I’m 50 years old, and about a year ago, my wife left home and took the children with her. She moved out while I was at work, and by the time I got back, the house was empty.
A few weeks ago, I received the official letter: a request for child maintenance. Since then, the payments have been coming straight out of my salary, automatically. Theres nothing I can do. I cant negotiate. I cant delay. The money just leaves my account before I even see it.
I’m not going to pretend I was some sort of saint. I was unfaithful. More than once. I never flat out confessed, but I didnt exactly hide it well, either. Shed tell me I was up to no good, that I was hiding things, but I always played it down, as if she was just imagining things.
My temper was nothing to be proud of, either. Id shout. I was quick to anger. Things in our home happened my way, when I said so. If something bothered me, Id make sure everyone knew about it just by my tone. I sometimes threw things around, never hitting anyone, but frightening them quite a few times.
My children were scared of me. I realised far too late. When I walked in from work, theyd go quiet. If I raised my voice, theyd retreat to their rooms. My wife would tread carefully, weigh up everything she said, and avoid arguments like the plague. I thought that was respect. Now I see it was fear.
Back then, I didnt care. I felt like I was the breadwinner, the one who called the shots, who set all the rules.
When she finally decided to leave, I felt utterly betrayed. I thought she was defying me. Then I made another mistake. I decided not to give her any money. Not because I couldnt, but as a way to punish her.
I believed shed come back that way. That shed get tired. That shed realise she couldnt manage without me. I told her that if she wanted money, shed have to come home. That I wouldnt support anyone who lived away from me.
But she didnt come back. She went straight to a solicitor. Filed her claim for maintenance, set everything outmy income, her expenses, all the proof. Far quicker than I expected, the judge ordered the automatic deductions.
Since that day, I see my wages “cut” before I even touch them. I cant hide anything, I cant wriggle out of it. The moneys gone straight away.
Now, I have no wife. My children are gone. I see them only occasionally, always at a distance. They never talk to me. Im not wanted.
Money wise, Im cornered like never before. Paying rent, maintenance, my debtstheres barely anything left for me. Sometimes Im angry. Other times, Im ashamed.
My sister told me I brought it all on myself.
