How can I possibly burden you with such a responsibility? Even my own father and Tessa refused to take him in.
“Marina, darling, come to your senses! Who have you chosen to marry?” my mother cries as she fixes my veil.
“At least explain to me, Mum, what’s so wrong with Simon?” I ask, bewildered by her tears.
“How could you not see it? His mum works as a cashier, always snapping at people. His father, goodness knows where hes gone, spent his youth drinking and carousing.”
“Granddad liked a drink too, and he used to chase Grandma round the village. So what?” I reply.
“Your granddad was a respected man here, he led the council!”
“But it never made things any easier for Grandma. I was little, but I remember how scared she was of him. Mum, things will be different with Simon and me. You cant judge people by who their parents are!”
“Once you have children, you’ll understand!” Mum retorts, and I just sigh.
Life wont be easy if Mum doesnt change her opinion about Simon. Yet Simon and I have a brilliant wedding and start our own family. Fortunately, Simon inherited a cottage in the village from his grandparentshis father’s parents; yes, the same disappearing father.
Simon slowly renovates the cottage, and before long, we have a real modern home, as I like to call it. Comfortable and bright. Honestly, why did Mum say such things about Simon? Hes wonderful.
A year after were married, our son John arrives, and four years on, a daughterLucy. But any time the children catch a bug or get into trouble, Mum appears with, “I did tell you! Just you waitsmall children, small problems! Theyll grow up and then youll really have your hands full, just look at the family they come from!”
I did my best to ignore her, just letting Mum have her grumbles; after all, I married against her wishes.
Mums always liked things done her way. But really, she had long since accepted my choice, and deep downI knowshe agreed my Simon was gold through and through.
Shed never say so out loud, though. Shed have to admit she was wrong, and that was simply impossible! And her worries over the grandchildren were more fear than anything else. She adored them, and if they were in danger, shed leap into the Thames after them, pulling her own hair out for every warning shed ever given.
Still, I sometimes worried about those “big problems,” the ones that come as children grow.
And grow they did. Soon, John finishes sixth form and sets off into grown-up life, starting at a prestigious university in the nearest cityjust ninety miles away.
But for a mothers heart, those ninety miles might as well be the distance between Earth and Mercury. Far, far away!
For the first four nights, I hardly sleep. How is my boy? What if someone is mean to him? Is he eating properly? Will the city change himmy John, such a good lad?
John starts in a cramped halls room given to students from rural areas. But I cant stand it and persuade Simon to rent a flat for our son in the city. John agrees to pay for part of the rent himself and finds work onlinehes so clever!
Every weekend I drive into the cityto check on John, help out, tidy up, cook. Not that he needs help; his place is spotless.
He never kept his room at home tidy, quite the oppositepreferred the classic mess. And his food is always prepared, steamed meatballs or casserole. He is, honestly, a genius!
My regular visits soon annoy Simon.
“Marina! Its time to let John out from under your skirt! He cant breathe freely! And I get no attention at all! Ill go off and chat up Laura the postwoman, she always says hello. Then youll see!”
Hes joking but hes got a pointhow would I cope if Simon left me for Laura? None at all! Hes right, too. Its time to let go, to let John live his life.
I still fussed over John like a mother hen for a while, but slowly I learned to accept hed grown up. I gave him his freedom and stopped hoveringthough, annoyingly, that was exactly when everything started to go wrong.
One day, I get a call from his college. Johns missing lectures and is close to being booted out. How could that be? Surely, youve got the wrong person! My John? Impossible! I squawk and take two days off work to rush to the city. Even Simon cant stop me this timeI can be like a bulldozer when I need to be.
John isnt expecting me. Its not about the tidying, though; he hasnt had time to hide the real reason hes skipping class.
The reason is a girlAnna. Shes sweet, looks like an angel.
That alone wouldnt be much; boys have girlfriends, sooner or later. But theres another surprisea little boy, not quite two.
I understand at once. This girl, baby in her arms, is trying to wrap John around her finger, make him marry her.
