Jack, are you even listening to yourself? Are you seriously suggesting I should get pregnant again at forty to make up for the mistakes you made in your youth?
And why should I suddenly have to pay for you finding your garage more interesting than spending time with your own son? Emily asked with genuine bewilderment.
Oh, come on, Em! Enough already, Jack pressed on. I was clueless back then, I didnt appreciate it, didnt see what I was losing. And now its too late. Ben barely even sees me as his dad now!
And is he really wrong? Emily smiled bitterly. For seventeen years, he didnt have a father. He just had a bloke he shared a flat with. Did you think you could just switch your child on and off like a telly, popping in and out of being a dad whenever the mood struck?
Jacks face darkened and he frowned, that familiar irritation flashing in his eyesthe same look Emily saw every time his responsibilities as a father came up.
Em, give it a rest! Thats all in the past. Just give me another chance, he insisted stubbornly.
So you can play at being dad again and then leave everything to me, another child growing up without a father? Emily folded her arms. Thanks, but once was enough for me. No, Jack, Im not even willing to discuss it.
Jacks face twisted in a mix of hurt and anger. He didnt have a good response, so he just snorted and buried himself in his phone.
The argument was overfor now. But the problem certainly wasnt solved. Their conversation left a heavy weight on Emilys heart. It wasnt just Jacks daft demands, either. What pained her most was her son, Ben.
Emily was twenty-three when Ben was born. She still remembered standing outside the hospital, exhausted but overjoyed, cradling that tiny bundle swaddled in a white blanket.
Jack hovered over them like a proud hawk, hardly taking a step away. He was beaming, fussing with the blanket, kissing Emilys forehead, sometimes gingerly picking up Ben in his massive hands.
Hes the image of me! Look, hes even got my chin dimple, Jack gushed with pride. Im a dad now, Em!
Im only just realising what this means. Ill do everything for himand with him! Ill take him for walks, change his nappies, teach him football Ill be the best dad ever, just you watch!
Emily gazed at him with that same hopeful glint, believing every word. She really thought theyd have the perfect familyfull of love, care, and shared joys.
But as it often goes, real life was a harsher, more mundane story
It was the middle of the night. Black bags under her eyes, Emily paced the room, rocking the screaming infantagain, third time that night. Jack would just turn over in bed, pulling the duvet over his head in annoyance.
Cant you just settle him, for Gods sake? he hissed. Ive got work early in the morning!
In those moments, Emily would trudge into the other room, eyes stinging with helpless tears. Ben cried even louder, but what choice did she have? Shed close the door and rock him for hours, just to let Jack sleep.
Then came the weekends. Worn out after a sleepless week, shed quietly ask, Jack, could you take him out for a couple of hours? Im on my last legsI could really use a nap
Can we do it later, Em? Got plans. The lads are bringing a car round for me to have a look at.
But Im really done in
Come on, love, youre tough! Youll cope. Ill help you when I get back.
And then the door would shut with a click, leaving Emily alone with her strength and never-ending duties. That promised help never came.
Time passed. Ben grew, and Emily kept trying to build some sort of bond between father and son. Shed prompt Jack, sitting slouched in the armchair, glued to the footie, to play with the rosy-cheeked toddler reaching out for him.
Here, why dont you play with him for a bit? shed say, not for rest anymore, but in hopes of keeping their little family together.
Jack would grab Ben half-heartedly, as if handed a parcel marked fragile and hazardous, holding the lad at arms length, not pulling him close, eyes fixed on the TV over Bens head. A minute, maybe two, and Ben would end up plonked back on the carpet as Jack returned to the match.
When Ben was five, hed be building castles out of blocks in the lounge. Jack would stroll past on his way to the sofa, barely glancing toward Ben, and the boy didnt look up either, having long since gotten used to his dads absence in his life.
Its not as though Jack was utterly useless around the house. He brought in the money, sometimes even helped with the cooking and clearing up. But hed missed his sons entire childhood. So, was it any wonder Ben, now older, didnt see him as a dad?
Ben, hows school, mate? Jack began asking one day.
Umfine. All good, Ben replied awkwardly.
Grades alright, are they? Tell me if youre struggling, I can help outknow a thing or two. Educations important.
