So, I want to share a bit of my story with you. I became a mum really youngit wasnt exactly planned, and I didnt have much support behind me. Now, my little girl is three, and even though its tough to find chances in life, Ive learned to get through things. There are days where it all feels like a bit much, you know? Im the only one responsible for her wellbeing; her dad was completely unreliable.
Im telling you this with my mind racing and full of worries, because lately everything just feels that much harder and I honestly have no idea how to move forward. Im emotionally worn out. I lose my motivation sometimesbut Ive got to keep going, for my daughters sake. All I want is to give her the love I never got from my own parents.
My dad walked out before I was even born. My mum, well, she never really showed me any affectionat least, not in any way that stuck with me. She always put her boyfriends and their children first. If I needed new clothes or shoes, I had to figure something out myself, because asking her was pointless. Shed tell me she was skint, but somehow she always found the money for the birthdays of her partners children. When it came to my own birthday, half the time she didnt even remember.
I watched her giving her best to everyone else, but I kept quiet, because if I said a word Id be told I was ungrateful. I remember once when my school shoes splitas Id been wearing them for a second year in a row. I tried to glue them so no one would notice. My mum saw, but didnt say a thing. Three days later, she took her partners daughter out for new shoes because she didnt like the old ones anymore.
I spent so many nights crying, wondering why my mum didnt want me, just them. One day it hit meI was nothing but a burden to her. Thats when I decided to leave. She didnt care. Never even tried to get in touch. I just kept pushing on alone. It was roughlots of strugglebut I never gave up.
Four or five years down the line, I heard her boyfriend had ditched her for a younger woman, and his kids went back to live with their real mum. She was all on her own. I felt sad for her, but honestly, didnt know what to do.
Sometimes, I think about reaching out, maybe asking how shes getting on. But then I worry shed look at me just like before, with that same coldness. Maybe were better off not being in each others lives at all. What do you reckon?