Im a modern mum, times have changed, but still! John is far too young to be marrying and taking on someone elses child. Anna cant be older than eighteen herself. How did she manage a baby so soon?
Inside, Im fuming, but I keep my cool. I greet Anna and pull John into the kitchen for a serious chat.
“John, are you very much in love?” I ask, forcing a smile.
“Really in love, Mum,” he smiles.
“So, whats your plan with college?” I tread carefully.
“I know Ive let it slide, Mum, but its just a phase. Dont worry, Ill fix it.”
“What phase exactly, will you share?”
“Cant, Mumnot my secret. Maybe later, when you get to know Anna better.”
No idea what else to do without turning my son against me, I take a breather and head home.
“This is all your fault!” I snap at Simon when I get in. “Give the boy freedom! Look where its led! What do we do now?”
“Whats actually happened?” Simon, ever the optimist, asks. “Why not take in the child? If John already cares for him, then the boy isnt a stranger.”
“And youre happy to be a grandfather to someone elses child?”
“Why not? I always knew, since our own children arrived, that one day Id be a granddad.”
“But hes not family, not really!”
“Marina! It’s like I’m talking to someone else. No child is ever a stranger. Think about it.”
Simon goes off to sleep in the spare room, but I pace our empty bedroom half the night. At first Im furiouswith life, with Anna, with my son, and with Simon for taking their side. Gradually, I calm down and realise, as usual, Simon is right.
The little boy isnt to blame for anything. Nor Anna, probably; life throws up all sorts of situations. By morning, Im scolding myself and crying with relief as I crawl onto Simons sofa.
“Simon, forgive me! I see now. I just love you all so much!”
“Come here, you silly woman!” Simon chuckles, lifts the duvet, and I curl up beside him.
We drift off to sleep, and Im smiling at last. Well, looks like Im becoming a granny! Whats the harm? The boy is delightfulhis names Michael.
Of course, things arent quite so simple. Soon, John announces hes switching to evening classes and marrying Anna.
This time, I hold back at first, let it sink in. Then, together, Simon and I head up to the city for the weekend. I trust Simon to help us sort it out and not barge in too hastilyalthough Im itching to, I admit.
Anna greets us, wiping tears away.
“I’m sorry. I dont want John to do this, but hes so stubborn. Im sure you know.”
“Stubborn doesnt even begin to cover it,” Simon laughs, kicking off his shoes. “But our son isnt a fool. If hes decided, then there must be a reason. Calm down, Anna, and lets talk.”
We head to the kitchen. Johns out, apparently.
“Hes just popped to get milk, hell be back soon, sorry,” says Anna.
“Why do you keep apologising?” Simon asks. “Lets not assume youve done anything wrong. Lets talk it through. Tea for weary guests? Ive just driven ninety miles!”
“Oh! Sorry,” Anna scurries off. Simon rolls his eyes, Anna notices and gives a little smile. I realise Simons already accepted Johns choice.
Once the teas been poured and Simons tucking into his third biscuit (homemade, amazingly; I know John didnt bake them), John returns.
He unloads the shopping, looking glum, but I spot a new seriousness in his eyes. For the first time, I feel Ive no right to be telling this grown man, my son, what to do.
“So, youve decided to marry?” Simon asks.
“Yes, and that’s final,” John says firmly.
“Fine. But why the rush? Are you expecting another child?”
“No, of course not!” Anna turns scarlet, shaking her head.
A wild (and probably mad) thought strikes meperhaps my son and Anna havent even begun that stage of their relationship. Surely not
“Then why the hurry?”
“Otherwise little Michael will be sent to foster care,” Anna replies quietly.
“Why would he?” Simon presses.
“Because his mother passed away,” Anna whispers, lips trembling.
“You dont have to explain, Anna,” John interjects. “Mum, Dad, pleasejust accept what I’ve told you. The rest is between Anna and me.”
“John, wait,” Anna interrupts. “If Im with you now, then your parents are my family too. I wont keep secrets from them; it isnt right.”
Anna pauses. Simon and I glance at each other.
“Anna, isnt Michael your son?” I venture.
