Im 58 years old, and I made a decision that cost me more than most people can imagine: I stopped supporting my daughter financially. It wasnt because I love her any less, or because Ive become tight-fisted.
My daughter married a man who, from the very start, made it clear that work wasnt his priority. He drifted from one job to another every few months, always with a new excusethe boss was a nightmare, the hours were wrong, the pay wasnt enough, the environment wasnt to his liking there was always something.
She kept working, but it was never enough.
Each month, it was the same. Hed come to me with those weary wordsrent, groceries, debts, school for the childrenand each time, Id cave in and help.
At first, I thought it was just a rough patch, just a phase. That hed pull himself together, realise his responsibilities, become the man he was supposed to be.
But the years rolled by, and nothing changed.
He lazed around the house, slept in until midday, disappeared with his mates, and returned home to say he was almost employed. The money I gave to my daughter wasnt covering family needs at allreally, it was going to pay for what he should have been handling himself or worse, funding his nights out at the pub.
He didnt bother job-hunting because he knew, deep down, that no matter what happened, Id be there to sort it out, to make everything right.
And my daughter never held him to account, either. It was much easier for her to ask me than confront him.
So, I found myself paying bills that werent mine, carrying the burden of a marriage I didnt even belong to.
The day I finally decided to stop was when my daughter called, asking for money for an emergency. Without meaning to, she let slip that the money was needed to pay off a debt her husband had racked up while playing snooker with his friends.
I asked her, Why doesnt he work?
She replied, I dont want to pressure him.
Thats when I told her, clear as day:
I will always support her emotionally. I will always be there for her, and for my grandchildren. Always. But I will not give another penny so long as she chooses to stay beside a man who does nothing and takes no responsibility.
She cried. She was furious. She accused me of abandoning her.
It was one of the hardest moments Ive ever gone through as a mother.
Tell me was I wrong?
