A whole year spent giving our son money to pay off a loan! I wont give another penny!
My husband and I have just one child, a grown-up son who now has a family of his own, and weve even become grandparents.
I grew up in England in the post-war years, and by the time I married at thirty, I was definitely seen as a spinster by nearly everyone around me. Back then, people expected you to have children straight away. Not having children was almost shameful you felt like an outcast.
Well, my husband and I had a son, and we agreed that was enough for us. Were both well-educated and understood the financial realities of raising children in this country. The more children you have, the more it costs to give them a good life.
Thats precisely why we stopped at one child. Because of this, we managed to give our son a solid upbringing, a good education, and kept our life in order.
Our son, however, saw things differently. Not long after he married, his wife became pregnant, and soon after, our grandson was born. The young couple didnt have their own flat, so they took out a loan. Month after month, we helped them keep up with repayments. Just when we thought things were settling, we found out our daughter-in-law was pregnant again. Naturally, we asked how they planned on providing for two children whilst still paying off the flat. They didnt take kindly to our concern and insisted theyd manage. So, I told them that if they said they could cope, then so be it.
For quite some time, they managed somehow. Then, my daughter-in-law had to stop working, and my son lost his job. In the end, they moved into our place, which we normally let out for extra income. My husband said it was only fair to help them, so we spent the entire year making their mortgage payments. We thought we were being exemplary parents, helping them through tough times. But thats not the way it turned out.
I found out recently they hadnt been making the payments theyre six months in arrears! Where did the money go? My husband is furious; he says he cant do it anymore. Im stunned I dont even know how to react. We thought we were helping, but all we did was make it easy for them to coast along. Now were left wondering what to do next.
The lesson Ive learned is that giving without boundaries can end up hurting everyone. Sometimes, helping is more about giving advice and space to grow, rather than simply handing over money. True support means teaching independence, not fostering dependency.
