Who knows where the river of fate may turn
It seems only yesterday, but it was long ago, that Edward grew silent and distant, drifting through the house lost in thought. Over the course of that last month, he barely exchanged more than a few words with his wife, Edith. She watched him anxiously, fretting over his health.
Hes not well, that must be it, Edith mused. Hes due to turn forty-five soon, and were meant to mark the occasion at that new bistro in town. Ill have to drag him by the hand to see Dr. Hargreaveshes a good friend of ours. Blood tests, a check-up, the works
Edith confided her worries to her closest friend, Vera Hopkins, one afternoon over tea. Vera, with her usual candour, blurted out, My Victor was just the same, you know, when he fell head over heels for another woman. Mopey as anything.
Oh, Vera, you do say the oddest things, Edith waved her off. You cant compare your Victor to my Edward.
And whys that? Vera challenged.
Well, your Victor is the handsome sort, a natural charmer, always holding court at parties. Lets be honest, isnt he? My Edward, bless him, could never manage more than two sentences together. I had to propose myself, years back, when we were young. And if I hadnt moved into his flat, heavens knows, hed still be a lonely old bachelor.
Last year, Vera caught Victor in the company of another woman. Edith tried to soothe her. Just leave him, love. Focus on yourself for once, stop torturing yourself, and throw him out.
Veras way of coping alarmed Edith. She tossed Victor out and flung herself into the nightlifebars and clubs, flirting with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, cutting her hair short and explaining to anyone whod listen that shed ‘just wanted a change.’ This was not how Edith had meant it when she urged Vera to invest in herself. Shed been thinking more of evening classes, ballroom dancing, a fitness club or something of the sort.
Still, time passed, Victor turned up contrite, and Vera forgave him. Edith simply couldnt grasp it.
Id never take Edward back after that, she thought firmly.
She and Edward had been married nearly twenty-six years. Theyd weathered so much together, seasoned each others lives, raised two sonsJames and Williamwho now stood on the threshold of their own independent lives. It felt natural to look towards a gentle old age togetherthough old age still lay a way off. A fortieth fifth birthday called for a family celebration, she was already conferring with relatives. Edward himself, of course, would hear of her plans in due time.
Theyd met just before graduation, on a rambling hike organised by the university. While theyd studied on different courses, theyd both grown up in the very same citya funny coincidence, really. The fourth-year trip brought their paths together. Edith noticed quiet Edward at the campfire, and though shy at first, she found herself drawn to him. Soon she was mending his shirt after a mishap with a tree branch, and he insisted on taking her weighty pack for her. Their friendship deepened quietly. It was Edith who first confessed her feelings; Edward followed suit, murmuring, I think I love you too, Edith
Well then, wed better live together. Ill bring my things to yours and well register at the registry office, Edith decided. Edward had no objections at all.
She moved into the small flat he shared with his elderly grandmother, Mrs. Clara Brown. Edwards father was delightedhis mother had never got on with his gran and wanted nothing to do with nursing her, so Edward, compassionate lad that he was, had moved in with Mrs. Brown instead. Now, Edith found herself in the role of carer, running the household.
Edward, love, Mrs. Brown would say, your Edith is a good womanindustrious and capable, just what you need. Once youre wed, the flat is yours. Mind you look after her.
Soon after their marriage, Mrs. Brown passed away. The sons came along, one after the other. James was now twenty-three, William twenty-one. Life moved along quietlyfamily holidays at the seaside, camping in the Lake District, even a trip or two abroad when they could manage it. But lately, Edward was restless. And not long ago, hed blurted out, You know, Edith, sometimes I feel as if lifes led us nowhere. Have we ever seen anything wonderful?
Edith was indignant. Edward, how can you say that? Every summer were off on some adventureBlackpool, Cornwall, the Peak District, even Francenever once have we sat at home. The boys are grown, and the grandchildren arent far off.
Thats not what I meant, Edward replied, waving a hand, shooting her a strange glance. Edith, preoccupied, didnt pursue it.