“No, no! Michaels my little brotherfrom Mum, but different dads.”
At that moment, I could have hugged the whole world! But I hold back and Anna continues.
“My mum died in prison. Shed had a heart condition since birth. They say she lived longer than anyone expected, really. But her life was so tough, her temper explosive.
She sips her tea and sighs. Its hard for her but she continues, though John tries to stop her and Simon and I are uncomfortable.
“Mum was sent to prison for the first time after a row with my dad. She knocked down an old lady at a crossing, it was even in the papers.”
When Mum went to prison, Dad took me and we lived elsewhere. Before Mum was released, Dad remarried. I dont blame him for leaving, Mum was difficult and he had a hard time. Dads new wife, Tessa, is gentlewe get on brilliantly. In truth, my stable life is thanks to Dad. He and Tessa brought me up, theyre my family.
Anna pauses again. I see her take Johns hand under the table, and I sense that the hardest part is yet to come.
“Three years ago, Mum met someonefell head over heels. Dennis was ten years younger. Thats when Michael arrived. I was happy about my new brother and visited a lot. I never saw them argue and break things, but neighbours told the court otherwise.
One day, Mum and Dennis had a fierce rowMum thought Dennis was seeing someone else, I think. In the argument, Mum pushed Dennis. He stumbled, got tangled in a blanket, fell and hit his head on a coffee table. He died two days later in hospital, and Mum was arrested.
Anna draws a shaky breath and quickly continues, as if she just wants it out.
“Mum died soon after in custody, before triala heart attack. Please, I beg you, dont judge my mum too harshly. She was just like a hummingbird: bright, restless, impossible to control. But I loved her dearly.”
“Forgive us, Anna,” Simon says softly. “For making you go through all thatforgive us. But youre right. Were a family now, and we should stand by each other.”
Its embarrassing, but at that moment, I wanted to cry out: “What are you thinking, John! Son, please, stop! We dont want that kind of family! Weve never had criminals in our ranks!”
Then I remember myself, wedding dress on, and my mum sobbing, pleading not to marry Simon.
I slap myself mentally: “Dont judge people by their parents, Marina! You of all people should know that.”
This self-scolding works a miracle. I have a mad, wonderful idea. I glance at Simonhes smiling. He knows! And he agrees!
Simon nods, and says, “What do you think, friends? How about this: Marina and I take guardianship of Michael, and you two can wait a bit before marrying and get on with your studies?”
“How would that work?” Anna looks surprised.
“Dad, stop!” John protests.
“Michael will be happy in the villageyou remember what your childhood was like. You can always take him back if you want to later.”
“Were a bit lonely now the children are grown, wed love to look after Michael,” I add. “Your sister is more interested in boys than her parents these days anyway.”
“Anna,” I look her in the eye, “its up to you.”
“How can I possibly ask you to take on such a burden? Even my dad and Tessa wouldnt do it,” Anna says.
Just then, the little troublemaker wakes up. He toddles into the kitchen, hands stretched outstraight to Simon.
“Oh, what a heavy burden,” Simon jokes, lifting Michael into his arms.
“Simon, youre not badmore like a father than a grandad!” I laugh.
“Wait for tonight,” he winks, cocking a fist, whispering, “Ill show you what a grandad can do.”
The youngsters protest a bit but agree to let us have Michael. Guardianship is surprisingly easy to sort.
The woman from social services tells us its quite common these days: people our age take in little ones. Theirs have grown, but there’s still plenty of love to give. We certainly have lots leftand both Simon and I feel younger caring for Michael.
Nights with Michael bring tears of pure joy over these unexpected blessings.
Mum, of course, scolds us for the decision. Scolds, then loves Michael more than anyoneand he’s besotted with her too.
“Oh, Marina! What are you doing?” Mum sighs, then coos to Michael, “Whose little eyes are closing? Who wants to sleep?”
And then again:
“What are you thinking, Marina! Whose tiny fingers are all messy? How will you manage? Wheres my Michael got to now, where has he hidden himself?!”
