up to you. There are plenty of rich folk herethink harder.
I dont know who has money round here
Dont lie. You work at the post office, you know everyones business, Luke growled. Well be back in two weeks. Try anything with the police, and youll regret it. Heres a set of picksyoull open any lock with these, he barked, shoving them at her.
Once they had gone, Nicola locked the door trembling, head pounding, the house silent but for her own heartbeat. After a sleepless night, she made up her mind: she would break into Marys place while her family was away. No dog in her garden, and only a bolted gateeasily climbed.
She didnt know how shed get inside, but, as Luke had boasted, the lock opened easily. She was breaking the law now, no better than the thugs who forced her into this crime.
Nicola searched frantically for cash. The lamplight from the street spilled its pale glow across the room. God, what am I doing? she thought. I want to live. Oh, Daniel, what have you left me with? Youre lying in the ground, and Im left to clean up your messby turning thief.
She knew she should go to the police, yet fear froze herLuke was too ruthless, too close. She found only fifteen hundred pounds, plus Marys gold ring and bracelet. There was a laptop on the desk; she slipped it in her bag.
Nicola left quietly. The night was still, dogs barking lazily behind closed gates. Not a soul around. She trembled all the way home, hiding her bag deep in Grans old trunk in the pantry. She barely slept, and dragged herself to work with a splitting headache. Around noon, she ducked out and headed for the local tearoom.
Good afternoon, Toby appeared suddenly. She flinched, but he just smiled. Dont worry, Im just hungry toooff to the tearoom.
Afternoon, she replied faintly, panic rolling through her. Did he already know what Id done? Had he been waiting for me?
Actually, I was waiting for you, Toby said lightly.
She met his shining eyes, realised he was joking, and calmed. From then on, they started lunching together, and sometimes hed meet her after work and walk her home, eventually staying over.
Gossip, as ever in the village, flew like summer birds:
Nicolas bagged the constablefast work, grumbled Tamara. My Tanya fancied Toby herself, you know, but Nicola nabbed him first.
Oh, come off it, you can see he really likes Nicola. Lovestruck he is.
It was true: they fell headlong into love. Some neighbours whispered behind closed doors.
She only buried her fiancé and now shes found another one.
Others were kinder. Would you want her to mourn for the rest of her life?
Nicola was tormented; the day loomed when the thugs would return for the debt. She feared they might catch Toby there. Desperate, she decided she had to confess, two days before the deadline:
Toby, I need to tell you something, she began. He smiled, thinking she was speaking of feelings.
I know, I love you too
No, its not that
Toby listenedstern, incredulous that this gentle, beautiful woman could do such a thing, though he understood: shed been terrified.
My God, Nicola. Youll have to face this. Wheres everything you took? You were so naive. You shouldve come to me first
She handed over the bag. He assured her, calmed her nerves, promised help. Two days later, late at night, came the knock. Nicola opened the door with shaking handsLuke and his mate demanded payment.
I couldnt get the money, but Ill find some way, she begged. Please, give me a bit longer.
Luke seized her by the shoulder, grip bruising.
Times up. Either you pay, or right now he ripped her neckline, but suddenly his accomplice crashed to the ground behind him, then Luke followed, both subdued. Toby was there in his police vest, slapping on handcuffs while another officer hauled Lukes mate upright.
Its over, Toby whispered. Theyll pay for what theyve done. Come to the station in the morning, well sort you out.
Nicola told the inspector everything. Mary returned from her holiday, her property restored, though Toby asked the officer not to spread the truth about Nicolas involvement. Somehow it all worked out. None could believe quiet Nicola was capable of such a crime. The village settled the blame on Luke and his matetheyd killed Daniel, after all, and were sent away for a long time.
Toby proposed to Nicola. They married, and his love washed away her guilt and healed her wounds. They are raising a daughterLucyher little hope.