She had other things to think about. Edward, should we invite Max and Nina to your birthday dinner? I know theyre up in Manchester, but youre such old friends.
What birthday? Edward asked, surprised.
Your birthday, of course! Forty-five, dont tell me youve forgottenplan is to have dinner at Porters, the new bistro.
Oh? I didnt realise youd organised all that, he said, looking at her oddly again.
That evening, Edith sat for hours, staring at the carpet in silence, dry-eyed but in turmoil. Never had she imagined anything like this would happen to her.
Edward came home early from work that day, quite out of the ordinary. For the past year and a half, hed worked late most nights. She was so used to it she nearly didnt believe him when he appeared in the kitchen still wearing his leather jacket.
Evening, he said quietly, sitting at the table with his head down.
Evening, Edward. Take off your jacket, wash your hands, dinners ready, Edith called, her voice as practical as ever.
But Edward sat motionless.
Edith Im leaving you. Im sorry. His words were barely audible.
Leaving me? What do you mean? Take your coat off, youre being daft. If youre not well, well go see Dr. Hargreaves. Nothing too drastic…
He lifted his head, looking straight at her. It isnt that, and theres nothing wrong with meat least not in the way you think. Ive fallen in love, Edith. For the last two years, Ive been seeing someone from my office.
He meant itshe could see it in his eyes.
Oh, youve found a younger model, have you? she snapped.
No, she isnt younger. Shes just shes a woman, a real woman
And what am I, Edward? Edith spat back.
He shook his head, as if clearing cobwebs. Youre well, youre my manager, Edith. Im more like your dog than your husband. I cant move an inch without your say-so. You decide everything: what I wear, where I go, how to celebrate, what to eat or drink, how to spend my wages. You give me enough for cigarettes and coffeedo you know how demeaning that is for a man? I cant even join my mates for a pint after workI simply dont have the cash.
Edith knelt to meet his gaze. Edward, weve always done things this way. Whats got into you now? If it means so much, Ill give you spending money for a night out, well go to football together, you choose your things next time we shop.
Edward just looked at her, and there was such distance in that look.
You dont understand at all, Edith, he raised his voicea rare thing indeed. I want to breathe. I want to decide thingswhat I wear, what I eat, where I go. I never get a moment alonenot even in my own head. You press your wishes onto me until I cant resist. But everyone needs a line they wont cross. Ive reached mine. Youre my guardian but I want to be my own man.
She choked down a sob. And she lets you be that, does she? Ediths voice trembled.
She does. When Im with her, I feelmyself, a man again. She lets me care for her, take the initiative.
Edith had never seen him so alive, so certain. She understood then that he truly loved another, as hed once loved her in their youth.
But it oughtnt to be this way, she thought, not at our age. Its shameful what will people think? Everyone believes were the perfect couple. Out loud, she pleaded, Edward, youll throw away your whole family for a fleeting fancy? And the embarrassmentwhat will they say?
He shook his head. What people, Edith? What perfect family?
For a moment, Edith realised hed staged a rebellionand she was powerless. Tears came then, for the first time in years.
Edith, are you crying? he asked, startled.
She flung her arms around him, but Edward gently peeled them off. He disappeared into the bedroom, gathered some clothes in a suitcase, and left with barely a word. Edith was left alone in the silence.
Never had she thought fate would veer so sharply, that fate would render her, whod been so secure, so suddenly solitary, staring at an old age alone.
She rang Vera, who bustled over, wrapping Edith in an enthusiastic embrace.
Come now, Edith, were still young yet! Remember how you counselled methose courses, all that? Didnt work for me, but Victor came crawling back, you know. Perhaps Edward will do the same
But Edith shook her head. My Edwards gone, Vera. Hes said too much to turn back. You didnt know himnot the way I do.
After Vera went home, Edith sat for a long time, lost in thought. She wondered who she was, now there was no one to care for, to arrange for, to keep in line. Day by day shed have to grow accustomed to solitude. Yet who can say where the river of fate will turn? Perhaps, in time, she’ll find herself washed upon a brighter shore.
