Mum, Please Smile
I never liked it when the ladies from next door popped in and asked Mum to sing a song.
Come on, Ann, sing us somethingyouve got such a lovely voice. And you dance so well! Mum would laugh and start singing, and before I knew it, the neighbours would join in, and sometimes wed have a proper little dance in the garden.
Back then we lived in a cosy village cottage in the heart of Hampshirejust me, my younger brother Tom, and Mum and Dad. Mum was always cheerful and welcoming, and when the ladies left, shed say, Pop over next time, girls, that was lovely, and theyd promise they would.
Still, something inside made me shrink with embarrassment at the whole show of singing and dancing. At the time, I was in Year 5, and one afternoon I confessed, Mum, please dont sing and dance like that It embarrasses me. Really, I couldnt even explain to myself why it made me feel that way.
Even now, as an adult and mother myself, I struggle to find the words. But MumAnnjust smiled and said, Dont be shy, darling. You should be glad when I sing! I wont always be able toIm still young for now
Of course, it didnt occur to me then that not every day is so full of laughter.
When I reached Year 6, and Tom was in Year 2, Dad left us. He packed his bag and was gone for good. I never found out exactly what happened between Mum and Dad, though as a teenager I once asked, Mum, why did Dad leave?
She only replied, Youll understand when youre older.
The truth was, Mum had walked in on Dad with another womanVera, who lived a few doors down. Tom and I had been at school; Mum had dashed back from work after forgetting her purse. She was surprised to find the front door unlockedDad should have been at work too.
When she walked in, she caught them in their bedroomboth with smug, sheepish faces. That evening, when Dad got home, there was an almighty row. Tom and I were outside and heard none of it. Mum told him, Your things are packed in the bedroom. Im never forgiving the betrayal. Just go.
Dad did try to talk things through, weakly blaming the moment, but Mum just walked outside. He left, and she watched from behind the corner of the house, crying but determined. Well manage somehow, she thought. Ill never forgive him for this.
She stuck to her word. Mum was left with two kids and a heavy weight in her heart. Life felt impossibly hard, much more than shed ever expected. She picked up two jobs: cleaning the local primary school by day, working in the bakery at night. She rarely slept, and her old laughter and sparkle faded.
Although Dad had left us, Tom and I still saw him, as he and Vera lived only four houses down. Vera had a son Toms age, in his class even. Mum never stopped us visiting Dad, and all three of us would play together, though for meals we always came back home. Vera was never hostile, but never especially welcoming either. Sometimes her son joined us back at ours; the neighbours would raise an eyebrow, but Mum never treated him poorly, always making sure everyone got fed.
But I never again saw Mum smile. She still cared for us, was kind and gentle, but a sort of quiet sadness grew around her like a coat she couldnt take off.
Sometimes Id come home from school, longing for her to chat with me, so Id tell her little stories about my day. Mum, guess whatGraham brought a kitten into class, and it kept meowing in the lesson. Our teacher couldnt work out where the sound was coming from at first and got cross at Graham! We told her it was the kitten in his satchel, so she sent him out and called his mum in.
Mum would just say, Oh I see, and go quiet again. I could tell nothing made her happy anymore. Some nights, I heard her crying through the walls. Shed stand at the kitchen window for ages, staring into the black garden. Only as I grew older did I realise: Mum was running herself into the ground, working non-stop, getting no rest, probably lacking in vitamins. But she always made sure Tom and I were well-dressed, tidy, and cared for. Mum always kept our clothes neat and pressed, I often remembered.
Back then, Id ask quietly, Mum, please smile. I havent seen you smile in so long.
Mum loved us dearly, even if she didnt show it with hugs and fuss. Shed praise us gently when we did well at school or behaved ourselves. And she cooked better than anyone. Our home was spotless.
I felt her love most plainly when she did my hair in the morningsher hands gliding through my hair, shoulders hunched, sadness always hanging over her. Mums teeth started falling out early, but she couldnt afford to get new ones.
After school, I never even thought of going off to collegeI couldnt bear to leave Mum alone or to ask for money for train fares and books. I got a job in the corner shop a short walk away, helping out as best I could. Tom was growing fast, forever needing new shoes or clothes.
One afternoon, a new face appeared in the shop. Michaelnine years older than me, from the next village over. He smiled and asked, Whats your name, sweetheart? I havent seen you beforeI usually pop by when Im passing.
Im Alice, I replied. No, I havent seen you either.
Thatll be it, he said. I live out in Oakleyeight miles down the road. Im Michael.
And that was how we met. Michael started coming by more often, picking me up after work, driving about in his old estate. He even took me home to meet his mothershe was unwell, and his wife had left him, taking their daughter with her.
His cottage was big, sturdy, with a proper English garden. He always served nice foodcream, roast beef, and chocolates. I enjoyed visiting. His mother stayed tucked up in her room.
One afternoon, Michael said, Would you marry me, Alice? Ive really fallen for you. Ill say thismy mum needs looking after, but Ill help.
I was so pleased inside, though I kept it hidden. Yes, I said, I will. Michaels face lit up.
Im over the moon, love. I doubted youd want a man my age, a divorcee, but I promise Ill make you happy.
We married, and I moved to Oakley with him. Truthfully, it was a relief. Tom was away at college already, training as a mechanic, and only came home for holidays.
My happiness with Michael was a world away from life before. We had two lovely sons, close in age, and I stayed home looking after everyoneespecially after Michaels mother died, two years in. Our life was busy: two boys, house full of chores, chickens clucking in the yard. Michael always helped around the farm and never let me lift a finger more than I had to. Leave the heavy buckets, Alice, Ill see to it. You just milk the cows and feed the chooks, hed say.
He was a generous souloften suggesting, Lets take your mum some cream, beef, and milkshe shouldnt have to buy it at her age.
Mum always accepted the gifts, but even then, she never smiled. Not even when playing with her grandchildren. We visited her often, and my heart ached, clueless how to bring her back to the world.
One day, Michael suggested, Why dont you chat with the vicar at St Marys, love? Maybe hell have some advice. I grabbed at the idea. The vicar said he would pray for Mum, and added, Ask the Lord to send your mother a good companion. So, I did.
One Saturday, Mum rang to ask for a loanshe wanted to get her teeth sorted. I was thrilled. Of course, Mum, Ill pay for all of it! She refused, making me promise it was just a loan. I agreed, though I never planned to ask for it back.
Not long after, Michael was helping his Uncle Colin move to a nearby village. Colins wife had left, the children grown up, and he was starting over in a big sturdy cottage. Michael and I sometimes popped in to check on him.
Then Michael came home with a glint in his eye: I think Uncle Colins courting again! Overheard him on the phoneseems serious
Good for him! I said. No point living alone in that big house.
Soon after, Uncle Colin invited us over. Come by for dinnerIve reunited with my first love from school. Shes moving in tomorrowcome meet her.
That evening, Michael and I brought a cake and flowers, and when I walked in, I nearly dropped the lotthere was my mum, standing by the fireplace, blushing but finally smiling. She looked younger, glowing.
Mum! Im so gladbut why keep it secret?
She whispered, Didnt want to say anything in case it didnt work out.
Uncle Colin, why didnt you say?
He grinned. Didnt want to spoil everything if Ann changed her mind. But now, well, were happy.
Never had I seen Mum so radiant, her smile finally returned. Michael and I couldnt be happier for both of them.
Thank you for reading and for your kindness. Wishing you all the very best.
