Oh, Linda, youve lost your mind in your old age! Your grandchildren are already at schoolwhat on earth are you doing getting married? Thats what my sister said when I told her I was tying the knot. Honestly, whats the point in waiting? In a weeks time, Tony and I are getting married, so I thought I should finally let her know. She obviously wasnt going to make it for the big daywe live at opposite ends of England, and were definitely not throwing a huge knees-up with all the usual Give us a kiss! shouting at our age. Im sixty, were just popping in for a quiet registry office do and dinner for two afterwards.
We didnt even have to get married, really, but Tony insisted. Honestly, hes a proper gentlemanthe kind who holds open doors, offers his arm as I get out of the car, always helps me with my coat. He says, Linda, Im no youngster. Im after something proper. To be honest, he is such a boy at heart, even with those grey hairs. At work, everyones so formal, only ever using his full nameMr. Thompson. Hes dead serious in the office, but whenever he sees me, its like he loses forty years and just sweeps me up, twirling me round in the middle of the street. Of course I get embarrassed and tell him, Honestly, Tony, people are staring! But he just winks and says, People? What people? I only see you! Its truewhen were together, it feels like were the only two people in the world.
Still, I had to ring my sister and tell her everything. I was worried shed judge me, just like everyone else seemed to, but I needed her support more than anything. Eventually, I mustered up the courage and picked up the phone.
Linda! she practically squealed, completely gobsmacked when I said I was getting married. Its only been a year since Victor died, and youve already found someone else! I knew shed be shocked, but I didnt expect her to focus on my late husband.
Tanya, I remember, I interrupted, but who sets these time limits, eh? Can you give me an exact number? How long am I supposed to wait before Im allowed to be happy without everyone judging me?
She went quiet for a moment. Well, for decency’s sake, you should wait at least five years.
So what am I meant to say to Tony, then? Sorry, pop back in five years, I have to keep mourning for a bit?
She didnt answer.
And whats the point? I went on. Five years, and people will still find something nasty to say. I honestly dont care what they think. But I do care about you, and if its really a problem, Ill call the whole thing off.
She sighed. Well, do what you want, get married tomorrow if you like! Just know that I dont understand you, and I cant support you. You were always a bit odd, but I didnt think youd go completely off your rocker in your sixties. Have a bit of shame and wait another year at least.
But I wasnt backing down. You say, Wait another year, but what if Tony or I only have a year left? Then what?
She sniffled, clearly fighting back tears. Oh, Linda, do what makes you happy. I get it, we all want to be happy. But you had such a happy life already
I had to laugh at that. Really, Tanya? Did you really think I was happy all these years? Even I did. I only just realised that I was more of a workhorse than anything else. I didnt even know there was another way to livea way where life could actually be a joy.
Victor was a good man. We raised two daughters together, and now Ive got five grandkids. He always said family was the most important thing, and who was I to argue? We worked ourselves ragged for the family, then for our childrens families, and then for the grandchildren. Looking back now, it was like a never-ending race for a better lifeand we never even stopped for a lunch break. By the time my eldest got married, we already had a little place in the country, but Victor thought we ought to expandraise our own meat for the grandchildren, he said.
So, we rented a bit more land and, to be frank, put ourselves through the wringer. Livestock everywherealways feeding, always cleaning. We never went to bed before midnight and were up again at five. Year after year, living out at the cottage, only coming into town for errands. Occasionally, Id ring a friend for a chat and hear them boastone was just back from the seaside with her granddaughter, another went to the theatre with her husband. Me? I didnt even have time to nip to the shops, let alone see a play!
Sometimes wed go days without bread in the house because the animals took so much time. The only thing that kept us going was knowing the children and grandchildren were well-fed. Our hard graft helped the eldest daughter get a new car, the youngest got her flat redoneall that effort wasnt for nothing. Once, a friend from the old office came to see me and said, Linda, I almost didnt recognise you! I thought you were out here getting fresh air and a bit of rest, but you look absolutely worn out. Why would you put yourself through this?
How else are the kids going to manage? I said.
Theyre adults, love, they can sort themselves out. Think about yourself for once, she said.
I honestly didnt understand what she meant at the time, but I do now. You can live differently. You can sleep in, take leisurely strolls to the shops, go to the cinema, swim, go on little trips, and no one suffers for it! The kids havent gone broke, the grandkids havent starved. Most importantly, Ive started to notice the little things. Gathering leaves in the autumn used to annoy me with the mess, but now kicking up the leaves in the park makes me grin like a child. I love the rain now. No need to drag the goats in, just sit back and savour the view from a cosy café window. The clouds, the sunsets, the crunch of fresh snoweverything is brighter. My own home town has never looked more beautiful, and its all thanks to Tony.
After Victor died, I felt completely lost. It happened so suddenlya heart attack, and he was gone before the ambulance arrived. The kids sold off the animals, packed up the cottage, and moved me back to the city. Those first few days, I wandered around the house at dawn with nowhere to put myself.
Then Tony came along, my lovely new neighbourturns out he was friends with my son-in-law, tooand helped us move the boxes from the cottage. He later told me, at first, he didnt have any designs on me at all; he just saw a tired, broken woman and took pity. He said, Youve got a spark, Linda, its just been buried. You need shaking out of your gloom. He took me for a walk in the local parkwe sat on a bench, got ice cream, then wandered down to the pond to feed the ducks. Id had ducks at the cottage but never actually stopped to watch them. It was the first time I saw just how funny they arehead over heels for a bit of bread!
I can hardly believe it, I told him, Being able to just stand and watch the ducks. I never had a minute to spare when they were mine, just frantically boiling grain or cleaning out their pen. Now I can just watch.
Tony just smiled and squeezed my hand, Wait till you see the rest, Linda. Ill show you so many wonderful thingsyoull feel like youre born again.
And he was right. Every single day was like discovering the world anew, and I started loving it so much that my whole old life just felt like a bad dream. I honestly cant even remember exactly when I realised I needed Tonyhis voice, his laugh, his gentle touchbut one morning I woke up and just knew: this is real, this is my life now, and I cant live without it.
My daughters werent happy about our relationship at all. They said I was betraying their fathers memory, and it hurtI really felt so guilty. But Tonys children were overjoyed and said they finally felt at ease knowing their dad was happy. All that was left was to tell Tanya, and I put that conversation off for ages.
So, whens the big day? Tanya asked eventually, after our long chat.
This Friday.
Well, what can I say? Wishing you all the best in your golden years, she said, not exactly with warmth.
That Friday, Tony and I got a little food shop in, dressed up smart, and called a taxi to the registry office. When we got out, I was completely stunned. There, outside the doors, were my daughters, their husbands, grandkids, Tonys kids with their families, andbest of allmy sister! Tanya stood there, arms full of white roses and tears in her eyes, smiling.
Tanya! You actually made the trip for me? I just couldnt believe it.
Well, I had to see who I was giving you away to, didnt I? She burst out laughing.
Turns out, over the past week, the whole lot conspired together, phoned round and booked a table at a lovely café.
Tony and I just celebrated our first anniversary. Hes now completely part of the family. Honestly, sometimes I cant believe all this is really happening to meIm so outrageously happy, it almost feels too good to be true.