I dont want my lad ending up as a binman!
Its fine, Dad, really. Im alright, said Ben, eager to slip away to his room.
Alright, wellif you fancy it, we could go fishing this weekend! Jack called after him.
Ben didnt reply. Only Emily knew there was a school disco that night, that Ben had finally got up the courage to invite the girl he liked, and that shed said no. Or that fishing was the last thing on his mind.
It was obvious: that ship had sailed. Ben was no longer the little lad desperate for his dads attention. The childhood Jack hoped to reclaim was long gone.
Once that hit home for Jack, he wanted another goa clean slateanother child. Emily, who remembered every sleepless night, wouldnt even consider it.
Soon enough, family started sticking their noses in.
Em, love, I know all about it. Jacks told me everything, her mum said. Listen to your mother, go for another. Jacks a changed man now, hes grown up! Give him a second chance. Raising another little one is such a blessing!
Her mother-in-law felt the need to chip in as well.
Emily, if you dont say yes, you might lose him, she warned. Being a father is all he wants.
If you dont agree, someone else will. And itd be good for you, too. Think of the future. Your eldest will soon be off to uni. A second would keep you together, and youd both have someone to rely on in old age.
It really stung to hear all this, especially from another woman. As if her life and body were up for some strange family barter. To everyone else, she was only a mother or wife, never simply a tired woman who knew exactly where that path leads.
Desperate, Emily came up with a plana bit bonkers, but itd make her point. She found an old box of Bens baby things and dug out his battered, still-working Tamagotchi from the nineties.
A little digital pet that had to be fed, played with, nursed, and cleaned up after. When Jack got back from work, Emily handed him the plastic egg with its tiny faded screen.
Whats this? he asked, puzzled at the present.
This is your probation period. Try handling just a tenth of whats involved in being a dad. This thing needs feeding on schedule and looking after.
Just like a baby, only you push buttons. Do it wrong and itll bleep at you all hours. Keep it alive for a yearand maybe then Ill believe youre ready for another baby.
Jack shot her a look, then burst out laughing, thinking she was joking. But when he saw her dead-serious, his smile faded into irritation.
Youre not serious? Comparing a real kid with this gadget?
Well, start with this. If you cant manage even this, what makes you think you can cope with a baby?
Jack shrugged and slipped the toy into his pocket, thinking it would be easy. The first three nights he dutifully woke up to feed his virtual pet. By day five, he started getting cranky, but he didnt give up. By the end of the week, he was moaning that he couldnt do his job for lack of sleep.
On the eighth day, he came home and tossed the Tamagotchi on the table. The screen showed a large Xthat was that.
Forgot to feed it. Work crisis, Jack muttered, not meeting Emilys eye.
Arguments and quarrels didnt really stop after that, but they lessened in force. The heavy cloud of misunderstanding and hurt lingered, but Jack no longer pushed as relentlessly for a second child.
Three years on, life settled everything in its own way. Ben, by then a uni student, brought his girlfriend homeand before long, they announced they were expecting.
Jack transformed again. His enthusiasm knew no bounds. He was talking about second chances, this time as a grandad.
He handed over a pram bought with his savings, loads of baby grows in the wrong size, and construction sets with tiny pieces. He swore blind hed be the best grandad in the worldhelping, babysitting, the lot.
Emily watched the spectacle with a healthy dose of scepticism.
Once their grandson arrived, the story repeated itself. Jack did step up at firstrocking the baby, snapping photos. But as the first flush of excitement faded, so did his eagerness.
He made sure the young couple got their own rental and his help became occasional, hyper-organised visits on weekendswhen the baby was well-fed, bathed, and in a good mood.
If the baby even whimpered, Jack suddenly remembered an urgent work call, a pressing meeting, or that he needed to pop round to his mums.
Emily stepped in to help, watching her son and his tired girlfriend, and realising shed made the right choice.
Ben grew up into a thoughtful, responsible man who never left his partner alone. And Jack well, he remained what hed always beena man who loved the idea of fatherhood far more than the reality of it.
So, what do you think about all this? Was Emily right? Let me know your thoughts in the comments and hit that like button!
