Why I Choose Not to Leave My Children with Their Grandmothers
Im 31 and raising two daughters, aged 3 and 1. I dont work outside the home; being a full-time mum is my deliberate choice.
When I had my first child, I innocently assumed that the grandmothers will help at first. In retrospect, they ended up causing more confusion than assistance, and I found myself dealing with almost everything on my own.
Let me explain what happened:
After my eldest daughter was born and especially once we brought her back home from hospital, I felt so helplessutterly lost and unsure how to look after a tiny baby. Now, with two children under my belt, all the basics feel simplebut three years ago, it created endless anxiety in our home. Turns out, theres no magic manual written in your head for looking after a newborn.
For some reason I expected the older generationsurely wise and experiencedto know exactly how to change a nappy, give a bath, feed them, trim nails, treat every rash. I soon discovered that they hardly agreed with each other on anything, least of all the proper way to bathe a baby!
So, I had to learn it all myself. Now I can expertly change nappies and do all the rest. Im genuinely grateful to my mother and my mother-in-lawbut it does make me laugh recalling their advice.
Grandmother 1 (my mother-in-law):
You should say a prayer over the babys water and only let her drink that.
Six months later, I bought a Brita filter.
Id be told to buy only pure carbolic soapnothing else is good enough for babies. And to rub it on any rashes, too.
Youre not raising them properlythats why theyre always poorly (no idea why).
If the baby wont stop crying, you must take her to a healershell sort it out.
Grandmother 2 (my mum):
Crying? Its nothing, she’ll grow out of it. If shes got a fever, just give her a Calpol, shell be right.
Youre far too generous with toys, you need to rein it in.
Ill come Saturday at 1pm to watch the girls, but I need to leave by 4pm for the cinemaevery single weekend.
Babies can have sugary or salty foods from around six months, cant they? If they want to try something, let them.
I love my mum, but now I cant help but wonder about the way she raised us.
How were we fed or looked afteror if we were at all. My siblings and I were often left with our grandma, and all I remember eating there was spaghetti all day long. At home, it was always heavy, greasy meals. As a child, my coughs were ignored to the point where I ended up with whooping cough. Now I see where all my pancreas troubles and overworked liver must have started.
In summary: I genuinely get on with our grandmothers, but I cant imagine leaving the children with them for a few days. Supervised visits, yes. Im not paranoid, but I do worrysometimes, perhaps, too much.
